Somali men lost their dignity in the West

[Hibo]

It is a wear topic to post in this section but i am asking the sisters to comment in this... In the west women have all the control on men, she is not happy she picks up the phone and the man is to be blamed for whatever she says her words is stronger than his, in Middle East men is in the top and women has no rights and they are to be blamed if the man is looser and treat them wrong they will always say it is her .. she is no good. In Somalia we had blance, we had the perfect tradition if the two people have a problem no one to blame we talk about it " gogol baa ladhigan " ninkasto xaqiisa buu qaadan, we went to the west men lost dignity they have no word in the house so some stay and feel insulted just to keep their family together and let the female run the house and some walk away and try to save some of the dignity he hasleft with, and a somali man has nothing else but dignity and that is in treat in the west so divorce increased among somalians in the west, that is the way i saw it what is happening in the west and i am not generalizing, this theory of mine does not reflect on all families and i am not saying all our sisters are using the west system which is designed for them to take control in the house but a large number do unfortunatly, u can disagree but i am just saying my theory of the reasons our brothers are leaving there wives in a young age.. it is loosing dignity...

OG_Moti

[Funkysista]

You are right divorce increased among somalians, you know the reason why..men ain't secure enough to let go and accept women are self relaible and the fact that women are educating themselves which few women used to back in somalia....now things went ballistic cos men want women who stay at home and looking after children regadless what her oponion is...hello!!

 

Brotha believe it or not this is called everybody is entitled to have an opinion cos women want to be part of the world as much as men want and nobody lives on island anymore....the other thing is that i want to specify most of somali men love to torture their women i don't get it whether it's some kind of peer pressure or something*LOL* but this has to stop peroid.....no wonder why men feel they lost their degnity..brothe it ain't shame if women takes her part of her role.......i think it's fair enough if the husband can't get a job and his wife does atleast ur woman is taking care of ya....i know for sure men want to boss around and act like ladies are nothing but a chef.lol

 

It's funny what we call tradition...cos i don't see anything is wrong if a woman stands for her right...i am probably leading you to the wrong direction but i guess somali brothers fear that women are now well educated and they have this theory of you will live under her shadow...about timei say cos even today in australia there are so many sisters live under domestic voilence....

 

i hope this answers your question.

adios

[Sniper]

WAALA FURAA TII FADHIN WEESO...what can i say God help us not to divirce...but girls need alot of tolanrence by their men...but in the west you need to do your part i cant take the WALAC insults and also the expensses...plus the work stress and the road rage..and everything..you name it...so as you're my love make me calm down...don make boil up...that is the message to my beautful sisters....

 

------------------

[Jaber]

Divorce and Feminism go hand in hand!

[Hibo]

Jaber so does Divorce and Chuvenism

 

Og Moti,

 

Though a little on the biased side, you made some okaish observations there! I suppose living in a different society does play a major role... but it is not only the women that have changed. Take this as an example, in London you have men, who don't support their families, who seem to be more interested in clan basd politics, the merfesh then their childrens education or welfare ... and they demand to be treated as husbands, they want cooked meals, cloths washed etc.. not bge nagged ... and are they fullfilling their duties as husbands or fathers .... no!

 

This is NOT the case for all Londoners .. so it ain't a general statement!

 

Walaalo, call me what ever you want, but if a man wants to be treated like one, then he need to start acting like one, na mean.

 

 

Sisters need to relise that they have DUTIES as well as RIGHTS over their husbands ... there is no point in demanding respect, if U ain't giving it. Like Spiner said, women need to be making life easier their men not harder .... U know how that saying goes .. there is a behind every succesful man there is a good nomad woman (I am sure that was how the original qoute was phrased).

[Hibo]

sista you took it personal i was just refering to the brothers who are treated badly just because the west allows that.. and sis u are right some brothers are loosers but a lot of good men hard to find have been insulted and lost their dignity just because the nomad sista felt she has powers and she decided to test her powers what the nomad sista forget was good men when they turn their back away they never look back .. so all i am saying is sisters do not let the good man fly away just because u feel the system is in ur side.. peace to all

[Funkysista]

OG_MOTI I understood what you meant but what i was indicating at was how some men can't handle the fact that women want some changes..lol

I don't think any sista would let a good man pass her by and not every women would use her powers unless she lost her mind...as ameenah said women are not the only one have changed...

