Sacrificing for your family’s well being - The male perspective.

[xiinfaniin]

That’s no wise possible good Castro. If it’s allowed by Islam how could we disallow it yaa saaxibii? Is it not that a contradiction of sort?

 

[edited]Blessed: crash-course i agree.

[Castro]

Absolutely a mistake on my part to insinuate that. What Allah made permissible no man can make into haram (and vice versa). However, it can be mandated that every marriage by a Somali sign an agreement to stick with one wife until divorce. A woman, Islam teaches us, has the right to such an agreement.

[xiinfaniin]

^^

 

Still not giving up on that. Castrow, to me it is very simple. If you live in the west you should not do it as it causes more harm than good. Of course we are allowed to entertain it as an idea but when the bush comes to shove we should stick saving our monogamous families as I am sure that puts more on our plates than we can fulfill. Even if some of us assert that they can indeed multitask and are able to ensure the emotional stability, educational and religious growth and financial viability of their families the legal difficulties are, in my estimation, insurmountable.

 

Making pledges and signing piece of legal document may be one option but it requires mature foresight in a period of time when both sides are driven by sexual spurs.

[Castro]

^ Saaxib we're not far apart you and I. Isn't it ironic, however, that the same ones that are failing (or have failed) in their first marriages, are the very ones that are prone to get a second one? This is lately of course and I'm not talking of historical reasons of marrying another wife in our culture. Reasons such as death of husband, etc.. were common at home and worked out well for the most part. These new Faarax's would rather die than marry a widow with 5 kids. What they want, and are lusting after, are fresh, never married young women. Even worse, they abandon their families to crumble so they could start anew elsewhere and create the same mess years down the road. That's what I have a problem with and that's what eNuri must continue to address. And for each pro-Polygamy post, Nur must have several that address existing and pervasive ills in the community.

 

Saaxib I know you're reasonable enough to accept this.

 

Edit: Saaxib how can I convince you that polygamy is not the holy grail solution to our societal ills? I wonder.

[Valenteenah.]

If this thread is nothing more than a tokenistic gesture on Nur's part, it will become apparent soon enough.

 

In the meantime, I think it a credible effort.

[Castro]

^ It is a credible, and I believe, earnest effort. Remember, I see Nur having no ulterior motives in this, unlike Xiin. So judging on motives, Nur also has the desire to rid our society of other ills that plague it. To be reminded of the other ills is our duty. After all, eNuri is a one-man dacwah machine and he couldn't possibly cover all there is to cover.

[Valenteenah.]

^ You have established that already. Over and over again. Are you on the payroll now?

[Castro]

^ Just tryin to catch up to your post count, dear.

[Valenteenah.]

^

 

In good time, love.

[Castro]

^ That was my ulterior motive, not eNuri.

 

Seriously though, Xiin needs to step up his game and not dwell on the polygamy "benefits". As a married and responsible man, he ought to know, and therefore preach, the benefits of monogamy specially in the backdrop of our society that is breaking down on many levels.

[xiinfaniin]

^^^In reality though, you can’t just concede your God-given right so readily saaxiib. I may not be brave enough to do it but I still see how it benefits society (and me ofcourse ) if done right. That’s why I wonder if the real Castro is same as his cyber character that vehemently rejects any thing that’s remotely polygamy. Would he forgo, I wonder out loud, men’s deepest wish; sharing multiple xalaal wives . He says he would. Easier said than done, i say .

[Castro]

Originally posted by xiinfaniin:

Would he forgo, I wonder out loud, men’s deepest wish; sharing multiple xalaal wives

. He says he would. Easier said than done, i say

I've a feeling you're being the proverbial devil's advocate here. Though devil is such a bad word in this context. Nonetheless, the wisdom of polygamy is for us to behold. I get the impression, however, you have something on your mind that you just can't let out (or let go of ). Could it be, good Xiin, you're suggesting men are incapable of being monogamous and consequently the whole system is designed in such a way that men should not have to resort to sin just to satisfy what is essentially a natural (I use the word loosely here ) existence? Certainly many biologists would agree with you.

[xiinfaniin]

Of course it is part of it. And it is the beauty of our religion that it does not deny our natural tendencies. But it is also unmerited to reduce the whole system to a mere sexual satisfaction. When you go back to the practice of the prophet and take a close look at his polygamous relationships they all had higher motives. Some were political; establishing trust with certain communities. Others were compassionate act to provide welfare. And some were done to break certain societal norms. All in all his was an excellence in meeting the end goals of his message. Though he remains the example and the model we should strive to imitate, truth remains that we always come short. When one enters polygamous relationship it’s understandable that he is not only doing it to address social ills but he is also in it to fulfill his own interests, namely to meet his sexual needs. That’s good and well but it gets indefensible when one overlooks the responsibilities and other duties that come with these relationships. Marrying just because it is permissible lacks the heavenly wisdom that the lawgiver intended to have, I think. That’s why I am very careful to support the system but not necessarily those whom the system serves for they sometimes misuse it and abuse it. But it’s also an extreme of sort to oppose this system simply because some men abused it. We need moderation saaxiib.

 

But to come back your question (which I partly answered), I don’t think polygamy is established solely to satisfy men’s burning desire for another ‘flesh’. To control your desires and wants is part of our faith. If it were the case that you could just enter this relationship without looking beyond your sexual urge it would have destroyed the marriage institution, I believe. If not how could we reconcile that with the great emphasis this religion puts on family and the responsibility that comes with it. Islam, I hold, is about perfecting families and seeing to it that you are accountable for what the ones you brought to this world.

 

In the final analysis, Castrow, it is the benefit of this Ummah that this option exists and thusly this system survives, I say. For may be the case when the day arrives for you to return to that beloved Borame you might find it very useful indeed .

[Castro]

Originally posted by xiinfaniin:

But it’s also an extreme of sort to oppose this system simply because

some

men abused it. We need moderation saaxiib.

I'd say lately most, if not all, have abused it. It is surprising, however, how much we agree on this issue and I can only reach one conclusion in the form of a question: why do you habitually acerbate the sisters when speaking of this?

[Rahima]

^For kicks Castro, that's why i've stopped entertaining Xiin.

 

Took me a while, but i caught on eventually.