Jealousy/Envy

[- Femme -]

I found this interesting article. Im not going to offer my opinion on this and I hope no one makes it into a women/men bashing session. Just read and think about it

 

MY HUSBAND came home last week from a visit to the grocery for some last-minute necessities with an interesting question. He noted that at the cashier counter he was literally surrounded by two things: candy and tabloids. He further noted that the tabloids were predominantly pointing out the physical, personal and professional woes and horrors of -- women. He wondered aloud to me why the purchasers of these tabloids were predominantly women. (Twice as many women buy the National Enquirer as men.) His question was this: "Why do women enjoy the pain and suffering of other women so much that the tabloids earn millions of dollars off it?"

 

Good question. I posed this question to my radio audience, and the responses were overwhelming in number, interesting in insight, and devastating in their characterization of women -- mostly from women themselves.

 

David, a man from Corpus Christi, Texas, attempted to distinguish this morbid curiosity that women have from that of men with the following: "Not that men don't envy successful men, but most have a different approach to the problem this causes them. A man is less likely to want to find moral and other lapses in successful men, or to hope that they suffer family problems and die lingering, painful deaths, than he is to try to find out exactly what the other guy did to become successful and to try to do the same thing."

 

If David is right, and I think he is, perhaps a significant part of that male/female difference is biological -- namely, testosterone. In his brilliantly illuminating article in The New York Times Magazine (April 2, 2000), Andrew Sullivan points out that "Testosterone's antidepressant power is only marginally understood. It doesn't act in the precise way other antidepressants do, and it probably helps alleviate gloominess primarily by propelling people into greater activity and restlessness, giving them less time to think and reflect. This may be one reason women tend to suffer more from depression than men."

 

For the most part, the audience responses suggested that envy is women's greatest problem, leading to the "enjoyment" of the pain of other women. "Even the woman who seems to have a high self-esteem may see parts of herself as inadequate compared to others; this can also lead to fantasy butchering of another's ego to support one's own," writes Mary from Louisiana. More simply put by Becky from Arizona: "I believe that women like to know about those things because it makes them feel better about their own lives." Or, "It's easier to envy someone successful than to work at being successful yourself," wrote Laurie from New Hampshire.

 

In my 1994 best seller, "The Ten ****** Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives," I pointed out that from my experience talking to thousands of women (and men) on the air, it seemed clear that women ruminate and stew over perceived or imagined slights, disappointments and frustrations. Whereas men react more to change, correct or eliminate the problem. Activity counters depression; rumination breeds resentment.

 

However, just because biology presents some built-in parameters, they aren't necessarily bad or good. One need only acknowledge the obvious and work within those parameters. For example, in therapeutic situations, many passive, resentful women can learn to channel projections of self-hate into respect and/or action. In other words, all of us can fight what appears to be instinctive or reflexive and rise above our "nature." We can learn to "not say anything at all, if you can't say something nice."

 

Lois, from North Dakota, suggests a "cure" for this "competitive/envy" ailment -- good families. "I was born in 1938 ... into a family full of very handsome, much older brothers. Girls continually chased them all over the place and it always amazed me. When I was about 12 years old, one of my brothers told me that the biggest problem some women have is the idea that they cannot feel secure unless they are measuring themselves against someone else. Men settle that on the football field. Girls never give up.

 

'You'll be happier,' he added, 'if you rise above that attitude.' I took his advice."

[- Femme -]

Hadhrat Anas (Radhiallaahu Anhu) reports: One day we were sitting in the presence of Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, 'Just now a Jannati person will come in your presence.' In the meantime one Ansari Sahaabi (Radhiallaahu Anhu) came holding his shoes in his left hand, and the Wudhu water was dripping off his beard and said, 'Assalaamu Alaykum" When it was the second day, Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, 'Just now one Jannati Sahaabi will come and the same Sahaabi (Radhiallaahu Anhu) came. Also on the third day, Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) mentioned the same thing and the very same Sahaabi (Radhiallaahu Anhu) came. When Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) returned to his house, then another Sahaabi, Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-Aas (Radhiallaahu Anhu) followed this person. He said to that Sahaabi, 'I had an argument with my father about something and because of this I took a Qasm that for three days I would not go to my father. If give permission I may stay at your place for three days.' The Ansari Sahaabi (Radhiallaahu Anhu) told Abdullah (Radhiallaahu Anhu), 'No problem'. And Abdullah slept three days by him and kept watch all night to see what was his action?

 

So Abdullah (Radhiallaahu Anhu) saw that he didn't perform any Tahajjud Salaat, only when he turned his side (direction) during sleeping he would make Dhikr of Allah, then he would go back to sleep. When three days had passed, Abdullah (Radhiallaahu Anhu) said to himself that this person doesn't do anything much, he does very little actions. So Abdullah said, 'O Ansari Sahaabi! I didn't have any dispute (argument) with my father, but I only wanted to see the actions you do for which Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) gave you the glad-tidings of Jannah for three days. But I have seen that you do not do any extra actions, then how did you get such a stage?" This Ansari Sahaabi said, 'I only do those actions which you have seen." While he was going, the Ansaari Sahaabi then called Abdullah (Radhiallaahu Anhu) and said, 'I do not have any special action but I only practice on one thing, that if Allah gives, anybody a favour, then I do not become jealous over it." Then Abdullah (Radhiallaahu Anhu) remarked, 'It is for this same reason that Allah has given you the glad-tidings of Jannat in this world.'

 

From here, we realise that because of this Sahaabi abstaining from his jealousy, Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) gave him the glad-tidings of Jannah. We will not be able to do harm to other by having jealousy, in fact, one destroys one's own actions through it. Everyday, we read Salaat and we fast, we make Tasbeeh and make the Tilaawat of Qur'an, read Kitaabs and teach Kitaabs, go out in Jamaat and make a lot of effort. But if we are jealous about others then through this jealousy all our good deeds are destroyed. Therefore, at all times we should abstain from the jealousy which is Haraam.

 

Allah Ta'ala says in the Noble Qur'an,

'Do you have jealousy over those people upon whom Allah has bestowed of his favours.'

[Alle-ubaahne]

Waqti aan ku aqriyo ma haayo, laakiin waxaan u maleynaa iney naagaha maseer badan yihiin marka laga hadlo arimaha kusaabsan maseerka.

[Tuujiye]

ALLE sxb aniagana waan kugu raacsanahay....

kii maseer ahaan Dumarka ayuu ka imaaday......

 

wareer badanaa!!!

[- Femme -]

I was referring to both sexes....but if you'd rather read one part of the thread and completely skip the rest...well then what can I do? :rolleyes:

 

P.S. If you havent read it ...dont comment on it...afterall a doctor wouldnt make a prescription without a diagnosis would he?