Isnt ironic...........

[Captivating_SouL]

I've contemplated this few times to myself to reason why somalian brotha's say their not intimadated by a female but when in fact they are and yet have the courage to admit it?

 

Secondly this goes out to the brotha's-- do you expect a female to change after you get married?--let me specify change; as in if she was wearing jeans when you met her and now that you married you want her to wear skirts only; her hair being covered but when in fact it wasnt when you first met her and deciced to propose?

I cant seem to understand walaahi. I had a guy friend which i litearlly blew up on just the other day just because he had his views of "females being respectable and what not"...he goes into details as to he wants a girl that is confident, relgion and culture orientted? so tell me what that has to do with wearing a skirt?...Yes it did be approapiate but he she doesnt does that totally make her something she isnt.?

 

So then if that is the case; take me for instance, ( just for the record, i care less what opioions you already generated from)...but getting back to what i was saying...i'm very cultural and relgioious orientated, care my self with pride and dignity knowing my roots and as well as have the menatlity of a western>? So what in fact makes me in diff from what he said?...i' mean he is not your regular shiek himselve but yet he demands his wife to have that plus more?...make sense to you ?...how i see it is simply if you're not all that you want in the other, dont bother to bring it up.---oh what i fail to say earlier was the fact that he wants a girl to wear a skirt simply because she doesnt come off as a "distrubted" not for relgious reason or any sort cuz if had he brought that up, i did have nothing to argue but just fact that he failed to say that; it extremely got me pist.---

 

---====-so i guess after all what am asking you is, do you think someone should have the intension of changing the person their with or go with the flow even though it doesnt meet your critia>?....=====--- & if you love someone should something like that break you.

I believe people change, and when it comes to marriage i lead towards positive. In fact, both the men and women will change for certain after their first child... I believe you have enuff thoughts and comments to reflect back so do that and stay positive

 

*1

[Thinkerman]

I can only speak for myself.

 

marriage is marrige, it is about striking balances and making consessions to each other and to that end i agree with you that they shouldnt be this hypocracy on your friends part.

 

It is all to do with status and respectability from our point of view BS. When a guy decides to marry someone who will be his patner, that will bear him his children then hey should have every right to expect that she is excatly that i.e. modest in appreance, covered for the sake of him and their children.

 

But i suppose this is where perhaps you shouldnt think this way. If i can take the example of wearing the Hijab, covering ur hair. This is something that u should do fullstop not for the sake of ur husband but because it is a mandatory requirment of you by allah swt. So perhaps instead of thinking that about what guys whims are and whether u have to satisfy them just make sure that u are satisfying the request of you from allah swt.

[shyhem]

I gree with u'r friend,asomali woman wearing a tight jeans is a sign that she has no values,culture,princeples and faith.Why wear something u'r mom had neva and won't neva wear in public?

 

I rather be single than call a sister with hip hugging jeans and gap t-shirt as my wife.I 'm not in this world to change pple and that's why in the first place i only seduce somali woman with proper attire,skirt,along sleeved shirt and a qamar.

[Reality Check]

Brown,

 

I say that majority of Somalis are confused. I had this guy e-mail me saying that somali women in america are ho**es, bla bla bla and so I asked him: what about the men? and he goes..it doesnt matter about the men, no one cares about the men..see where I am going with this.

 

Its the new millenium and they still dont have a clue. We aint living in Somalia people, so can we STOP being so narrow-minded.

 

Brown, going back to what you posted, A person wearing a hijab and skirt isnt all perfect. For all you know they could be a closet freak. Thats something to think about!

 

 

WHY ARE SOMALIS ACTIN LIKE SUCH REERBADIYOS!?!

[Lefty]

I've contemplated this few times to myself to reason why somalian brotha's say their not intimadated by a female but when in fact they are and yet have the courage to admit it?

