An Intersection in a relationship

[SeeKer]

A letter to my loved one

 

Assalam aleikum waraxmatullahi wabarakatu,

 

I hope this reaches you in the best of health. If I was you I would read this while sitting down for I have a lot to say. We have being together now for close to three years. In that time we have cleared away most of the superficial layers in our personality and have gotten down to the nitty gritty. Recently we hit an obstacle in our relationship. We reached the intersection of marriage and we are stuck! We have no idea what direction to move. I decided to draw you a topographical map to illustrate the lay of the land from my perspective. I admit I am not a topographer but for you I can be anything. :cool:

 

 

North: Obvious choice. Get married have kids and never look back. I give myself completely to you and lose all Identity of myself. No school, no career and definitely no personality. I am to stay at home and care for you and your children as any good somalian wife should do. Canjeera in the morning,bariis for lunch and cambulo for dinner. Submissive and tolerant of all your behavior and did I say one who can’t speak her mind.

 

 

East: An ideal marriage. You finish your education and I finish mine. We both rake in money and when the time is right we decided to make clones of ourselves. I stop working because I want to spend every moment caring for our seeds (preferably three). We do constant community service and pray together as a family. Picture perfect isn’t it? Only one hook we have to focus on our individual lives before accomplishing this. That means not constantly daydreaming about you shirtless or the way you look at me when we are in a room full of people. We have to forget the constant urge to call each other to see how your day is going at 7am,9am,noon, 3 pm, 5 pm, 8 pm and finally to make sure u r asleep at 1 am. In order to get the ideal marriage we have to pretend that US doesn’t exist anymore.

 

 

West: We get married while we both are going to school. We figure out that being students and raising a family don’t coincide. One of us drops out to be a breadwinner. You are the man so you are the obvious choice. You do it with an eager heart for you care for me. After a while you do it with a bitter taste in your mouth as Jamal, Khalid and Saeed all graduate while you are still delivering mail. The bills never stop coming and the salary never goes up. We argue constantly and finally I end being a depressed woman. I skip classes and cry in the streets. You start chewing jaad just to relax and finally you start ogling other women. We are the typical family :rolleyes:

 

South: Forget we met and each goes a separate way letting God rule our destiny.

 

 

Now I can assure you that I did not factor in the valleys , mountains and rivers in this map but then again I never was perfect.

[Pacifist]

Interesting Seeker

 

Enjoyed reading it.

Well me I would chose south and East.

[Pacifist]

Sowieeeeeeeee Double post

[sheherazade]

Nice read .

 

Such extremes of could-bes!

 

God rules regardless.

[NoVa]

lool@Canjeero, Bariis and Cambuulo..lool girl ya made it seem as if that's the only food somali's know..

 

East sounds so 2 Cadaan lifestyle...i'don't know why'...

 

South is just so beatifull...no expectations, no' rules, no time limits,..if we meet again, then we'meet again...dat's Reallly' what it should ought be...lol

 

At the same time, North isn't really bad u'know...i'mean it might sound so bad to so many ppl when they hear the word 'housewive' but it's a job of it's own ya'know, and hell it's one highly professional task that doesn't come easily, and people tend 2 forget that. I swear i give respect 2 all those mothers that r housewives, it doesn't mean like ur Identity, even thought some ppl might seem as if ur a housewive ur practically have no'idea whats goin' on with the rest of the world....and who' says that we have 2 eat Canjeelo, bariis and cambuulo everyday?lool...

 

West, boy oh'boy, that direction looks really horrible, as if Reality hits ya in the head in the worst time's...it's really struggle marriage,...i'll pazz, meo can't handle dat....good 4 those that luv. 2 go struggle'z in the hardway lol...

[Salma]

Ever heard about the 5th direction?!!

 

It exists

[SeeKer]

Pray do tell about the fifth direction my utopian believer.

 

Pacifist I don't think you can take both....ever heard of the saying can't have the cake and eat it too?

[Taqwa]

We have being together now for close to three years.

I agree with Classique, exist time. Three years of Haram is enough.

[Ilhaan M.]

Asc wr wb.

