Legal way for a muslim kid to have boy/girlfriend

[Som@li]

Manage your kids or accept this solutions.

[rudy-Diiriye]

this is plain wack! kids shouldnt be doing this stuff... wat happen to the parents these days!

 

i never thought of this till i passed 21!!

[BOB]

Originally posted by Dahia al Kahina:

Some assumptions you make there,the generalisation is a tad bit off putting.[/QB]

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

You're accusing me of making ASSUMPTIONS while doing the same thing yourself by writing:D .

 

I am assuming

Back to the topic in hand...

 

My Dearest Sister...If you're bothered by the Mut'a then I'm afraid I wasn't generalizing...ask any Rafida or Shia and they will tell you that its permissible for any shia guy or girl to practice Mut'a...that's me putting it plainly and simply.

 

^^^About this whole monkey business of Boyfriend/Girlfriend, allow me to explain... First and foremost I wasn't referring to a Muslim girl when talking about this whole Gaalo iska yeel mumbo-jumbo of Bf/Gf thing as THERE IS NO SUCH THING as dating in Islam to begin with and you will never find me condone such an Un-islamic ideology (You assumed wrong).

 

Abaayo wax la qar-qariyo ma aqaan and pardon me if I come across as some one who lacks diplomacy as I hate politics and its hypocrisy with passion marka qofka qoray this topic is as confused as the topic itself and what he or she's asking of us is...is it OK for us to pimp our own children under our own watchful supervision...like I said...Pardon me if I come across as some one who lacks diplomacy laakiin runta marka laga hadlo that's exactly what this poster seems to be asking and my answer is simple NO.

 

Abaayo Kheyr ayaan kuu rajeynayaa Insha Allah and I apologize for the inconvenience or the stress my post may have caused you or anybody else in here as that was never my intention.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[Baluug]

I believe that Shia's don't follow the hadith that Muhammad SCW stopped mut'a, because they do not trust the narrator of the hadith, and as such, do not follow any hadiths narrated by that person. Abu Huraira, I think? At least that's what I think I remember reading somewhere. But I may be wrong, and Allah SWT knows best.

 

As for "halal" boyfriends/girlfriends, there is no such thing, as Bob just said. Either you're married, which is halal, or not married, which is haraam. If you're married, then you don't have a girlfriend. You have a wife. If you enter a marriage with the intention of divorcing later on, then Allah SWT knows what is in your heart and you will face the appropriate consequence. Allah knows best.

[BOB]

Originally posted by Ghanima:

^^^BOB 30 is not old for a women, what world do you live in. In fact why would any women marry before hitting 30?? she needs to live life first

I know I will get into trouble with you by putting you on the spot but you know me...I enjoy nothing more than putting you on the spot .

 

I never said 30 is old for anybody never mind dumarka...my point was...We all know how Big the Kuffaars are on Bf/Gf and I came across few (Both Males & Females) who openly confessed to me that the only reason they were in this particular relationship is for the sake of the fun (take it as you will) and then if they meet another person who's offering more fun then they wont have a problem in jumping ship and the cycle will continue with each new partner and before they know it at least they have been with a dozen of different partners each and soon their whole judgement will be solely based on Needs rather than Wants...meaning they will settle down with the first person that they believe is THE ONE because it seems all their friends have done just that...so it's clear that I WAS NOT referring to a Muslim girl and the reason being this topic has nothing to do with Islam or Muslims.

 

 

But on a lighter note...I would really worry if there were no several Faaraxs asking my little Princess's hand in marriage before she even hit 20...

 

Yeah...I will allow my daughter to live her life by making her read these books "Stay Away From The Boys" and "Dolls Are Better Than Boys" all written by her beloved daddy...

 

 

I live in Africa...that's my world and just like my continet my views are SO THIRD WORLD like you girls like to say...

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[BOB]

Originally posted by Tagsiile:

I believe that Shia's don't follow the hadith that Muhammad SCW stopped mut'a, because they do not trust the narrator of the hadith, and as such, do not follow any hadiths narrated by that person. Abu Huraira, I think? At least that's what I think I remember reading somewhere. But I may be wrong, and Allah SWT knows best.

Brother Shias don't even believe this Qur'an is as Authentic as Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h knew...they claim the sahabahs changed it... especially Abubakar, Omar and Uthman R.Anhum and Brother you're right they don't believe the Sahihu al-Bukhari and Sahihu Al-Muslim etc...they believe a book called Usul Kaafi written by a guy named Kaafi something and its riddled with blasphemy...

 

 

Let me not hijack the topic...my Apologies to De Novo.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[Azmaya]

Originally posted by De novo:

Why don't we let our kids to date in their teenage years? What if we let them marry each other, temporarily, with the consent of their parents with a condition that they stay married until they finish high school and sleep together only during the weekends in one of parents' homes. And that they should only do it using a condom. With this, there should be no worry of dropping-out of school because of pregnancy. And after finishing high school, they can upgrade their marriage to a full status or terminate it if they choose to. I believe this will help our kids to date each other legally and reduce to committing a sin!

loooooooooooooooooooooooool, thanks for the laugh.

and that's disgusting.

