Girlfriend V Boyfriend. Victim or Plaintiff. Ur Call.

[Nazra]

"Watch out for your best friends my aunt says, they always try to seduce your man"

I rolled my eyes :rolleyes: , and told her... This information could have been useful when I first started to date.

 

We know that friendship between females is the most passionate of love affairs. We share our most intimate secrets and find a common bond in our loathing of our thighs. Our phone will always be available to take the other’s crisis and celebration. Women love each other madly and deeply. But one think is for sure competition between women is swept under the carpet. We compete with each other and die for each other’s beauty/style/money/car/education.

 

But what happens when your best friend crosses the line. When she flirts with your boyfriend and starts calling him for no apparent reason.

 

Let me outline two cases out five that I once was the victim, and the rest the poor plaintiff trying to defend herself and save her friendship.

 

Victim

My first experience was with the bytch ex-best friend. I loved her so much that I wanted her to meet my man the man I talked of 24/7. I knew she also wanted to meet him and told me that he’s good looking and all.

When introduced, she was talking about him 24/7 and insisted that she knew every lil detail about our relationship.

 

What has not occurred to me is that she was experiencing light symptoms of crush towards him. First signs: she wanted 24/7 info about our relationship, when introduced she made a call to him (he told me), she always insisted that she will call him and sort our troubles out, when we got into an argument (of course I’ll say...no that’s not necessary).

Never in my mind, would it occur to me that she wanted him. The trust, and love I had for her would never made me question her motivates. No matter how much she called him.

 

Anyways as the relationship progressed she continued to call him. He didn’t tell me that much.

Worst came to worse: they decided to meet each other. Someone kissed someone. How do I know?

A year later he tells me "nazra, I want to be honest with you before I ask you this, and before we start to discuss our future". As you figure he starts to tell me about the affair. He explains why he chose to tell me this now by saying you see: "nazra, ppl want to break others happiness when they try to tie the knot… all sorts of things come out. And I wanted you to hear this from me, and not her" I remember hanging up the phone and being in tears. But later on I was able to put…two to two together. I did remember her trying to break us up, I remember him calling her a "whor*, sl*t" and that she’s never invited to our house blah blah and I do remember her saying that I should leave him. It seems something went wrong between them.

 

I was experiencing trust issues, that time... and I blamed her :mad: and not him. She was no longer a best friend. But never confronted her. I really don’t recall what he said: other than her calling him, her asking him to come over, and her kissing him. A lot of her’s of course :rolleyes: . I guess he missed the fact that he used his two legs, and arms to go and see her. When I pointed that out, of course he blamed it on the: shaytaan. And made a sincere apology. What a Bast*rd. It really hurts til this day so excuse my French.

 

As time went by, the blame has shifted from her to him. But really it was both, mainly her. Sometimes I wonder why I got back with him. Well I loved him too much and we did have a period of separation (i missed him) and 24/7 calls of apology and promises did the trick too. They say pay back is a bytch. What do u know, his half brotha starts to hit on me. At first I told him, how he’s brotha is nice and all. But i thought that he’s brotha was just being a typical guy. Anywayz at two occasions I went out with his brotha accidentally. What do I do: I save his voice mail messages, text messages and told him how he’s brotha is hitting on me :cool: . and I added a lil white lie and told him how he’s brotha came over to my house when I refused to go on a date . The next minute he hangs up on me...

That felt good it did aid my grieving process.

Of course none of it was my fault... and i remember saying "sista’s like the same guys, so do brothas."

That was the lifeline of that relationship.

 

Plaintiff

My best friend told me who she was dating. When she told me, I almost died of jealousy. I had to clarify exactly whom she meant. It turned out to be my future hubby. Damn i was waiting for him!

I loved her to death and I had to know everything.(I developed two huge big green eyes).

 

One day I was surprised to receive a call from him. For no apparent reason.

The thing is that me and him know each others family but we never had the opportunity to talk other than hi and bye. I was so shocked/happy and I felt uncomfortable talking to him cause I liked him. As the days went on, my jealousy was no longer present as I had his interest.

