Aaliyyah Posted November 18, 2010 It is nice to stay with your baby lakiin how do you go back to work after three years when you will probably have another one? If you have good job at least 6 months paid work waa lagu siin kadiba you can work part time and put your kid in a day care for 5 hours. You have the other 19 hours to bond habeen iyo maalinba lakiin trust me there is no substitute for having your own money and some independence. If you save some good money that belongs to you at some point you can resign to raise your kids and go back to work when your kids grow up. It s a tough life but what can a girl do? you gonna put a baby in a daycare?? aniga personally shaqada waxaan uga tagi laha out of worrying...I simply can not trust a baby in a day care. I know ppl do maybe I think too much into things. But, that is me...so i guess for everyone something works. And you can always have two kids take few years off go back to work and have another two later in life...so that is four kids..inta ka badan xagee geeni...you need to spend some quality time with your kids and invest in them. Four is more than enough. Some might disagree and say religiously is incorrect. But, what is religiously acceptable? 10 kids and sending them to daycare where gaalo are gonna raise them for you? and even it is a muslim day care center it is still a strangers dealing with your babies. Do you know how frustrated new mothers become when they have to put up with babies? I mean they love them but still htey get frustrated with all the work bal aduu imagine a stranger with a baby naxaris miyuu u falaya?..wax ilmaha uga fiican hoyadi ma jiro especially when it is a baby. So I stick with the idea of being with your baby the first few years.... Also, you can always have your sisters/mother help out.....it is better than day care iyo a stranger....I know I will assign my sisters different evenings (anba inta ka badan so taray it is called pay back time loool or a better word would be pay forward time lmao).. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolate and Honey Posted November 18, 2010 @ FatB the Maslow hierarchy of human needs wasn't made for a HR courses they are exactly what they are called; human needs. And incase you didn't know a wife is a human being and has a need to be what she can be thus the relevance of self actualization here. The Maslow Hierarchy Marar badan baan damcay inaan ku support gareeyo but you two are holding the fort and putting these men to shame! The Zack's last comment cleared everything off the table when he uttered this: Ain't nobody stopping them if they wanna be successful but things u mentioned are more of a dream than reality. Coming from Africa with 4 kids won't help one achieve that dream either or would it? Xaasidnimo wey dhaaftey sidan. :mad: Now watch him come in here and say "you missed the point" The whole idea of women actually wanting to have careers for their own benefit is actually an alien concept to our men.I once had that same very conversation with a man who believed that if the man can provide for the family, the woman HAS to stay home. And when I told him that even if he wins the lottery, I'd still want to teach,volunteer, mentor or something, he said it is a clear "disobedience" to which I replied " hold up! were you looking for an obedient woman? Obedient to whom?" Needless to say he got what was coming to him. I know of many divorces due this whole f-ed up idea of shipping women from Africa to breed and stay home. Imagine how hard it is to keep an eye on your wife 24/7 so that she doesn't assimilate to the same very culture she lives in! "wey halaabee kuma lahoo" alaab miyaa mise human beings? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted November 18, 2010 War illeen tanoo kale, Ina adeer Aaliyah, Waligaa maadan maqlin miyaa "Al-Caashaq ya'tii bacda nikaax"? so does everything else. Ninkuu hadduu mid yaroo quruxley oo 18 jir ah oo yara rafaadsan waddankii ka keeno maxaad ugu diidi. The brother already told us that he had tried multiple ways to get hooked with a Somali chick in his local town but failed to do that terribly for different reasons. The girl in Somalia is having hard time living the life in Ceelasha Biyaha near Af-Goye and would appreciate some changes. This would end up a win win situation. Both will never forget the lives they were in before marriage and will be very grateful that they are married and are happy. I say go for it, the chances of them getting divorced are very slim. How many times do I have to repeat nasixa aad adu sameen qofkale ha siinin...adba gabadha rafaadsan maxaad ugu naxariisan waydey..plenty of them in O-gadeniia? yaab... bad lugu dirsana waad so dhex gashay bal eeg gabadhihi oo