Richard Burton on somali women

[Saqajaan]

Nephthys and Rahima

 

Let's get past the quote, it was more for my amusement than anything else. A mothers purpose in life is to raise her children and take care of the home, if her home is dirty and not taken care she will be blamed.

 

By that same token, if her children turn out to be failure she will get majority of the blame because it's her duty to raise them right.

 

A father's purpose is to provide, if he does not do this, he also get some of the blame. But it's the mother that has the greatest amount of influence on her children, she alone can counteract the influences of MTV, jareer music and other bad influences.

 

Very simple.

[Rahima]

^ So let me get this straight:

 

The sole responsibility of raising children is that of the mother and all the father does is bring home the dough?

 

Dude your idea of roles within a family is warped!

 

Both parents were there for the conception of a child, therefore they share the responsibility equally.

 

As for the quote, the fact that you chose it and admit to finding it amusing says a lot.

[LayZie G.]

^as women, we do have tendency to blame men just as saqayaan and his likes blame us for our children's failures.

 

I'm not a mother but I blamed fathers and men in general for not taking interest in their children's lives.

 

 

I found that the single most reason boys, more than girls get in trouble is because they are out there seeking that connection they lack at home, especially one only a father can provide to his son.

 

Hooyooyin are great, they are my hero's, but at the same time they can't provide everything a little boy needs.

 

Maybe some can, but not all mothers. Therefore, its vital that the child gets support and love from both parents. This way if one is less, he can seek the comfort of the other parent.

 

I will be the first person to admit and say that I blamed absentee father for how the son turned out.(seeking refuge and sense of belonging from outside, gangs or friends from wrong side which leads to trouble)

 

I didn't for once thing about the mother's role, all I saw was an absent father and a mother who is present but not in the way the child needs and wants her to be present in his life. In other words, she might as well be absent because she is not giving the child what he wants from his mother since his father isn't around.

 

Saqayaan is not saying anything new or shocking here. All I read so far is a nin giving us (women) and mothers a doze of what we long accused men as fathers.(this has to be a two way street, we can't do all the finger pointing and except men to just sit there and not fight back ladies)

 

On the other hand, I don't agree with saqayaan's point about father's being the providers.

 

We are living in the 21st century, therefore mothers are providers as much as fathers. Nowadays, both men and women are equal in every sense of the word. Don't you dare forget that, and don't make me repeat myself ya saqaan.

 

...continue.

[Legend of Zu]

You can never debate with someone without understanding what motives them and brought them to the point they hold dear. Now Saqajaan, forget the other world, forget the generalisation: tell us from your own experience what was the role of your father in the house and how much of a role did he play in your upbringing?

 

Cheers

[LayZie G.]

^the same can be asked of u. Don't ask something of a person that you can't deliver yourself.

[Legend of Zu]

I am not the one who is generalising...besides people judge on others based on the surroundings and the envirnoment they grew up with.

 

Assume saqajaan's father was never arround and his mom did all her best to look after him and make sure he turns out to be a good man, saying that he will beleive that Mothers are the one responsible and the father is not that (much) needed except providing...

see where I am going with this Layzie?

People draw on their own experiences and they susceptible to believe everything that proves or supports their initial belief.

 

Cheers

[Rahima]

Layzie,

I don’t believe that anyone will argue that the sole reason for our community having so many lost boys is absentee fathers, but I’m sure many will acknowledge that it is one of the main reasons. Lack of trying from mothers, does not rate high on the list.

 

We need to be honest with ourselves and not make this a male/female thing here, as saqajaan seems to be. All you need to do is take an inventory of everything a parent is required to do for their child and observe which parent it is done by. At a young age mothers are up all night nursing their children, teaching them life skills. Mothers are the ones following up on their child’s education, at every parent-teacher interview. Mothers are taking their child to the health centre when he/she is ill. Mothers are taking their child to dugsi to teach them the Qur’an. Mothers shop for the family, pay the bills, cook, clean etc. Mothers are unfortunately roaming the streets of their neighbourhoods at night looking for their teenage sons when they come home late. Mothers are at the courts when their sons get into trouble with the law. And mothers are the ones that lose sleep because of worry and stress. What more can she do? She needs a partner in all this, and often times they are gone. Raising teenagers is hard enough, raising teenage boys even more so, not because they are genetically more predisposed to be difficult but because of the greater trials they face in society.

 

My own mother Layzie is an interpreter for the Somali community, and has been doing it for the past 15 or so years. She will tell you it is almost always the case that a mother is looking after the welfare of her children, ALONE. She is at the parent-teacher interview alone (even though most don’t understand English), she is at the dugsi alone, at the health care centre alone, worrying alone...

 

They are not perfect, but none of us are. One thing i do believe, as a whole, Somali mothers are what this community is standing on, about to crumble yes, but still standing. It’s about bloody time, these good for nothing fathers stood up to their responsibility.

[LayZie G.]

^not necessarily true Zu.

 

Growing up, I had both parents. Mommy and daddy were supportive and loving.(they still are)

 

However, I am very critical of fathers more so than mothers.(got nothing to do with my relationship with daddy)

 

I was and am still critical of fathers because I have seen it first hand what an absentee father does to the family. This epidemic of fathers working in a different state/province/country, while mommy is taking welfare in other state/country and raising cabdi, liban and anisa is how children are lost.