[Buubto]

here we go wixii xunba xaawo ayaa leh

There is many Somali men who still have their dignity & self-respect. Currently living in western countries, whom r behind fantastic ladies. These true somali men (ilahay ha dhowree) do their responsibility & live in great life. Have a wife who completely respects them, whom treats them just the way they treat her. The problem u mentioned most of the times occurs to men whom r in the first place un-loyal & irresponsible as far as his family responsibilities goes. These men r unemployed, they waste their time at the cafes, chewing qaat, discussing politics & etc. They disobeyed the responsibility that Allah gave them regarding their waves & kids. Yes there r some women who mistreat their husbands & taking advantage of this so called women power.

 

Dhariga maxaa kuleelka ka keenay? As a employee if u don’t do ur work probably & file to attend work will u get pied & keep ur job? Offcourse not. In life u get out of it what u put into, there is no free service. Same goes with these husbands they failed to fulfil their responsibilities. What is the use hanging to something is not useful to u? He has no idea what his family is going through, nor does he support them financially. This is not the case of women having power now & they could do whatever their mind cherishes not at all, is just that women r fed up with this nonsense excuses, intolerance & unimproved behaviours that men have towards women. Like one sister mentioned, most these men get married 4 the sake of service & production. They abandoned Allah’s rules & walked away their responsibilities.

 

Their priority isn’t their family interest. Why have a husband who is bad role model 4 them, whom will only teach his sons how to chew qaat, mistreat ur wife & live on welfare. Can u tell me how many ladies work & how many men work, how many ladies r single mother whom their husbands abandoned them, how many ladies have to fulfil their husbands responsibility plus work, help the kids with homework, cook, pay bill & other house work, while the husband is too busy doing nothing chatting at the cafes?

 

Is time men stop blaming their mistakes to women & start making changes. Walaahi is just heartbreaking to see so many young & middle-aged men unemployed setting at the cafes, have no idea what their waves & kids r going through. Where I live Australia there is high number of single mothers is not cuz they kicked their husbands walaahi not at all, they either live same city or another country while these kids grow up in difficult condition. The solution isn’t blaming the other gander is time some serious changes occur & it better be soon otherwise the consequences could be dreadful.

 

 

------------------

"Our Lord! forgive us our sins and anything we may have done that transgressed our duty: establish our feet firmly, and help us against those that resist Faith." (3:147)

 

[This message has been edited by Buubto (edited 05-01-2002).]

[LadyFatima]

Salaama All...

 

First of all, I totally AGREE with ya Ameenah...Afkaaga caano macaan lagu qabay Ukhtii.......

 

2ndly......It's time we accept the Social Changes! times are not the same, places are not the same and people are not the same anymore compare to 15yrs ago when we were in our country... what we need to do instead of pointing fingers at the opposite sex is learn how to live together peacefully..Men need to be MEN and stop whining 24/7 about their Xaliimoz and WOMEN need to start treating their Kings as such... We live in a time where one source of income is not enough to raise a whole family! so If our Xaliimooyin go out and work side by side with their special other this shouldn't be seen as if we are running away from our(womanly) responsibilities but rather as an act of courage& hard work especially if she has children...Believe me it's not easy for a mother to leave her child alone with a babysitter or someone else while she is doing the 9-5 on daily basis.......

 

Things will Never ever be the same as they were when we were back home! and that is OK However Instead of copying and adopting the bad elements of these other cultures why not adopt the good elemements and mix that with your Islamic Values?? Not everything was good about our Culture and everything aint groovy with the western culture either........

 

We also have to be more carefull of who we marry....the right person=Right Marriage=perfect life!!..........W/Allah's Permission of course........

 

 

Ma'salaama

[Funkysista]

Well said Buubto i couldn't have said any better.

It's heart breaking when you see our somalian Australian men are all parked their asses in somali cafe's and all they chit chatting about is politics and how they will role somalia in the meanwhile their children need to be picked up from the child care or school....Nomad Australian Men need life strategiest..*LOL*

[Hibo]

let me tell you this guys. before we analyse the problem let us explore a minute the life back home where we lived. life was normal no hassle no bussle, very few divorces use to occur , no man or no woman call the police to evict their partner, people were not spoilt by money and wealthy although we were happier than today.we were real nomads (women heralded goats and men heralded camels)(honestly speaking few of us had urban life and if we had the urban life we lived was not that different from the nomadic life). very few men chewed KAAT so what has changed then?

 

we are no more heralding goats and camels!!

 

so what are we doing then?