dhan kugu kacsan..marka ka bax shekedan lol... and you clearly missed the title of the thread.. Question for the ladies Unless you are a lady you shouldnt share ur thoughts loooool... salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Zack Posted November 18, 2010 Aaliyah, so you are upset that I am asking the brother to give the girls in back home a chance? Dagaalka meeshuu ka socdo eeggaan fahmay. Sorry I was slow, I blame the lack of caffeine in my body in the last few days. I have been trying to quit it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted November 18, 2010 ^Upset lool why would I be upset??? I am simply pointing out that you are being selfish to give advices you yourself would not undertake in million years...(tan kale we all know cida somalia xas u doonatay odey 30 dhaafay ama afartan jaraya oo meel kale wax ka wayey. He clearly told us he is 23 plenty of time to find someone suitable he is not desperate to go back home ). Anyways, somali waxay dhahada af jooga loma adeego marka this dude can speak up for himself wa ka baxa shekadan looool... Ismalura waligay ma maqal caqli lix saac..waxa moday lix sac as in six cows..the latter made sense 2 me. But, now thanks to NC waan fahmay in ay uga jeeday qof dhaandhaan ah... Mida kale hadalaha qaar waxaan is dhahaa ma afkaageey kala soo baxaday Nina. I tell my friends and sisters (who by the way all want 12 or more kids) intaad 6 dhahshaan ilmaha agoonta ku cawiya inta kalana. I told that to a religious Farah once and he couldn't believe his ears. Kuwaasna ilaahey baa irsaqadooda kafaala qaday kuweyga sidoo kale laguye. Of course ilaaahey baa wax irsaaqa but let us be practical. Ilmaha agoonta oo Somaliya jooga you are one of God's ways of their irsaaqad ee stop being selfish baan ku idhi. I can just imagine the shiekh choking on his tea "Subahanalah sister Ismalura didnt expect this from u" salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Zack Posted November 18, 2010 C&H, lol you made it sound like this is a gender war or something waan idiin hiilin lahaaye gabdhoow u were doing good job kulahaa. Jokes aside, as I stated previously I am not for keeping the xawaaley behind the doors, I was just stating that sometimes its to her benefit if she finds a man that can take care of her. That is if she wants to do so. Meesha qasab ma jiro. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ismalura Posted November 18, 2010 Originally posted by chocolate & honey: quote: @ FatB the Maslow hierarchy of human needs wasn't made for a HR courses they are exactly what they are called; human needs. And incase you didn't know a wife is a human being and has a need to be what she can be thus the relevance of self actualization here. The Maslow Hierarchy Marar badan baan damcay inaan ku support gareeyo but you two are holding the fort and putting these men to shame! The Zack's last comment cleared everything off the table when he uttered this: Ain't nobody stopping them if they wanna be successful but things u mentioned are more of a dream than reality. Coming from Africa with 4 kids won't help one achieve that dream either or would it? Xaasidnimo wey dhaaftey sidan. :mad: Now watch him come in here and say "you missed the point" The whole idea of women actually wanting to have careers for their own benefit is actually an alien concept to our men.I once had that same very conversation with a man who believed that if the man can provide for the family, the woman HAS to stay home. And when I told him that even if he wins the lottery, I'd still want to teach,volunteer, mentor or something, he said it is a clear "disobedience" to which I replied " hold up! were you looking for an obedient woman? Obedient to whom?" Needless to say he got what was coming to him. I know of many divorces due this whole f-ed up idea of shipping women from Africa to breed and stay home. Imagine how hard it is to keep an eye on your wife 24/7 so that she doesn't assimilate to the same very culture she lives in! "wey halaabee kuma lahoo" alaab miyaa mise human beings? C&H thanks abaayo....Nimanka are used to being hero worshipped and hate to be told some truth. You mention only one guy who thought that a woman should stay at home if he husband can provide for her lakiin aniga that has been the story of my life I swear. For some ****** reason I associate my self with cave men and I argued for three years trying to make them understand (both friends and potentials) until I realized I can't and should not even try to change them. So now that is the first question I ask and when I don't like what I hear I tell them to move on. I don't study at mid night to stay at home and wait for somebody's pay cheque. If at any point I feel like I