I don't know where you got that information but I have never encounter with anyone complaining about the domination of Somali-females. However, I agree with the jeans thing. What's the point of telling her to change her outfit when you met her and took her as your pride with her tigh jeans.

 

Opinionated..

 

If you always look forward to challenge men, you will end up loosen your footsteps. Men and Women aren't the same physically psychologically!. They do one thing different way therefore they need to be treated and judged different way.

[ZOLA]

i couldn't agree more with OPINIONATE and BROWN... most somali men want to marry a girl who is nice,non western, who is religious,respects her culture...for God sake where do u find women like that? not on earth..so it is ok for them to mess around..and do what ever they wish to do and finally end up with a "decent somali girl".so a woman who does not fit the above criteria in our culture is not worth marring...if i wear "hip hugging jeans and a gap t-shirt"as SHY said..does that tell anything about me? does it say that i am a slut or a nice decent gal?..i guess it doesn't.

 

so what my somali brother's need to understand is that we live in the 21cent..and not in the 20th cent...back then a woman's role was to me in the kitchen,pregnant,barefoot etc....but things have changed and men need to accept that.

 

i don't think any one has the right to change who u r . if they love u,then they should accept u just the way u r.

 

society is a system of organized hierarchies.until there is a challange to hierarchy..then violence is used..

 

A.A

[Captivating_SouL]

"he should have every right to expect that she is excatly that i.e. modest in appreance, covered for the sake of him and their children"

Shujui if am not mistaken you said COVER FOR THE SAKE OF HIM AND THE CHILDREN? AND THEN YOU USE THE RELGION AS A BACK UP...YOU NEED TO JUSTIFY WHAT EXACTLY YOU'RE SAYIN...LET ME ASK YOU THIS..YOU LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL..PERHAPS ORDER YOUR SIGNIFCANT OTHER?... DONT GET ME WRONG, SOMALIAN BROTHA'S ARE JUST LIKE ANY OTHER MALES WITH THEIR EGO'S STRING AROUND ON THEIR NUTZ. BIT GRAPHIC BUT THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE...AND I SHOULDT SAY ALL, JUST THE MAJORITY. I BELIEVE A WOMEN SHOULD WEAR THE HAJIB WITHOUT A DOUBT BUT IF SHE SO CHOOSES NOT TO THEN ITS SIMPLY BETWEEN HER AND ALLAH (SWT). SHUJUI LET ME ASK YOU THIS; YOU SAID SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF I DID RATHER BE SINGLE THEN TO DATE A GIRL THAT WEARS GAP SHIRTS AND JEANS RITE...THEN ARENT YOU BEING SUPERFICAL AND STEROTYPIN...I EXPECT QUIET MORE IN YOU BROTHA'S HAVEN GIVEN THE EDUCATION AND THE OPPOUNRITY TO BE IN THE WESTERN WORLD. I ONLY COME DOWN HARD ON YOU JUST BECAUSE OF MY EXPECTION.....BUT SINCE WE'RE BEING SO OPEN MINDED AND WHAT NOT. WHY IS THAT BROTHA'S LOOK FOR A SISTAH THAT IS EVERYTHING THEIR NOT WHEN THEY FINISH PLAYING AROUND, BEEN WITH EVERY GIRL ON THE BLOCK ETC...?.WHY WOULD A SISTAH TAKE YOU AS HER HUSBAND?...JUST LIKE IT TAKES YOU GUYS TO GROW UP AND REALIZE HOW YOU SHOULD BE ACTING , WE DO AS WELL. NOTHING HAPPENS OVER NITE, BUT IN FACT GRADUALLY...SO DONT THINK POOOOOF EVERYTHING BECOMES MAGICAL...RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE A JOB, YOU EITHER WORK AT IT OR YOU SIMPLY GET FIRED IN OTHER WORDS DIVORCED. SO YOU ASK US SISTAH WHY WE DONT WEAR HAJIB'S...I ASK YOU' HOW MANY GIRLS ARE YOU PLAYIN DAY IN AND OUT...AND SOMEONE ELSE MENTION THE FACT THAT A GIRL AND GUY ARE IN DIFFERENT AND SHOULD BE JUGDED DIFFERNTLY...BUT TO WHAT EXTEND?