Things were kool, until he started to flirt with me. I said to myself this is not an ethical issue, clearly this is wrong and I would never do that to my baby gurl. I love her, I will always no matter what, and I couldn’t imagine being married to that guy and dizzying her(if things worked out :cool: ). She’s like my sista.

The flirting got to the point that I had to change my number. Clearly this was not my fault and I could have easily gone the other way. But that’s not my type personality and also she was precious best friend for life. Of course I can’t tell her that her man is flirting with me, end of the day I would be the fool who is making stuff up and lose her.

The other cases are worse... to the point your best friends see you as the enemy whose desperate and jealous, of course thats when they find out.

 

But seriously? am the one who has bytch best friends or stup!d best friends boyfriends hitting on me???. What are your secrets to dealing with these or similar situations? Have you ever confronted ur best friend when you knew something was up?

 

You have two best friends, the one that clearly wants your man... And the one that doesn’t.

 

Ladies; don’t introduce your best friend to your man. And gentlemen’s lay off ur girl’s best friend.

 

What made me highlight this topic was the fact that I was a bridesmaid not long ago. Let’s just say she’s a close friend of mine. She has been planning her wedding and all and we haven’t had a lot of time together, so she asked me who I been saying, I told about the this new dude. Anywayz our conversation was cut short and we had no chance talking about him. What scared the hell out of me was on her wedding day, she asked me... "tell me about him, I wanna meet him"

"wow" :eek: on her wedding day, she’s already a married woman and I thought guys discussion stop there let alone want to met him. I did not know how to respond. Is this a cycle or what???

[Saalixa]

Nazra,

SIster i don't know what to think. I am shocked and dazzled because this has never happened to me and wish it never does. What is worse though is when it is in a marriage relationship. Now that i have experienced. Not me though...a friend of me sisters'. I was so sad but then i thought it really depends on the man. I thing you shouldn't blame your best frined but rather your BF since he was the one that agreed and was ful on leading on your best freind. And kaaley ma doqon baad tahay haadii taas oo kale dici laheyd waan eryi laha YOUR BF. sometimes you should have firm grounds and just taking it all as a joke and being laid back just shows maybe you are not taking the relationship seriously???Maybe you just treat it like a ku meel gaadh type of journey until the real prince comes along?

And the freind whom you were bridesmaid to did she have an arranged wedding? maybe that is the case because if she really was in love it would be awkward that she'd still be looking around elsewhere. How sad doesn't she know what she has got herself into?How old is she?

[-Serenity-]

What do I do: I save his voice mail messages, text messages and told him how he’s brotha is hitting on me . and I added a lil white lie and told him how he’s brotha came over to my house when I refused to go on a date . The next minute he hangs up on me...

LOL. That was conniving

[Castro]

Dating, hugging, kissing and all that is behavior unbecoming of a muslim. Having said that, your ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend deserve each other, like the betraying, two-bit cheaters that they are.

[LayZie G.]

Nazra, you have a bunch of hungry girlfriends. You ought to be setting them up. Did you stay friends with any of these girls, or you forgave them?

[Taqwa]

Dating, hugging, kissing and all that is behavior unbecoming of a muslim.

Lool Fidel I'm beginning to enjoy your sarcasm.

[shyhem]

Dating is an open and fair game.All the players involved have the right to be loved and there is nothing like conflict of interest.

 

If you can't keep your man,then its reasonable for your friend to keep him for you until you learn afew things about the game.

[J.Lee]

^ . Apparently, her friend doesn't know the game well either, if he cheated on his previous GF he will most Def. cheat on her also.

 

Nazra

 

1st. Everybody is a potential cheater. Watch your man. Stalk him at times if possible.

 

2nd. Never let your girlfriends meet your man. That is until your wedding day. (Insha'allah, if you can hold off until you're pregnant, kudos to you.)

 

3rd. You're always the victim. Act like it.

[Castro]

Originally posted by Taqwa:

Lool Fidel I'm beginning to enjoy your sarcasm.

Tawqa, laughter is the best medicine for all kinds of ills. If only we could laugh at ourselves. It would make being laughed at so much easier.

