Venting room....

[Xalimopatra]

Going to McD's and asking for salad and the Eastern european cashier 'Olga' tells you....

 

Olga-"Ve have murfins,dow-nuts and abbal bie "

 

 

*I think lemme ask again..mayB she didnt hear me*

 

Me-"Is there any green SALAD left?"

 

Olga-"Madame ve have murfins,dow-nuts,abbal bie ...Ve also have ice caream"

 

Me-"Listen dear I want to lose this *point to my belly* does it look like I feakin' need ice cream or doughnuts?"

 

Olga-"Im sorry madame im not understanding you"

 

 

Baaaaaaaaaaaaah :mad:

What gets your goat SOL'ers?

[Nephissa]

So its 7:00 am and I'm the only one in my house. The phone rings and I answer it [i thought it was the logical thing to do] the conversation just went something like this:

 

Me: Hello?

*Silence*

Me: Um, Hello?

Caller: I'm so horney..so..horney.

*Me, silent, shocked*

Caller: So, soo horney. [in what sounds like an attempt at a sexy voice]

Me: WHAT?!

Caller: Soo...soo......

 

And then I hung up.

Like, seriously? What the h*ll? Who randomly calls a house like that, at 7 am on a Saturday?

 

Perverts! :mad:

[sheherazade]

LOL an all-night chewer? May be not so random and probably what u don't want to hear.

[Socod_badne]

A number of things. But being here at SOL, only one thing leaps to mind: Shehrezade's incessant threats to obliterate and render me senseless that never materialize.

 

I log on to SOL to get the whipping of a lifetime only to run into more mealy-mouthed promises.

 

That's a bummer!

[sheherazade]

I never promised to render u senseless, kid. Why do what's already done and done so well by you yourself? Gotta conserve my energy for more worthy causes.

 

Now that I know u want it that bad, I shall be withholding the battle u desire so fiercely.

 

Ain't life a bij?

 

Now take a deep breath. And hold. And hold. And hold. And hold. And hold. And hold.

 

Hold some more. Just a little more. A tad longer. In yar oo kale. Xooga yar ku sii dar. Hold. Hold. Hold. Peace will come. To all of us.

 

Sweet dreams.

[Baluug]

Actually, it's scientifically impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath, so you might as well just wring his neck and get it over with quickly :eek: :eek:

[Khayr]

Originally posted by liibaan:

Actually, it's scientifically impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath, so you might as well just wring his neck and get it over with quickly

:eek: :eek:

[Xalimopatra]

Lol Bishaaro did he (assuming it was a dude) have a Somali accent coupled with the English or was it just your typical Mr America?

[Baluug]

It was probably kinda hard to tell from just a couple words like "So horny".... Unless it was kind of obvious and he was talking like "soo xoornii"...

[Pucca]

What gets your goat SOL'ers?

Pucca: i'd like to renew this cd...please.

Librarian: sorry you cant,

Pucca: excuse me? i cant? why?

librarian: cant you read? it says these cds cant be renewed; but if you want it you can get another copy.

pucca: ofcourse i can read, *looks at cd cover..looks some more* where exactly does it say "cant renew"?

librarian: *looks at cover* well it should have been there...*

pucca: i'm sure it should, now can please renew the cd; i got a class to get to.

librarian: no; drop it in the drop box and then come back for another cd.

pucca : *counts to ten...breath breath...she's probably PMSing or is ticked off ...or something..breath...dont snap, dont snap* i think i'll come back for the cd after class.

*walks away..*

 

:mad: goodness god its extremely annoying having to deal with this woman! d

[LayZie G.]

^^^, You should have just smacked her in the face, that would have done the trick. YOu are too polite and civil if you just walked away from it.

[J.Lee]

Last Saturday:

 

I was coerced into becoming a bridesmaid for a relative of mine. Always fun

 

My car was in the shop so Horn drops me off @ the Salon.

 

The salon appointment was at 11 am

 

When I got there; the wedding party including the bride wasn’t there. :mad:

 

No big deal right? Right, but this is the woman who urged us to be there no later than 11, quite vehemently mind you: She called me and threatened me.

 

I become bothered, hot coals being shoved down my silk shirt bothered: How dare she tell me to be there on time when she wasn't: *How dictatorial, Overweight bovine*.

