a somali-swedish affair

[ailamos]

Here's the story.

 

My cousin got engaged to his high school sweetheart two weeks ago. He lives right here in the city and works a few blocks from where I am. We often go for coffee or lunch and last Friday him and I were discussing about random things, the usual politics and blah blah... when he began to tell me his concerns about the engagement and the pending wedding. His fiancée is Swedish and I don't mean Swedish-Somali but Swedish-Swedish, they are very close and have known each other for almost 20 years, their families though are not that familiar with one another. I've met both families on visits and they're both respectable and very nice people.

 

His parents, although respecting his opinion (he's 33), are not very comfortable with the whole engagement as they thought they were just close friends and nothing will come out of it.

 

His (and his parents) concerns revolve around the fact that his fiancée believes in having neutral names for their future children (non-Somali, non-Swedish). She also wants the children to carry both their last names: hers first, then his to break the traditional patriarchal system, so it would be Bengtsson-Osman. Her family is catholic but she's not religious (neither is he), so regarding religion she doesn't want to indoctrinate the children with a particular religion and that they should be exposed to both (and others) and in adulthood the decision is their to follow whichever.

 

So in summary he's concerned that the children will be more Western than Somali and that they might loose their Somali identity.

 

I basically think the whole matter is quite romantic and told him not to worry, they world is getting smaller anyway and his kids, if he decides to go ahead with the relationship, will be international kids from two smart people... world citizens if you will. Since I've met the future Mrs. Bengtsson-Osman, I told him flat out that one doesn't meet women like her often and to rethink about his doubts.

 

However, I've been curious to know what the online Somali community thinks?

[Chocolate and Honey]

His (and his parents) concerns revolve around the fact that his fiancée believes in having neutral names for their future children (non-Somali, non-Swedish).

 

She also wants the children to carry both their last names: hers first, then his to break the traditional patriarchal system, so it would be Bengtsson-Osman.

 

Her family is catholic but she's not religious (neither is he), .

Well, what the hell is NEUTRAL? Why must you eradicate a whole culture to acheive neutrality? :confused: So she is Catholic and He is Muslim but none of them is religious? Ok, what does being religious mean? Does he still pray, fast etc? If she is Catholic, doesnt that mean she has different values that ARE different from his?

 

so regarding religion she doesn't want to indoctrinate the children with a particular religion and that they should be exposed to both (and others) and in adulthood the decision is their to follow whichever

Oh boy! This really bothers me because if he is Muslim, the kids should be raised as Muslims period!

 

And finaly, the last name thing is weird. Are these two planning to raise aliens? I'm sorry but no man is an island. It is "romanctic" "daring" and even "cute" to be this "forward thinking" so to speak but the truth of the matter is THEIR decisions will affect their kids for they'll grow up in a society that has its own prejudices. I see too many problems with the set up but hey, he is a big boy.

[B]

my only concern is the naming of the children. he should negotiate and convince the blond bombshell that the children should adopt muslims names. or she persists use names that transcend borders like adam, sarah or even hannah.

[ailamos]

Originally posted by chocolate & honey:

Are these two planning to raise aliens?

LOOOOOL...

[B]

^ it show primitive thinking to come to such conclusions. we must be able to comprehend that religion is only one of the defining feature of a persons overall identity.

[ailamos]

Originally posted by chocolate & honey:

Well, what the hell is NEUTRAL? Why must you eradicate a whole culture to acheive neutrality? :confused: So she is Catholic and He is Muslim but none of them is religious? Ok, what does being religious mean? Does he still pray, fast etc? If she is Catholic, doesnt that mean she has different values that ARE different from his?

I've only started being close to him since he started to work in the city about 4-5 years ago, but in that time I don't think he's ever set foot in a mosque or even fasted for that matter. I really don't know enough about her values to comment, but I do know that she's not a fan of the catholic church and although she was raised catholic she doesn't practice at all. Astonishingly she sympathizes with Muslims and I've noticed that she defends them in conversation.

 

I think by neutral she means something like what B suggested above...

 

Hey B seems like you have experience is such matters do share your expertise

[-Lily-]

In short, they will be Swedish since that will be the stronger culture do to the place of residence, not to mention mothers have more influence on their children regardless of how good a dad he is. In any case, this is counting your apples before the harvest, since children are not guaranteed. Best of luck to the happy couple

 

 

B, you forget, for the practising Muslim, as many Somalis are and this being a Somali forum, religion IS hugely influential to one’s existence, other forms of identity following behind, but then again for this Somali man it is entirely different because if it was a huge factor he would not be marrying a non-Muslim woman.

[Kool_Kat]

Hadii uusanba naag gaal ah inuu guursanyo wax weyn u arkin, hada magac iyo dhaqan mawaxuu ka walwalaa?

[Gheelle.T]

How about Sakdeep and Yacqmada or Ochobombo and Kaalabandar for"neutral names"

 

Tabloid story and maalayacni

[Kool_Kat]

^Qaraar maakaa haayo inuu gabar cadaan ohoo timaha sidaa ukala daadanayaanoo indhaheeda aad quraarad moodo inuu wiilka keensaday?

[Castro]

This is stuff and nonsense. Shame on you ailamos for airing the private details of your friends' lives.

 

Got any pictures of the couple? I could use a Swedish minyaro.

[Chocolate and Honey]

^ it show primitive thinking to come to such conclusions. we must be able to comprehend that religion is only one of the defining feature of a persons overall identity.

If there is such thing as a DEFINING aspect of one's existance, religion is IT Period! So I dont see how considering one's beliefs is primitive.

 

I've only started being close to him since he started to work in the city about 4-5 years ago, but in that time I don't think he's ever set foot in a mosque or even fasted for that matter. I really don't know enough about her values to comment, but I do know that she's not a fan of the catholic church and although she was raised catholic she doesn't practice at all. Astonishingly she sympathizes with Muslims and I've noticed that she defends them in conversation.

Just because they dont practice or strictly follow their religion doesnt mean they dont have preconceived beliefs about how one should live their lives. Unless they're one of those people who take what suits them from religion and leave the rest, then they should be ok.

 

In short, they will be Swedish since that will be the stronger culture do to the place of residence, not to mention mothers have more influence on their children regardless of how good a dad he is.

Hence my insistance on bursting these people's bubbles. I mean it is admirable of them to attempt to design a "fair" system where they operate on neutrality but com on! The kids will have to live in a society that doesnt favor the father's nationality so consequently they will be SWEDISH with no ethnic name or religion to hint otherwise.

[Gheelle.T]

KK, wiil Somali iyo gabar Swedish ah inta ay marayso sheekada aa rabnaa inaan iska moosno, haddii kale waxaa imaanayso wax ka sii darran taas.

 

I don't get the reason why would people bring their family or friends private issues to a forum and ask strangers to comment on. It's all nonsense dee. Adigu maxaa soo wadaa hadda?

[ailamos]

Originally posted by Castro:

This is stuff and nonsense. Shame on you ailamos for airing the private details of your friends' lives.

^^ awww... boohoo! come on Ghelle T & Castro, this is an open forum is it not? if it doesn't interest you then move on no one here knows who I am nor who my cousin is, so what does it matter?

 

So relax... take a chill-pill...

[Castro]

^^^ You didn't read the fine print dude. And nice going getting Chocolate & Honey hot and bothered. lol.