Back home as we were nomads we did not know the life beyond nomadic way. we took days as they came, no plan , no priority!!!! and most important of all no education!!! we were illiterates ( mostly)!! and that is my dears the backbone of our problem here in the WEST!!! there is no point blaming the opposite gender!!!!absolutely no point. so then we came here in the west, men and women, children and adults, no certificates, few of us has ever came this far, no knowledge of the countries we are settling. but we have been given few information which were misguiding rather informing about the social life here like you can call the police if your husband nags you, there is somali cafe there and there, there is kaat comes weekly. So there we go. before even learning the language woman starts calling the police and the man starts chewing in merfesh this and that. not knowing the language, not even seeking education, not learning about the social life in the country!!! what comes then tell me? MISUNDERSTANDING AT HOME and then comes DIVORCE!!!! what follows it?? children grew without father!! Then looses the life cycle and starts smoking cannabis etc!!no desire for school and all his friends becomes the most notorious jamaican gangs!!!!!!!!! man continue chewing, woman sits home with her halimo or whatever you call it blabbering this and that not even recognizing the importance of education( The point women are educated than they were back home is is unprofounded and mere lie, where is the educated women? or men?

 

So the problem my friends is EDUCATION!!! Let us take the BOOKS and study and learn who we are and who are these people we came to are only then we will have harmony and respect at home.

 

My opinion is that we can survive as nomads in our own rural somalia, but the only way surviving here in the west is to educate ourselvwes and take this opportunity of free education before we go back to our troubled nomads.

 

that is all i can think of.. i was not intending to offend any one but if u see my post offensive forgive me .. i am only human

 

[Hibo]

Excuse me while I side track - Not going to comment on the topic, rather pick on Haraky

 

Haraky: I beg to differ - Not every Somali was a Camel herder/illeterate moron. Lets not mock our pple that way. They may not have had the Opportunity for an Education or Wealth ie; May not have seen all the glitters in the world - no this, no that but they sure were Blessed with Brains, perfectly Happy, Faithful, Pure and Greatful for the littles things.

 

Not to forget how good meteorologists they were without a degree!! To Make it short - Education Doesn't buy you Brains.

 

 

God Bless.

 

 

 

 

------------------

"He tried to be somebody by trying to be like everybody, which makes him a nobody."

[Hibo]

SOUL_LADY i must agree Education doesn't buy you a brain, thats true.

[commonsense]

Oh my god, as long as i can remember my mother was running things in my house. It doesn't mean my father didn't have a say cuz they made dicisions together. I've never seen my father disrespect my mother and vise versa.

 

But for the poor ladies who were abused mentally and physically and depended on their husbands financially...there was no way out for them and there wasn't a system that supported them. Pretty much the women that survived these ordeals were the ones with family member(father, brother, uncles)who made the husband divorce her.

What if she didn't who rescued her???? nobody that is who.

 

Don't get me wrong the western system is great for those who need it, but it shouldn't be abused by the women who don't.

 

If ppl follow the religion 100% these issues wouldn't raise right.

[Hibo]

War ileen tanookale, war anagaa wax aragnay, guys First of all I never blamed women, I have stated a simple fact which made me so sad, secondly Sis Soul_lady, yaa adigaa war haya oo geela ma ceeb baa ala xaal baa kusaaran, any way let me go back to this topic to the sisters of Australia, and North America, QAAD is not the isssue our brothers eat it to cover their sorrow and sadness, since the women is the head of the house since he felt no need for him to bring bread since you guys are working and making money so why look for a job see what i mean, any way nothing wrong with the women working and making money however when it comes to the house you should let the man feel he is the head of house he is the bread winner, i had someone in my life and she always wanted to invite and pay my launch and i said no way and we start making it big issue till i had to walk away from her, see it is not small issue and it is not QAAD, it is our queens forgeting the somalian tradition and living in the dream world of the west, i have 100s of western friends and guess what none zero of them grow up with his/her both parents, western people work both female and male and they still devorce so do not blame unemployment it is just we are infected by the west devorce virus and our queens get the virus before the brothers, so the solution ...what is the solution .. ? i mean it seems to me the sisters are defending themselves and blaming the brothers I tell you what boobto and Funky_sista said some interesting statments but clearly taking female sides, aaaminah and lady_fatima good points but still taking sides, Haraky almost gave me a satisfactory answers of the reason but no solution, guys please give me a solution and don't say the brothers should do this and that, cause 80% of the problem is the queens and the 20% of men's fault we are working on that, please our queens we love you but step out of this west dream and be somalian ladies once again remember no devorce among somalis in middle east or africa and men are the same in all those places so what has changed in the west i say our WOMEN, peace and lots of love to the sisters and maybe we need to drink caano geel again then only then we could focus and be true nomads...