Sacrificing for your family’s well being - The male perspective.

[Castro]

^ Sure. And I'm not averse to that. It's a little more nuanced though and it's certainly a fine line. Nur seems to be still learning the tight rope techniques and that's good.

[xiinfaniin]

^^Life is, or rather should be, about to learn and improve. I am not a taste maker but the reason this piece sits well with our women folk is because eNuri has shown ability to express delicate shadings [read: pragmatism] without abandoning its original principles. I think. And thats good, I agree.

[codetalker]

My apologies to brother Nur for jumping the gun. Abdulnoor, mahadsanid for the correction. After I actually read the entire piece, I'm of a different opinion.

[- Femme -]

As one can see eNuri has

caved in

to the "popular demand" and rightly so I might add.

That's the part that doesn't sit well with me. I love the topic -- excellent. But I'm not too sure I like the idea that he's forced to write it because he wants to satisfy/appease a couple of people. Somehow doesn't ring true in my ears.

 

I'd rather it be something sincere no matter how much I disagree with it. My kumi iyo taano.

 

Anywho, two thumbs up. Hope it's balanced as it is now in the future.

[-Lily-]

Scarlet, Nur isn't pleasing anybody, he is still firm in his pro-polygamy stance if you read carefully, only now he has decided to shade light to another side of the circle, although not completly.

 

Nur, I still think there are two types of sacrefice. To the average person sacrifice for the family means sticking to your family & working out your problems, regardless of how hard things seem. However, I have noticed that from the religious brothers who are pro-polygamy, the sacrefice for them is 'saving' some poor Xalimo from being without a man, heaven forbid. As in widows, or spinsters or just the avarge Xalimo who isn't bothered to find her own hubby. So for them, sacrefice is centered on helping these above mentioned Xalimos, they are in it for the extra good deeds they will get out of it, and usually have some sort of slef-sacrefice image of themsleves. It's just which of these two types of sacrefice is of greater importance to the individual/family.

 

The situations you mention still need time to be pondered over. I think it's dangerous for any woman as well as husband to be so far away from their families as it will lead both to temptation. It's not always the right answer, maybe family should be put before money more often or perhaps these families should have more iman and have each other instead of a paycheck each month. I also find that some women actually prefer to have a distance between them and the husbands rather than deal with their problems, only to create worse ones.

[Blessed]

The article doesn’t dismiss polygamy, ya’ll need to read in between the lines.

 

We weren’t asking him to do that either, we wanted objectivity and Nur has adopted a more balanced, responsible approach and as with all e-Nuri materials it's also very well written. May Allah reward you.

 

WaterLily

 

I also find that some women actually prefer to have a distance between them and the husbands rather than deal with their problems, only to create worse ones.

Do you think such women and those who refuse to move abroad with their husbands have a right or are justified to object to a second wife?

 

 

p.s A big thank you to Dr. Amelia for spearheading this campaign.

[makalajabti]

What's worrying is the number of people applauding ! :confused:

[- Femme -]

Scarlet, Nur isn't pleasing anybody, he is still firm in his pro-polygamy stance if you read carefully, only now he has decided to shade light to another side of the circle, although not completly.

I know; that's why the lack of sincerity I feel it has takes away from the message.

[-Lily-]

Blessed, I don't know if such women have the right to object, it does seem rather harsh though, move or else. Having said that, what is the point of marriage if you would live apart? The whole point is to be together. Maybe they don't deserve it but they should share in the blame that broke up their marriage. We all know (some)men are fickel humans.

[Blessed]

^There are a lot of distance marriages in our community. The husband would be in the US and the wife in the UK. The wife refuses to move because of Family or whatever, he has a stable job that he doesn't want to leave.

 

He asks her to move but she refuses point blank citing that she doesn't want to be in a place where she doesn't know anyone or whatever. Two, three years down the line, he re-marries. Whose fault is it? As well as being fickle, Farah has needs too

 

I've had a neighbor, who got divorced over this. Only her husband didn't re-marry, she had suspicions that he had a bimbo on the side - that's much worse.

[Castro]

^ The achilles heel of Somali marriages is long distance. I can tell you from personal experience, it absolutely does NOT work. No matter what the cost, what we have to give up in terms of money, family or what have you, if you can't be together under one roof with your kids, you may as well call it quits. Pure and simple. Any (one-time) seperation of more than 3-6 months is unacceptable. Anyone who disagrees is deluding themself.

[- Femme -]

^Wasn't there a hadith that said you can't be away from your family for more than 4 months? Maybe I should've paid more attention in Islamic Studies class.

[Blessed]

Castro

True, Adeer. It’s what leads to a whole deal of problems (apart from polygamy) and even though Islam discourages it, it’s an accepted practice in our community. I don’t get it.

 

Another fad with the dhaqan celis boys is that they marry a girl back home (considered second class for some reason) during their rehab break. Come back to the UK and carry on living as a singleton.

 

Scarlet,

It was a ruling establish by Umar (ra) during his khilafat, even mujahids went back home after four months.

 

(Edited)

[Castro]

^ If you were part of eNuri, its stock price would quadruple.

 

It's these problems of long distance, quick marriages, lack of patience in a marriage that we need to worry about as a community. Polygamy is allowed in Islam but it should be prohibited to Somalis. How you gonna drive a car if you can't ride a bloody bike, Faarax?

[Blessed]

^lol! My first topic would be 'How not to share your husband'. I doubt the editor would accept it

 

I'm just saying that some Xaliimos don't help themselves or fikle Mr. Farah. Somalis should only be allowed to get married after passing a crash-course on marriage.