 

*1

XXX

[SCORPION_SISTA]

AS I READ THIS TOPIC A THOUGHT HAD ACCURED TO ME. I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE MADE FROM A MAN'S RIB BONE. EACH ONE HAS A DIFFERENT SHAPE AND SIZE THAN THE OTHER, BUT ONE THING IN COMMON. IF ONE TRIES TO STRAIGHTEN UP A BONE FROM IT'S CURVY WAYS THEN IT BREAKS. A WOMAN IS EXCATELY LIKE THAT, U SHOULDN'T TRY TO CHANGE HER JUST ACCEPT HER AS SHE IS. IF BEFORE, SHE ENJOYED WEARING JEANS BE IT LOOSE OR TIGHT, WORE HIJAB OR NOT, THEN THAT IS IT. SO MARRY THE TYPE OF WOMAN U WOULD DATE AND DATE THE TYPE OF WOMAN U WOULD MARRY. ONE SHOULDN'T LIE TO ONESELF!!!!

 

AS TO THE HIJAB AGAIN, WE ALWAYS DON'T DO EVERYTHING WE SUPPOSE TO, BECAUSE ALLAH HAS GIVEN US THE RIGHT TO MAKE OUR OWN DECISIONS AND CHOICES. SO PLEASE RESPECT THE CHOICES THAT OTHERS MAKE, AS U WANT URS TO BE RESPECT, EVEN IF U DON'T HAVE TO AGREE TO IT, BECAUSE AT THE END IT WOULDN'T BE U WHO WILL BE STANDING IN FRONT OF ALLAH FOR THEM.

[The Rocks Chick]

Somali waxay ku maahmaahdaa " Luda jecli, Lafta jecli or as we hear often enough " have your cake and eat it too"....which describes the somali men to the T.

 

So brothas clothes dont make the person, and I'm sure you didnt marry her coz she looked hot in pair of Parasuco Jeans (hopefully you arent that dumb).

Presumably you married her for love and common interest (which you discussed prior to your nupitals, one hopes :rolleyes: ), so why make a U_TURN and expect her to change at your will, I mean who do you think you're :mad:

 

Most Faaraxs have ridiculous expectations :rolleyes: when it comes to marriage, and their motto is Been ku soo xirageli, runa ku dhaq ....what a BS, it positively reeks :mad:

 

xoxox

[Khayr]

Salamz,

Brown Sugah

You have some very valid arguments. I think its not fair on the sister for the brother to expect so much from her when he is not living that lifestyle.

Its Hypocrisy plain and simple and many somali and muslim men do it.

If a man is going to be the head of the household, then inshallah he should always be watching his back to see if he is about to fall off. Always striving to be the best he can be. If your wife sees that your not giving it your all in the deen and in all other aspects of your life and your asking her to be this and that; then the brother should expect some heatttt from her!!!

 

I like some of Scorpian Sista's arguments about not breaking a women but being gentle with her. If I am not mistaken, its a hadith about the women being like a rib thats bent and delicate. If you try to straighten it, then it will break.

So you have to be patient and gentle.

 

SO PLEASE RESPECT THE CHOICES THAT OTHERS MAKE said by SCORPIAN SISTA.

I couldn't disagree with you more on this liberal notion that everybodys ideas and ways is valid.

Whats wrong is WRONG no matter how you feel towards it or about it!!!

[Faarax-Brawn]

So,You are saying that a married MUSLIM woman can wear anything she desires other than the prescribed CODE of dress from allah swt? and that her husband,who in islam is her PROTECTOR cannot tell her to wear ISLAMIC clothes?