 

Stay tuned.

[Nazra]

"How sad doesn't she know what she has got herself into? How old is she?"

Lolz, the woman is a man hunter. My sister always says: "that girl goes for anything with a D!ck". Walahi she does. Abaayo she’s 19 but has dated almost every guy (internationally and nationally) and her family is well aware of her problems (she can’t stand being single, she has even dated the ugliest guy so she can be with someone, and other cultures too).

She’s bit insecure and has generalised anxiety disorder (serious panic attacks she always on about). She feels like a failure if she doesn’t get hitched. She was not arranged. Funny thing was on The week of her wedding she had to ask my other friend that she was worried about yasmin, who she thinks is after her man. Let’s not forget she is already engaged and all.

To me she is the biggest puzzle :confused: .

 

Lazygurl, forgiven? She showed me her true colours. She’ll do it again. I later realised how envious she was.

It was hard, first I had to change my number and when she called the home number I begged my family to say that I am away, so I can avoid her. The only time I talked to her was my mum answers the phone. She sensed something and asked me what’s up with me. I had to stay calm, cool and collective and say: "life… so much to do". Til this day, nothing has changed... I ignore her, she just runs to me like a dog.

I had a plan to get back at her, but given every opportunity it wasn’t worth it.

 

"If you can't keep your man,then its reasonable for your friend to keep him for you until you learn afew things about the game. Lolz, :mad: what am i supppose to cheat, lie, manipulate, I don’t how much of this I can do or take.

 

"Never let your girlfriends meet your man. That is until your wedding day. (Insha'allah, if you can hold off until you're pregnant, kudos to you.)" lolz, play it safe, that’s the only thing you can do.

 

Having said that wordette you wonder, who you can you really trust to have conversation about your BF??? We are humans, and personally I can’t keep it to myself. I can’t tell it to mum or sisters, it’s bit weird.

 

Now I share my r/ship stories with ayeeyo :cool: . Someone I can now TRUST 110%. She’s is soooooooo funny. I love her. She is willing to listen to you, unlike ur GF who starts abusing him and already trying to get you out of the relationship. My grandmother advise is top after all she been married with no hassles. I go to her house every weekend and make notes how her and grandpa relationship lasted so long :cool: .

 

I’m done with Girlfriends. If any gurl asks me who I am dating…. I’ll put the red lights on cause i know where the situation is heading for.

[Castro]

Originally posted by Nazra:

I’m done with Girlfriends. If any gurl asks me who I am dating…. I’ll put the red lights on cause i know where the situation is heading for.

Nazra, enjoy these lyrics from my woman herself, Ms. Jody Watley (c 1989):

 

Have you ever been stabbed in the back

By someone you thought was really cool

Did they steal your lover or was it money

Or was it lies they told

Strangers just disguised as your friends

Never again ‘cause now you know

 

That friends will let you down

Friends won’t be around

When you need them most

Where are your friend

 

Friends are hard to find

Friends, yours and mine

I’m talkin’ ‘bout your friends

 

Smiles they hide behind

Never know what’s on their mind

Could be true deception

Jealousy and envy reign

They never want to see you get ahead

They just hold you back

 

Friends will let you down

Friends won’t be around

When you need them most

Where are your friend, oh, oh

 

Friends are hard to find

Friends, yours and mine

I’m talkin’ ‘bout your friends

[Nazra]

"Smiles they hide behind

Never know what’s on their mind

Could be true deception

Jealousy and envy reign

They never want to see you get ahead

They just hold you back"

 

So true!

[Nephissa]

^^ When another girl steals your guy, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

[Pujah]

I wouldn't blame the girl, she may have chased but he let her catch him

 

The problem always lies with the guy if you ask me

[Castro]

Originally posted by Alaina:

I wouldn't blame the girl, she may have chased but he let her catch him

 

The problem always lies with the guy if you ask me

I disagree, Alaina. All men, except for a rare miniscule minority, would cheat if they knew they'll get away with it. The women who allow them to cheat knowing full well they're in a relationship or married are the ones to blame. (Of course, if they've been lied to and decieved, they are without blame)