Very nice topic, makes one question how much they think they can controll the future. that being said, I think I agree with Classique when he says there is a 5th direction. looking forward to Ur point of view Classique, here is my opinion:

 

Faith's direction: Dear, three years of seeking nothing and finding nothing is very long. Let's try something new. from today, we shall pray to Allah a salaat istikhaarah and follow the direction of our heart. Allah knows what's 2come in the future, so why wast time worying about it! and since Allah gives HIS best to those who leave the choice with him, we have nothing to loose but the evil sheydan.

 

When going to the faith's direction, keep in mind that U have light in Ur heart. That does not meant U should'nt explore and plan Ur journey, but U start Ur journey knowing what ever happens, U should believe in Qadr and that things happen for a reason. Even though some times we can't see or understand the reason behind everything that happens in our lifes, that doesn't mean there are no reasons behind.

 

Tools needed are: Ur self, Ur faith, knowledge of Islamic rules for the man and the woman in mariage, a partner who shares Ur choice of this direction and reasons behind, and leave the rest to Allah.

 

Do Ur best to be a good muslim wife / husband in this world. Don't worry about what people say, sheydan might use them to splitt U a part and remember: the true reward is the hereafter, Aakhira. "laayukallifullaahu nafsan ilaa wascahaa" meaning Ilaahay kuguma dhibaayo inaad fuliso wax awoodaada kabaxsan. Just do Ur best and everything will work out.

 

wasalaamu caleykum!

[SeeKer]

ASC WR WB,

 

First off I am confused about the faith-fifth direction. I read it as fifth which understandably Ilhaan illustrated that there are more than one ways to skin a cat.Ilhaan dear that is a nice approach but its easier said than done. Some of us are not equipped with that ability and would need to cultivate it. Mashallah if you are one of those blessed people.

 

Disclaimer: This post was meant to bring to head some issues people have when it comes to taking the marriage step. Don't read too much into it ya jamaaca

 

Wsc Wr wb

[Valenteenah.]

*South* sounds good.

[Taqwa]

Seeker,

 

If I showed you Hell you would instantly drop to the ground out of fear. If I showed you your siblings dying of hunger, you would grieve out of sadness. If I told you exactly what date you would pass away, you would prepare for it. What if I told you, that you will die with no exact details of the date? What would you do? It could be a weak from now or even a year from now. Why do you let your youth fool you into believing that you have another 40 to 50 years to go? Why do you dwell on endless drama about a man who would not take the initiative to marry you after 3 long years? Why my dear sister, are you blinding yourself in seeing the reality of life. When you’re smart enough to know your inner self, why do you require an advice from people you've never met? Allah swt, runs to those that walk to him.

 

 

You my dear are committing the graves error in your life by indulging in a superficial romance that has no khayr in it. It is bound to fail! WHY? Because anything that is not for the sake of Allah is bound to fail. You want an advice? Go to this brother and inform him that you either want marriage right now or you should end it. Is your so called Jamal capable of delivering you from Jahanum? There will be a time when all of humanity will be running in circles and even your own mother won’t give you 1 Hasanat for you to enter Heaven. Wake-up walaalo and don't let the death of someone close to you, open your eyes to reality.

 

 

Death only becomes a reality when a close beloved one dies. The reason I shared this with you walaal is because the messenger of Allaah (sallahu alihi wa-sallam) referred to death as 'the destroyer of desires." Maybe the remembrance of death will be the best advice I could give you. Advice is for me first adn then you...etc.

[BoX of ChoColateS]

Originally posted by Silence:

Seeker, You want an advice? Go to this brother and inform him that you either want marriage right now or you should end it. Is your so called Jamal capable of delivering you from Jahanum? There will be a time when all of humanity will be running in circles and even your own mother won’t give you 1 Hasanat for you to enter Heaven. Wake-up walaalo and don't let the death of someone close to you, open your eyes to reality.

Silence I think you are reading too much into the post. Frankly I take offence that you think we are worthless advice givers sometimes a stranger brings in a different approach to a problem.

 

Personally I would take South and hope we met in the future.

[SeeKer]

Asc wr wb

 

Silence ya akhi,

Your advice mashallah is helpful. This post is incredible to me because it allowed me to logically look at problem from a different view. It is not meant to paint you a picture of my life per se but to analyze an issue that many young ladies my age face. Fusing together traditional and western culture with religion being thrown in the mix is at times mind boggling. Jzh kheyr for providing theological input.

[Paragon]

Is your so called Jamal capable of delivering you from Jahanum?

Leave me out of this, will ya