 

sisters GET UP WAKE UPP.

Your husband has every right to tell you what to WEAR!(islamic attire) as a matter of fact NO ONE should tell you what to wear,cozzzz ALLAHH has already said so.

 

You got beef with that?,you know damn well to GO

[Kool_Kat]

SCORPION_SISTA:

MARRY THE TYPE OF WOMAN U WOULD DATE AND DATE THE TYPE OF WOMAN U WOULD MARRY. ONE SHOULDN'T LIE TO ONESELF!!!![/ QUOTE]

 

Afkaaga caano lagu qabay...Walee hadalka afkeygaa ka daftay...

 

Brown_Suga, for a second there I thought you were talking about a friend of mine who got married last year...She met some guy about three months before she married him...He was a cab driver, chew khaad (you know your typical Somali man)...N'way, two months in to the relationship, he said to her "I don't believe in dating, if you want me and like me, we should get married right away"...My friend being so damn, she agreed...Once they got married, he started controlling her...He wouldn't let her go to weddings, parties, or wear the clothing she used to wear (ie. jeans, or pants)...Now they are in the middle of a messy divorce, only after 4months...

 

 

My point here is if you "Somali Men" are gonna change once you get married, don't expect us "Somali Women" to change...If you "Somali Men" decide to change, make sure you can handle the consequences...Don't blame us "Somali Women"...

[SCORPION_SISTA]

Khayr, u have a right to disagree with me, and i am going to respect that right.

 

As to what i was talking about, is respect their right to make their decision or choices, not validate whether it's wrong or right. Same as i would hope from them. Allah gave Everyone that right, and mere mortal like myself isn't going to deny it to others.

 

So let's agree to disagree!!!

[Captivating_SouL]

Thanx alot to the wonderful ladies of somaliaonline; much appreciation on your feedbacks.

 

Brotha_Man; i'm well aware of the codes and regulations of a muslim sistah but the point which you let your decisions elobrate further is and was "do you think an individual should get into a relationship w/ the intension to change the other"? I only brought other scerno's in order for you all to get a clear vision on the difference.

 

AND PLEASE, DISTINGUISH THE DIFFERENCE, I'M NOT BRINGING THE RELGION DOWN; HOW COULD I, I'M A MUSLIM FROM THE CRADLE TO THE CRAVE SO PLEASE DONT WRITE COMMENTS WHICH WILL BE UNUSEFUL TO YOU AND ME.--------& FOR YOU THE BROTHA'S THAT THINK THIS POST WAS MADE TO HATE BROTHA....LETS JUST SAY YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ARE WRONG. THERE'S NO REASON WHY INTELLECTUAL ARTISTIC NOMADS CAN EXCHANGE VIEWS.

 

*1

XXX

[Che -Guevara]

Brown-Sugah.....Maybe you should just keep religion out of this. A girl with a tight jeans and Islam don't go together well. The two just don't mix. About somali males, i don't think farah has no right to preach anything especially if he himself does'nt practice what he preaches.

As for your question walaal, i don't think anyone gets into a relationship with the intention of changing someone.But nonetheless people know in advance they will have to make changes if the relationships moves to the marraige phase. These changes will depend on the couple's religious and cultural background. These are reasonable changes to be expected. A husband has the right to ask his wife to stop things he might be not be comfortable with and the in same manner, a wife has the right to ask her husband to change things, she might not be comfortable with.

N I think you siad you have western mentality, iam not sure what you meant by that, but if it means accepting western values specially the emphasis on individualism, we should understand an individual is part of larger community, and one will forced to give up part of his/her individualism.( Apologize if they i got wrong, maybe you could elobrate).

well, and at end of the day if Halimo thinks a farah is step on her toes one too many times, she always cross over and find the next Joe and Malik.N the same goes the farah, he believes a halimo is too wild for him, cross over and find that kristy or whatever.

Caution: It might not be greaner on the other side....lol