[LayZie G.]

Ngonge, eedo I have never seen you as upset as your last post, I must have hit a nerve or two.

 

I read your entire response to Bob before I posted, and what I said about you still stands. Nin War jecel ayaa tahay. Waan iska hadlaa war maaha sweetie, you have got to do better than that.

 

Dadka fikradooda iyo hadalkooda aan murun lagalaa but fikradeyda ma sheeganaayo majirikarto.

 

LazyGirl, you must be itching to be in the ring with NGONGE for mud wrestling! I don't like him either, but for different reasons

Whatever made you say that? Ngonge knows I adore him, don't u eedo?

[Azmaya]

From the narration of Sa’eed ibn Jubayr who said: “Ibn Abbaas asked me: “Have you married yet?” I answered no, so he said: “Marry! For the best of this ummah are those with the most women.” Collected by Al-Bukhaaree in the book of Marriage, chapter: Plurality of Women [no. 5069]. Al-Haafidh said in Al-Fath [10/143]: “He restricted it to this ummah to exclude the likes of Sulaymaan (‘alayhi salaam), as indeed he had the most women as has preceded, and also his father Daawood, and there came At-Tabaraanee the narration of Ayyoob on the authority of Sa’eed ibn Jubayr from Ibn Abbaas; “Marry! For indeed the best of us was the one with the most women.” And it is said that the meaning of the best of the ummah of Muhammad is the one who has more women than the others from those who are equal to him in other than that in virtues. And what is apparent is that what was intended by the best is ‘the Prophet’, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and by ummah, ‘his companions.’” He says later: “And it has come in Ash-Shafaa that the Arabs used to praise plurality of marriage from what it points to of manhood

 

OMG Earth to Al-Mu'minah don't let them brainwash you darling , this is a sexist and fabricated used by sexist sheikhs to have multiple wives. *rolls eyes** DONT believe it huuno, theyll tell you men is head, woman should obey please, my mom told me back in somalia the so called sheikhs always skipped the verses that spoke of women rights and equality, and focused on verses about polygamy, and men being king of the house and for the girl to obey. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaze.

[Al-Muminah]

Originally posted by Azmaya:

From the narration of Sa’eed ibn Jubayr who said: “Ibn Abbaas asked me: “Have you married yet?” I answered no, so he said: “Marry! For the best of this ummah are those with the most women.” Collected by Al-Bukhaaree in the book of Marriage, chapter: Plurality of Women [no. 5069]. Al-Haafidh said in Al-Fath [10/143]: “He restricted it to this ummah to exclude the likes of Sulaymaan (‘alayhi salaam), as indeed he had the most women as has preceded, and also his father Daawood, and there came At-Tabaraanee the narration of Ayyoob on the authority of Sa’eed ibn Jubayr from Ibn Abbaas; “Marry! For indeed the best of us was the one with the most women.” And it is said that the meaning of the best of the ummah of Muhammad is the one who has more women than the others from those who are equal to him in other than that in virtues. And what is apparent is that what was intended by the best is ‘the Prophet’, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and by ummah, ‘his companions.’” He says later: “And it has come in Ash-Shafaa that the Arabs used to praise plurality of marriage from what it points to of manhood

 

OMG Earth to Al-Mu'minah don't let them brainwash you darling , this is a sexist and fabricated used by sexist sheikhs to have multiple wives. *rolls eyes** DONT believe it huuno, theyll tell you men is head, woman should obey please, my mom told me back in somalia the so called sheikhs always skipped the verses that spoke of women rights and equality, and focused on verses about polygamy, and men being king of the house and for the girl to obey. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaze.

Salaama calaikum ukhti, just read the bottom it states that Arabs thought marrying a lot of women equalled manhood. Don't worry walal, lol I know my rights.

[roobleh]

Posted by Bob:

Abaayo wax la qar-qariyo ma aqaan and pardon me if I come across as some one who lacks diplomacy as I hate politics and its hypocrisy with passion marka qofka qoray this topic is as confused as the topic itself and what he or she's asking of us is...is it OK for us to pimp our own children under our own watchful supervision...

Bob, you've resorted to calling names instead of debating and trying to convince us why such question in this topic is not allowed in Islam. There are many good Muslim families living in the West trying hard to make their families stay intact. Some of those parents have to deal with the freedom that their Western raised kids demand and bending the rules so the kid won't leave the family and go to a foster home. If you let them go, then the probability is that they will go to a non-Muslim family and become raised as such.

 

The point of the topic is not about changing the rules of Islam, but to understand it. If there is specific rule in Islam that clearly prohibits such kind of marriages, then I'm happy to know about it. If there is no such, then opinions of the confused Muslim hardliners won't serve any good to such families.

[Sharmarkee]

^^Islam encourages early marriage and permanent one, not ku meel gaadh, secondly early days the life was so simple and people have used to have few sheeps and few camels, or cultivate their plot, were sometimes you dont even need money to buy things. nowadays life is hard and different, eduation is must, kids should be responsible, decent, and morally upright. till they will at least complete A levels. at the age of 18 and beyond they can marry if necessary.

