Legal way for a muslim kid to have boy/girlfriend

[Paragon]

Lol. Ma ku-sug baa loo raadinayaa ciyaalka?

[Aaliyyah]

I am not sure what the religion says about this matter. But, it sounds reasonable, if they cant keep their hands off each other, they might as well get married.

 

However, keep in mind that they might get kids at such a young age, as the various birth control methods do not always work. and in that case would u have the parents taking care of their own children, and their children's kids on top of that. I dnt know bt if i was a parent i wouldn't agree to this type of marriage. if some one wants to be married, they better take responsibility and move out of my house heheh..just my opinion.

 

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The world is nothing but a blink of an eye. Where the here-after is eternal

[NGONGE]

Originally posted by *BOB:

If their parents are Shia...they wont have any problem with the idea as Shias have been doing it for ages and their girls normally 'marry' every guy they feel something for and as soon as the guy fails to show her the stars and the moon...off he goes and she sets her sights on the next guy who's potentially capable of showing her the stars in the light of the day...and they call it Mut'a or 'Mudhca'...

 

Marka...Would anyone in here want his/her daughter to marry every "boyfriend" she has...because how many boyfriends does the average girl has in her life-time before she finally marries one out of desperation and not love after she realises that she's into her mid 30's?

 

This whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing is MONKEY BUSINESS and it's not something that a Muslim person should even contemplate on...and Islam doesn't allow such corrupt marriage.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

Looks like the fasting and hunger is getting to you there, brother. For at a few clicks of your fingers youطve branded all shia women as harlots and fornicators! I realise how vulgar it is to even begin to argue with someone making such a spectacular generalisation but still canطt help myself.

 

Still, I shall not go into the argument about the shia practices or ideology, thatطs a complicated argument that I donطt wish to go into, again. However, I would still like to attract your attention to the gross offence you make by assuming that ALL shia families agree to and allow their girls to indulge in such marriages. Adeer, there are millions of atheist and non-believing women who would feel disgusted with the idea of this kind of marriage, do you not then think that some of our shia sisters would also be against such a thing? Bal ka fakar before you let your tongue run away with you.

 

One the second point, which is something that Lily above was trying to argue, who can tell how marriages end up? A fifty year old mature man could marry an eighty year old mature woman and they may still get divorced a week later (because their goals in life have changed, etc). Surely it is about the pure intention in the first place! Now if two teenagers are attracted to each other and are in each other's pockets day and night, it's better to marry them off and hope that the marriage would last than turning our noses up at them and saying CEEB, CEEB, CEEB! Life and faith are simple, don't go complicating them.

 

As for your last point about Islam not allowing it, I put the article and link for that sole reason you know! It turns out that the Academy of Islamic fiqh does approve. Should we listen to you instead because you find it distasteful?

 

Granted, not many people would marry their sons and daughters in such a way and this type of marriage will not be suitable for everyone. However, it's a case of choice and intention. Should the intention be right and the choice acceptable one really can't see a problem there. In fact, ahalu-el-celm themselves don't seem to be having a problem with it. But you know best I guess.

 

Ps

I once saw an 18 year old girl marry out of desperation. Oday lacag leh ba hor kufay.

[Khalaf]

Absolutely true. Personality and goals not fully shaped @ 14-18, not even 20. It may cause them later resentment or sadness, sense of loss at not having an independent life before commiting to the puppy-love marriage.

The same thing can be said about late 20s, 30s ppl....and prophet scw told us to marry young, we just find this difficult in our times and "baby" young ppl instead of teaching them responsblity.

 

As for your last point about Islam not allowing it, I put the article and link for that sole reason you know! It turns out that the Academy of Islamic fiqh does approve. Should we listen to you instead because you find it distasteful?

The article u posted don't say much or it could be i just don't get it.....whats the position if person's ninyah is just to "shag" ....what are they saying its cool? Show the proof.

 

ps: There is hadith that says marriage is fard, if u feel like u gonna commit zina, and u shouldnt marry if u have no desires at all. And Allah knows Best.

[Al-Muminah]

Salaam, r you serious akhi? :confused: As somebody mentioned before, there's no such thing as a temporary marriage in Islaam. Get married if it keeps you from engaging in Zina inshallah those who do so will be rewarded.

 

From the narration of Sa’eed ibn Jubayr who said: “Ibn Abbaas asked me: “Have you married yet?” I answered no, so he said: “Marry! For the best of this ummah are those with the most women.” Collected by Al-Bukhaaree in the book of Marriage, chapter: Plurality of Women [no. 5069]. Al-Haafidh said in Al-Fath [10/143]: “He restricted it to this ummah to exclude the likes of Sulaymaan (‘alayhi salaam), as indeed he had the most women as has preceded, and also his father Daawood, and there came At-Tabaraanee the narration of Ayyoob on the authority of Sa’eed ibn Jubayr from Ibn Abbaas; “Marry! For indeed the best of us was the one with the most women.” And it is said that the meaning of the best of the ummah of Muhammad is the one who has more women than the others from those who are equal to him in other than that in virtues. And what is apparent is that what was intended by the best is ‘the Prophet’, (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and by ummah, ‘his companions.’” He says later: “And it has come in Ash-Shafaa that the Arabs used to praise plurality of marriage from what it points to of manhood.”