 

I sit down pissed as hell is hot: The Hairdresser compliments my Afro; "Oh My god, you look like you stepped out of the 70’s Vogue pages and right in to the 21st century."

 

My reaction: *Smile* Thank You! *Is she calling me outdated :confused: *

 

While I wonder if her statement was an insult cloaked in a compliment’s cloth: Another bridesmaid arrives- whom I went to High school with-we chat, smile, compliment, pick and prod our body parts while completely loathing each other: each wanting to molest the other’s confidence, you see.

 

Then after an hour Bridezilla accompanied by one of my cousin arrives: The bride upon seeing my ‘fro: says, "Naa maxaa timaha iskaga xooshay?" (Ha Ha Ha? Was that supposed to be funny?)

 

I reply: "Maseer iyo Murugo"; She raises her eyebrow: My cousin laughs somewhat strained.

 

Then: I scowl as she-the bride- suggests to the Hairdresser to use extensions (*Human hair other than my own, I don't think so woman*) on my hair.

 

Before I could protest my cousin shoots an evil look ( :mad: ) in my direction. I roll my eyes and hope that the devil takes them both.

 

Then an assistant Flat Irons my hair and the friggin’ woman burns my ear and doesn't apologize. *The jig' is that about?*

 

I’m seething with rage by now. I’m beyond seeing red: orange alert baan marayaa!

 

By the time she is done; it is 2 O’clock. My high school chum and I decide to go out and get lunch.

 

On our way out, the other two bridesmaids arrive; I make it clear to them that I’m getting’ my hair ‘did after the bride.

 

Okay! Agreed upon!

 

We eat and when we came back, the bride and my cousin have already left and one of the other two bridesmaids is sitting in the hairdressers chair: She is getting her hair done! *Oh Hell the Kcuf No! * :mad:

 

She says while smiling: "Sorry abaayo, I have to pick up my baby" *So?* "I'm in a hurry" *And?*

 

I laugh: "Waan kuu kartay! Micna malaho maandhay,haka wal walin!Sh!t happens *Malicious wench*

 

So I sit down and start leafing through the pages of Vogue; Bored out of my mind. I decide to go to the bookstore across the street and after I come back to the salon, a customer stops me midstride; exclaims: "You are so tall. *Am not* OMG girl you should model" *Am I some circus freak to you people. No, I don't play basketball: As far as I'm concerned a pointguard guards points: And No, I don't wish to model*

 

My reply laughing coquettishly : "I honestly don’t know"

 

A friend of the bride: "Ya allah, she is tall: This girl can’t wear heels –*turning to me*- do you have flat shoes? *I wish I did to slap you better with*

 

Everybody by now is looking at me: *Thank you, Witch!*. I reply: "Maya, eedo" emphasis on Eedo

 

The hairdresser: "Honey, I’m ready for you now" so I go over to her chair; My hair and eyebrows were plucked, glued, pulled,and molested: beyond recognition.

 

At 11 am I came in looking like a Somali: At 6pm I left the salon looking like a Blackanise doll.

 

Moral of the story: Beauty and pain are two sides of a coin when the salon is your dominatrix!

 

 

Friday: Object of my loathing:

 

Despotic and her nephew. (Savages!)

 

Yesterday: Object of my disgust:

 

Hopkins, how dare he lose?( :mad: )

[Strawberry_Xu]

Me scouting for an actress for a film, this is basically the gist of one e-mail exchange:

 

Me: Ehh nice pictures, but have you acted before?

Girl: No but I do nudity

Me: It's not that kind of film.

Girl: Here have a picture of my breasts

Me: No thanks

Girl: TAKE IT!!

Me: eehh, nice picture, but we need an ACTRESS

Girl: I once pretended to really like a car during car show, where I worked as a model, topless, here have some more pictures of my breasts

Me: ohh, okay, well I'll get back to you

Girl: Do I have the part?

Me: ehh, don't call us, we'll call you

 

Lesson no.1 to all airheaded bimbos out there: Breast implants does NOT equal acting talent! Now go play with your dolls.... :mad:

[Castro]

^ Can I get her email address? The actress, I mean.

[Baluug]

LOOOOOL Good thing your movie has a female producer(you). If that was a guy, he'd be like "Here, you can have the leading role".