 

to stay away from Zina and illict sex is the main point here(Islam told us - Dont go near it ). now we now that how zina is destroying lifes, well if kids have the proper islamic education in home, they will put sex in the back burner for a while and develop their educations and careers for a while, and lead a normal life after a certain age. but frankly this is different from family to family and from person to person.

[Ibtisam]

^^^I could not agree more.

Maybe those families just need raise their kids, educate them and install a good upbringing in them, rather than trying to police them, and force them into temporary marriages. Children are not retards, they just need discipline and direction from an early age. Obviously we are managing in these societies, having been borough up here, so I don't see why they won't be able to manage...but then again if parents are thinking along these lines, I can see why there maybe some problems.

 

Perhaps the actually problem is that people who lack sound judgement are having kids, maaxa their kids uu sheekayan, iska daal maah, like many somalis seem to think.

 

If the issue is temporary marriages, then it is not allowed, simple as. IF the issue is early marriages, then that is something Islam advises. So pray tell what there to discuss ya De Nova?? other than maadax waarer.

 

 

At-Tabaraanee the narration of Ayyoob on the authority of Sa’eed ibn Jubayr from Ibn Abbaas

Azmaya, she already quote the authority and reported narration, whaT has it got to do with somali/ Arab men who want to keep women down? :confused:

[NGONGE]

Originally posted by LayZieGirl:

Whatever made you say that? Ngonge knows I adore him, don't u eedo?

No truer words were ever spoken, eedo

 

I love you too. This is why I insist that you work on your reading.

 

Do it for me, eedo. Focus now.

 

[BOB]

Originally posted by De novo:

Bob, you've resorted to calling names instead of debating and trying to convince us why such question in this topic is not allowed in Islam.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

My Dearest Brother De Novo...

 

I will be the first one to admit that YOU'RE 100% RIGHT...I should never have resorted to name calling and I APOLOGIZE TO YOU from the bottom of my heart and I hope you'd forgive me Insha Allah.

 

 

Walaal what you're proposing here doesn't concur with Islamic faith as there is no place for the so-called B'Friend and G'Friend relationship in Islam...Islam ONLY recognizes Husband and Wife and your suggestion doesn't offer any solutionto what our kids get upto these days...their problem lies way deeper than raging hormones.

 

as a community living in diaspora we all know how high our divorce rate is...you don't think that is down to raging hormones...do you? it's down to lack of commitment from both sides and here you're suggesting to (or should that be "encouraging"?) our kids to make mockery out of marriage,commitment and above all stable life.

 

Why on earth would one encourage his son/daughter to get married when they barely understand the significance of what marriage really means and then seek divorce the moment the going gets tough? We all know that no marriage is without its ups and downs and no marriage will succeed unless both parties are prepared to give their all every minute and everyday just to get by.

 

How many Somali parents can say they have the trust of their kids? by trust I mean how many adolescent Somali kids can openly share their feelings with their parents without ever being hit or condemned and then sent to bed? How many Somali parents play an active role in their children's lives? How many Somali Mothers sit their daughters down and have a lengthy normal chat and offer advice after sensing that something is bothering her daughter not because her paternal instincts tell her so but because she knows her daughter well? How many Somali kids have the luxury of growing up with and around both their parents?

 

 

They say Charity Begins At Home...Walaal our kids don't need a B'friend or G'friend ee waxey ubaahanyihiin parents in their lives...parents to guide them and LOVE THEM and LOVE THEM OPENLY by letting them know how much they mean to you and how much you love them.

 

First let's get our houses to resemble a home and make it a good place for our kids to be...teach them to be responsible by being responsible parents ourselves...let's give them not only the impression but make them believe that WE ARE ALWAYS available to them and they can share their deepest secrets without facing any repurcation...let's be good role models to our children...by Allah my father has always been my role model...he still is in his 60's.

 

We should raise our kids as Muslims and teach them about Islam and how its WAY OF LIFE but when we let our children do whatever they want and we never have time for them and we are always away from home by doing god knows what and when we come home they see us arguing or worse aan hortooda isku cayno then I'm afraid this is exactly the price we pay for failing our parental duties.

 

I would advice Somali parents to take the intiative and play an active role in their children's lives and be visible to your children and be available for your children and above all caruurta dulmiga ka daaya oo wax xun ha tusina, jaadka hortooda haku cunina sigaarkana hortooda haku cabina...qaar baa caruurtooda iisoo shid sigaarka dhahaayo...qaar kalena waxee u ogolaadaan caruurtooda inee gabartiina raacdo wiilal iyo B'friend wiilkiina wuxuu raacayaa gabdho iyo G'friend marka what kind of kids will these children grwo up to be and do you think in lagu karaayo Diin iyo Salaad iyo Soon caruur aad wadadii ka lumisay...they will talk back to you and they will have no respect for you whatsoever.

 

May Allah S.W guide all through the righteous path and may he protect our children from all evil and may he make us good muslim parents Insha Allah.

 

 

PS. I hope that wasn't the opinion of a confused Muslim hardliner but a CONCERNED Muslim and Somali . I'm Out.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.