[Naden]

^

“Marry! For the best of this ummah are those with the most women.”

 

I hope that the most has an upper limit of 4.

[NGONGE]

Khalaf,

 

As you can see from the article and the quote below they have approved it as long as the Islamic conditions for marriage are fulfilled, saaxib. As long as both parties consent to the marriage, there is a meher involved ,there are witnesses present and the marriage is publicised then the conditions are all fulfilled. The only snag is in the financial rights of the woman but that was already dealt with by the scholars in their fatwa for the misyar marriage. If you want proof you better go and google it, saaxib.

 

The argument that these teenagers will only marry for sex is redundant. Most people marry for sex anyway (or at least it plays a major part in the decision making).

 

However, the Islamic Sharia managed to beat the traditions during a meeting held by more than 60 Muslim scholars in Mecca on April 12, 2006. On that occasion,

the Islamic Fiqh Academy approved mysiar and friend marriages, provided that the basic principles and conditions of marriage were fulfilled and that there were no prohibitions.

As you can see, where it differs from mut'aa marriage is in the fact that there is no end date set in place. This brings us to the issue of intention. And, frankly, who is to know the intentions of anyone! The Islamic way of doing it (as far as I understand) is to hope for the best and avoid making hostile assumptions.

[roobleh]

Bravo NGONGE!

 

Please lets not divide Muslims into Shia and Sunnis. I'm tired of that logic. Islam is one, and the best logic in Islam is the one that is based on the Quran and Haddis. My aim of posting this was and still is to see if this logic of temporary marriage does not go against the rules of Islam. Lets keep in mind that rules of Islam is there to solve our everyday problems. And as you can imagine, we have problems with teenage and sex among others.

 

For those of you who fear that unintentional pregnancy would cause kids to dropout of school, there are lots of solutions that work satisfactorily.

[Khalaf]

NG, i don't think google will provide me the daleel that was used from the Quran and Sunnah to arrive at those conclusions, thats why i wanted to understand the ruling. Kinda confused. From what i hear this is practiced largely in the Kingdom and Eygpt and is very popular, because getting married is very expensive, this marraige makes it easier (and both parties agree),the man doesnt have to to live with or financially support the woman, the wife forgoes either her nights or her right to expenditure, this is written in contract. Hmm did nabi scw use written contracts in marriage? What is the definition of marriage in Islamic law is the question? Quran says financial burden is on the men, but if woman agrees she needs no maintance, its okey? I even heard, Sheikh Bin Baz made marriage with intention of divorce/time specfic (like mut’ah marriage of shia's=clear zina haraam no?) halal for students. Allah knows best. but why not tackle the problems of Suadi society for example to make marriage easier, or encourage ppl to marry young? :confused: . But isn't it fair to say, that if someone hears the scholars from mecca (right or wrong in this context), and does have misyer marriage or even muata shia marriage, that they have no blame/sin themselves, but its scholars who carry the burden? That logic is used by some.

 

This brings us to the issue of intention. And, frankly, who is to know the intentions of anyone!

^^^u do, yourself....

[Naden]

Who cares if a teenager wants to have sex. That's what their hormones are there to do. Plenty of cold showers, full time school, part time job, community work and house chores should take care of that problem. Only an i*diot parent would open a marital home for a child, essentially, so they can bring more children into the world.

 

They can help them with education, trades training or even opening a business at some stage. Unless the parents want to have teens and their babies staying in their homes, with all the privileges of adulthood and none of the responsibilities. Most jobs require people to be at least 18 and with a high school diploma. Not to mention how expensive housing and other living costs have become.

 

Muta'a or halal designation doesn't pay any bills.

[roobleh]

Dear Naden, we need to care about how our kids feel and behave. Things are not the same here as back home, and there's a lot of sex exposure and promotion here in the west. As a parent, if you've to choose bw having a boyfried for your daughter or being married to him temporarily, which one will you choose? Again, this is not something that every parent will face during raising their kids, however, this idea may solve problems that some parents have here in the West.

[N.O.R.F]

I wonder how many would turn out for a 14 year old's wedding,,,

[Som@li]

Interesting indeed!

 

Anyway, I heard of pple who go to Kish,Iran for a short holiday, and surpisingly temporarily get married using the Mut'a! the hotels have the ladies, and the Shiekhs who will do the short quick nikaah which can last from few hrs to as long as you want. crazy shias!

[Allamagan]

This reminds me this "drive thru weddings" in America. Anything possible in this world these days.

 

De Novo, you sound like you already gave up and surrendered. What is this "to choose bw having a boyfried for your daughter or being married to him temporarily" all about? thats not a good approach to the problem. Sure, there are other ways to solve it. I believe the problem mainly rest with the parents for having overlooked their daughter's hormonal imbalance situation or "qooq" as they say in somali, in the early stages of her teen life. It seems to me as something preventable like they say, it is always easier to prevent disease than to cure it! however, no one can do anything when it is tooooo late.

[Aaliyyah]

As a parent, if you've to choose bw having a boyfried for your daughter or being married to him temporarily, which one will you choose?

If I was a parent, and had a child in high school. I would choose neither, they can not have a bf/gf, nor can they be in a temporary marriage. End of story

 

It is all about how you raise your kids, make sure their priorities are school at that young age. And, as Naden said keep them busy that should solve the problem.