Mizz-HurriCane Posted October 1, 2002 SaLLaM AlyKuM What Do Women Want? Don't criticize me in front of other people even when I make mistakes or I displease you, Insha-Allah. When you belittle me to make yourself look good at my expense I feel embarrassed, but powerless to strike back. Think about how you feel when you hear others tongue-lash their partners in public. Aren't you uncomfortable, Astagh Ferrullah? Please save your negative remarks until when we're alone. I'll be better able to hear you then without defensiveness, Insha-Allah. When we see things differently, please do not devalue my perception. Recognize that one of us does not have to be right while the other is wrong. Neither do we have to struggle until we come to an agreement. When we do that I tend to give in, but I may resent you later. Join with me in trying to say cheerfully, "We just see it differently!" If I'm upset and cry or loose control of my emotions allow me those feelings, Insha-Allah. Try to get over your discomfort with them, Insha-Allah. They are mine and I will get over them if you allow me time to do so, Insha-Allah. Alhamdulillah, I suffer less when I feel free to let them run their natural course, than if I feel pressured to suppress them so you will not be displeased. Recognize that I am sensitive to the fact that your involvement in the world earns you more status and recognition than I get. Insha-Allah I will feel less envy and more pride if you were more mindful that my efforts to free you, from the domestic cares, have enabled you to devote yourself more freely to your lifes work. I like it when you acknowledge publicly that I deserve credit too! When I strive for achievements beyond our home, I need your encouragement to grow, Insha-Allah. You can reassure me by supporting my freedom, even if it means less time to spend on the things that make your life comfortable and by showing your delight even when my successes overshadow yours. I need QUALITY time with you, Insha-Allah!!! I know your job is demanding, but if you give the best of your energy and all your patience to a job there is little left for me when we're together. Please make an effort to plan time for just us, Insha-Allah. Especially when we are at home, hours when the telephone does not ring or when your not trying to wind down after a hard day, Insha-Allah. Please don't belittle me, I may stumble as I gain skills in many of the things I learn to do. Insha-Allah, I will learn faster if you let me make my mistakes without telling me how stupid I am or how much better you would have done it. Most of the things you do will be forgotten in a few years anyway, but my confidence will recover more slowly. If you can not allow me to fail you are not letting me learn to succeed. Please don't give me mixed messages about my sexuality, Insha-Allah. I am more uncertain about it than you are. Alhamdulillah, I have been raised to believe that men will not respect me if I were openly sexy. Astagh Ferrullah, I get confused when I see you attracted to seductive women, yet critical of me if I seem provacative at home when we're alone. Please trust me and be open with me about sex. Insha-Allah, your caring example will help me overcome my reluctances to do the same. Please don't pass the ball, and then find fault with me in the way I field it. Criticism coming from you, who are so important to me, washes away my self esteem and leaves me feeling I can't do anything well, that I can do NOTHING well, Astagh Ferrullah. Insha-Allah, you'll see how much more self-confident and productive I am when we both recognize my right to do my task, my way! If I am rushed and distracted, try not to interpret my actions as rejection or lack of caring. At times, there are pressures that I don't welcome either. When you put other priorities ahead of me, I try to tell myself you have a reason to do so, and that it doesn't mean you don't care for me. Two adults don't need constant reasurrance of each others committment and devotion. Be careful to say what you mean! Please don't make outrageous statements that hurt and expect me to forget them or make huge promises that you never carry out, Insha-Allah. I take seriously your order to "get off my back" when you're angry and I look for the flowers you promise to send when you're affectionate. I still tell myself that people reveal the truth when they're angry, and that unkept promises show sincerity. Even when I try to avoid it, I feel a distancing from the hurtful statemenst and a coldness seeps into the way I relate to you, Astagh Ferrullah. I love you for the sake of Allah (SWT), so please always remember and trust in Him. Please follow His commandments and do the best that you can do, to be the best Muslim that you can be and I will always love you for the sake of Allah (SWT), Insha-Allah. Fi AmaaN ALLAH Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted October 1, 2002 Man Sha Allah. I liked that, very much Keep them coming sistah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted October 1, 2002 Mansha'alaah! U tell 'em girl! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ibtisaam Posted October 2, 2002 Assalmu Alaykum, Spot on sister mashallah ....very explicitly written. Thanx I enjoyed reading it . Wa salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rahima Posted October 2, 2002 Great post! Nomad brothers, read, contemplate and comprehend. Believe me, if you apply this you will make some woman very happy and in turn inshallah be treated like a king (provided you earn it ) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Iffah Posted October 3, 2002 S/alaikum Mizz Hurricane WELCOME! That was well done. I loved it. Looking forward to reading your wonderful posts insha allah. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 4, 2002 That was beautifully written I enjoyed reading it very much. By the way welcome to the ever growing online family mizz hurricane Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mizz-HurriCane Posted October 4, 2002 NuFF LoVe ALL 10x. jazaakum allahuma kheyran jazaa.. Fi AMAAN ALLAH Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buubto Posted October 4, 2002 Asalaamu Aleikum Wr Wb Mansha Allah may Allah reward u sis. I honestly loved it waaaaaaaaaaw I am speechless. Like the sisters said, if any brother just printers out this beautiful article & tries to fellow it, their dream might come true to be treated King. & probably who knows 911 calls will be reduced & bag bucking lol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thunder Posted October 5, 2002 Originally posted by Mizz-HurriCane: SaLLaM AlyKuM (Wasalaam waraxmatulaahi wabarakaatuhu) What Do Women Want? ( No one knows even women ) Don't criticize me in front of other people even when I make mistakes or I displease you, Insha-Allah. (Constractive criticism is not all bad) When you belittle me to make yourself look good at my expense I feel embarrassed, but powerless to strike back. Think about how you feel when you hear others tongue-lash their partners in public. Aren't you uncomfortable, Astagh Ferrullah? Please save your negative remarks until when we're alone. I'll be better able to hear you then without defensiveness, Insha-Allah. (This is verbal abuse, mar baan arkay nin ay naagtiisa aroos dhexdiisa kab kula dhacaysay. "Walaaleey kabta iga daa" kaliyaa ka soo yeertay) When we see things differently, please do not devalue my perception. Recognize that one of us does not have to be right while the other is wrong. Neither do we have to struggle until we come to an agreement. When we do that I tend to give in, but I may resent you later. Join with me in trying to say cheerfully, "We just see it differently!" (It is no longer love when you agree on everything...I'm almost always right) If I'm upset and cry or loose control of my emotions allow me those feelings, Insha-Allah. Try to get over your discomfort with them, Insha-Allah. They are mine and I will get over them if you allow me time to do so, Insha-Allah. Alhamdulillah, I suffer less when I feel free to let them run their natural course, than if I feel pressured to suppress them so you will not be displeased. ( how about if I get upset and cry with you) Recognize that I am sensitive to the fact that your involvement in the world earns you more status and recognition than I get. Insha-Allah I will feel less envy and more pride if you were more mindful that my efforts to free you, from the domestic cares, have enabled you to devote yourself more freely to your lifes work. I like it when you acknowledge publicly that I deserve credit too! (How about we elevate our status in here and the hereafter) When I strive for achievements beyond our home, I need your encouragement to grow, Insha-Allah. You can reassure me by supporting my freedom, even if it means less time to spend on the things that make your life comfortable and by showing your delight even when my successes overshadow yours. ( I see you more then humanity gives credit for you...as an equal in front of Allah.." Maa qalaqtul....") I need QUALITY time with you, Insha-Allah!!! ( Can you handle the QUALITY time) I know your job is demanding, but if you give the best of your energy and all your patience to a job there is little left for me when we're together. Please make an effort to plan time for just us, Insha-Allah. Especially when we are at home, hours when the telephone does not ring or when your not trying to wind down after a hard day, Insha-Allah. ( Honey, where is the remote??) Please don't belittle me, I may stumble as I gain skills in many of the things I learn to do. Insha-Allah, I will learn faster if you let me make my mistakes without telling me how stupid I am or how much better you would have done it. Most of the things you do will be forgotten in a few years anyway, but my confidence will recover more slowly. ( Ok) If you can not allow me to fail you are not letting me learn to succeed. ( As long as you put in 100% you are far from a failure even if you don't get your desired results) Please don't give me mixed messages about my sexuality, Insha-Allah. I am more uncertain about it than you are. Alhamdulillah, I have been raised to believe that men will not respect me if I were openly sexy. Astagh Ferrullah, I get confused when I see you attracted to seductive women, yet critical of me if I seem provacative at home when we're alone. Please trust me and be open with me about sex. Insha-Allah, your caring example will help me overcome my reluctances to do the same. ( No comment) Please don't pass the ball, and then find fault with me in the way I field it. Criticism coming from you, who are so important to me, washes away my self esteem and leaves me feeling I can't do anything well, that I can do NOTHING well, Astagh Ferrullah. Insha-Allah, you'll see how much more self-confident and productive I am when we both recognize my right to do my task, my way! If I am rushed and distracted, try not to interpret my actions as rejection or lack of caring. At times, there are pressures that I don't welcome either. When you put other priorities ahead of me, I try to tell myself you have a reason to do so, and that it doesn't mean you don't care for me. Two adults don't need constant reasurrance of each others committment and devotion. Be careful to say what you mean! I love you for the sake of Allah (SWT), so please always remember and trust in Him. Please follow His commandments and do the best that you can do, to be the best Muslim that you can be and I will always love you for the sake of Allah (SWT), Insha-Allah. (Very good ) Fi AmaaN ALLAH I don't have rules that I follow when it comes to the heart. Respect, and consideration can go a looooooong way in any relationship! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StarGazer Posted October 5, 2002 That's what I'm talking about!! Thnkz sweets. Loved reading it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