 

There is no family structure and as a result the child gets off the wagon. Its really difficult for a child to survive in this time and age but suviving without both parentst is very serious and difficult. The key is both parents need to share the responsibility and blame that comes with being a parent.

 

Overtime, we have all made generalizations and I feel its his time (saqayaan) and he should be allowed to express himself.

 

Nothing wrong with putting a blame, as long as later you realize that there is more to it than meets the eye. Be passionate, point fingers but learn from it is my motto now.

 

In my findings, I found many mothers are physically present in the child's life but are just not there for the children emotionally.

 

In conclusion, both are seriously to blame, mother and father.

 

Just as I learned to look at all parties and judge them fairly, saqajaan will too learn that one day.

 

Lastly, I don't agree with you bringing his experience with daddy etc into discussion.

 

Saqajaan is not underoath, he shouldn't have to answer nor are you people allowed to get personal with him.

 

He brought up an argument, general or not, and you need to either argue against it or leave the man and his thread be.(that goes out for all and not just u ya Zu)

[LayZie G.]

Rahima, sister we all do respect, but everything you just said above is the doing of the mothers.

 

 

You said it yourself:

 

At a young age mothers are up all night nursing their children, teaching them life skills. Mothers are the ones following up on their child’s education, at every parent-teacher interview.

 

Mothers are taking their child to the health centre when he/she is ill. Mothers are taking their child to dugsi to teach them the Qur’an.

Mothers shop for the family, pay the bills, cook, clean etc. Mothers are unfortunately roaming the streets of their neighbourhoods at night looking for their teenage sons when they come home late.

Listen to yourself for a moment, you just said mothers do it all.

 

Mothers didnt have the children alone, therefore they shouldn't feel that they have to do it all. There is a father thats part of the family, include him in. Why not make him take responsibility, why should you let him off the hook?

 

Women did this to themselves. Women give a free pass to these men and later on when things get tough, they start pointing fingers.

 

As far as your mother and my mother are concerned, they are great mothers and god bless all mothers.

 

Its time somali women learned to make their men take responsibility, instead of living apart for months and years while she carries the burden.

 

The truth is mothers will continue to do what you described above unless they put a stop to it and make their hubby share the responsibility and make their hubby learn to be a parent for a change.

[rudy-Diiriye]

yeah layzie! i hear yah..but i am seeing you kinda of man...! for sure hes flawless...! lol

 

whos gonna wear the thong! u or him! looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool.

[Som@li]

Mothers have a BIG responsible for raising a kids to take the right path, and protect them from becoming human garbage. If the mother fails,the chances are small for the kids to be successful, Muslim iyo gaaloba.

 

Saqajaan seeftii baa qaadatey.

[Rahima]

Mothers have a BIG responsible for raising a kids to take the right path, and protect them from becoming human garbage. If the mother fails,the chances are small for the kids to be successful, Muslim iyo gaaloba.

So fathers have a menial or subservient role? And if they fail, it's still ok?

 

This is why we will never change.

 

You will be a father someday I'A Dabshid, if you raise your children with that thinking, how then do you expect your sons to grow up with the right frame of mind or right take on their responsibility?

 

Perhaps this is why we have so many dead beat fathers in our community. As children they were taught that it is hooyos responsibility to raise you and it was ok for aabbe to leave for months on end to the other side of the country.

[Som@li]

^I did NOT say father have small role,please, dont twist my words, I was highlighting the significant role mothers play, Soomaalidu waxa ay ku maahmaahdaa, "Gabadha hooyadeed hadhuudhka tuntaa, iyana haadiskay barataa", I hope you got my drift.

 

 

Edit, BTw all the failed families, fathers are the only to blame,there many factors,and can i ask you, why the fathers are chased away from home? Rabi ha inoo wada sahlo.

[Rahima]

^ No one said that mothers don't have a significant role, but that isn't the point.

 

The point is, are they doing the best they can? And if they are, why do we have so many derelict children? Is it because of fathers not playing their significant role?

 

why the fathers are chased away from home? Rabi ha inoo wada sahlo.

You can’t be serious? If this is the case, i can bet on my life that most of the time, it’s because they’re losers and nothing but a burden. They add to the problems of the family instead of helping. Most men that i know who got kicked out of home deserved to be!!

 

Sure, we have some crack head Somali women, but most are hard working mothers who’ve had enough. Somehow i blame them also because i fail to understand why they continue to have children with these losers.

[-Lily-]

I agree with most of the stuff Rahima said. Sure there are bad mothers but the vast majority are trying to hold it all together.

 

Lazie, in regards to being an emotional absent parent, may that just be a cultural thing? Weren’t a lot of parents raised to not show too much affection to their children? Especially boys? Besides, a mother can do a lot for her son but to teach him to be a man is not one of them.

 

Furthermore, things like talking to your children is something that has to be established from a young age, not suddenly when your child hits 15, agian, from my observations it seemed the norm to ignore kids. Things are changing but it won't happen overnight.

 

Dabshid, even if you are chased away from home, you still have to take part in the up bringing of your kids, being informed about their education, their whereabouts etc. Allahu Akbar, just because you are divorced does not mean you cannot be a part of your child’s life. That is a weak excuse.