QUANTUM LEAP Posted January 28, 2004 2. Be a Fundamentalist---make sure the Fun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laughtrack has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regular hilarity. 3. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for entering - so you are already a winner! 4. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel. 5. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. 6. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: Don't get even, get odd. 7. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be no madness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere. 8. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it. 9. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again. 10. If you're looking to find the key to the universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been left unlocked. 11. Finally, everything I have told you is channelled. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So we don't have to go through channels. The road to success is always under construction Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
babyface Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Shaqsii: 2. Be a Fundamentalist---make sure the Fun always comes before the mental. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regular hilarity. 6. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. 7. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be no madness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere. The road to success is always under construction [/QB] looooool...hilarius bro...got me crackin up Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QUANTUM LEAP Posted February 4, 2004 GEORGE BUSH : When you rearrange the letters : HE BUGS GORE DORMITORY : : DIRTY ROOM EVANGELIST : : EVIL'S AGENT PRESBYTERIAN : : BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION : : A ROPE ENDS IT THE MORSE CODE : : HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES : : CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY : : IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW : : WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS : : ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT : : I ' M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES : : THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO : : TWELVE PLUS ONE And for the! Grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QUANTUM LEAP Posted February 4, 2004 Cyber Women 1. INTERNET Woman: Sometimes difficult to access. 2. SERVER Woman : always busy when you need her. 3. WINDOWS Woman : everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but none can live without her. 4. POWERPOINT Woman : only Bill Gates has the will to use her more than half an hour. 5. EXCEL Woman : they say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs. 6. WORD Woman : she has always a surprise reserved for you, but no one in the world is able to fully understand her. 7. DOS Woman : everyone has had her at least once, but no one wants her anymore. 8. BACKUP Woman : you have always believed that she has everything you need, but when the "X-hour" comes, you find out that she has always missed something. 9. VIRUS Woman : also known as "wife"; when you are not expecting her to, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, but if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything. 10. SCANDISK Woman : you know that she is good and that she only wants to help you, but you never know what she is really doing that for. 11. SCREENSAVER Woman : she is not worth for anything, but at least she's fun! 12. RAM Woman : she forgets everything you say when you disconnect her. 13. HARD-DISK Woman : she remembers everything, FOR EVER. 14. MULTIMEDIA Woman : she makes horrible things look beautiful. 15. MICROSOFT Woman : she want to have the domination over all the men she meets, and she tries to convince them that this is the best thing for them. She will do as best as she can to make you fight against the other women, she promises you that you will have everything you want if you will give her your address book. Before you find it out, she will be the only one in your life. It will come the day you will need her permission to open your refrigerator or to start your car. 16. PASSWORD Woman : you believe to be the only one knowing her, but in reality all the world does. 17. MP3 Woman : everybody wants to take her. 18. USER Woman : She screws up everything she does and she ask always more than she needs. 19. CPU Woman : From outside, she looks like she has everything, but from inside she is empty. 20. MONITOR Woman : She makes life looks more shining. 21. CD-ROM Woman : she is always faster and faster. 22. DATAWAREHOUSING Woman : she keeps you informed of everything, except of what you really want to know. 23. E-MAIL Woman : Out of every ten things she says, eight are bullshit Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QUANTUM LEAP Posted February 4, 2004 What does this remind you of? Misinformation minister Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