need to stay at home it will be my decision because I need to be in control of my life. Thezack thinks that it is a dream but we know that it is a reality ee let us leave him in his cave @ Aaliyah I know what you mean abaayo. I worry about leaving my kids in day care too but I don't have a family here and I need to work so I think in aanan ka maarmin at some point in my life. I agree you don't have to have 10 kids to be a good muslim; 5 is enough for me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted November 18, 2010 ^axadkad gursanasid miyuu family aheen?? if u dnt have siblings or mom let him baby sit half of the day and you do the other half. Sounds possible??.. and I am glad you understand where I am coming from. It is good to know sista we are on the same page....some Somali moms I know don't even work yet drag their 2 years old kids to daycare centers....hada it became more of a habit than necessity. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ismalura Posted November 18, 2010 Aaliyah dee ma anaa aqaana axadkaan guursanayo LOL ! He may or may not have a family here lakiin I don't know who the lucky ******* is so I can't determine that now. As for him baby sitting ma ogi in eey shaqeyneyso because If I work part time I would want to work part of regular hours and of course he will be at work than.Maxaa guriga ii fadhisiyay xilgaas asiga? Mida kale there are many licensed Somali women who operate a day care so you don' have to take them to gaalo. I know It is not the best of solutions lakiin in this kind of capitalist system day cares/home care lagama maarmaan bey noqday. Another interesting option that I am thinking about is working from home. There are many things you can do from home and I even know a number or organizations that offer such an opportunity. How I would love that All in all it is a tough place to be lakiin we can certainly pull it off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ismalura Posted November 18, 2010 Originally posted by The Zack: C&H, lol you made it sound like this is a gender war or something waan idiin hiilin lahaaye gabdhoow u were doing good job kulahaa. Jokes aside, as I stated previously I am not for keeping the xawaaley behind the doors, I was just stating that sometimes its to her benefit if she finds a man that can take care of her. That is if she wants to do so. Meesha qasab ma jiro. Gender war kulahaa. Waaligaa universal sisterhood wax la dhaho maadan maqal miyaa? or in Somali gabadhi gabadh waa u magan. "If she finds a man who can take care of her" Thank you but we are more than cacapbale of taking care of our selves. Meshan wax isku darsi baa yaala ee ilmo u baahan taking care ma joogo. Lastly wiilka markad tidhi Africa aad meela baan ka xanaaqnay including meeshaad hada uun fahanatay daminimadaada . Just kidding....waxba nagamaadan reeban nagamana reebi kartid hadaan u jeedno ee go drink some coffee for your own good ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Zack Posted November 18, 2010 ^Ismalura, gartay meesha dagaalka igaga socdo..wiil 23 jir muruqyo kuus ah baan damcay inaan Africa u diro inkastoo gashaantimo badan halkan joogaan. I am sure nobody would have issues with me if this was 43 yrd old da' dhexaad ah. Midda kale nobody is trying to control y'all ee bacda iska fura. Halla idiin shaqeeeyee guriga jooga maxaa ka fiican? Heck I would be lucky if I was told to stay home while all my financial needs are being provided to me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Somalina Posted November 18, 2010 Originally posted by The Zack: Nina, the scenarios u mentioned are very disappointing if not disgusting. I have seen similar stories in this part of the world where the dad or the mom is full of it. People like that will always be in our communities or even in non Somali communities. But when we r talking about normal and regular parents, those still have some kinds of preferences. At the end of the day the kids will be raised in a healthy way. The question is which way is better? Have one kid every three to four years and have a baby by the time your first child is 16 even though your kids are only 4 or have all four kids in 4 years and be done with the diaper and similac world in about 8 yrs. Normal n regular aa? Zack sheekadan waxay noo noqotey dhaqan haddii aan Somali nahay. Iska dhaaf kuwa Europe, Australia, N.America iyo wadamada kale ee child welfare-ka lagu siiyo degan. Fiiri xerooyinka qaxootiga in Kenya, Ethiopia, fiiri kuwa ku dhibaateysan Nepal, Ceelayasha Biyaha, iyo meel walba Soomaliya, all you see is bunch of kids dayacsan and their mom oo cunug cusub xambaarsan. Dhaqan xumadaan waxay foolxumadeeda banaanka u soo baxdey after the civil war. Family xero qaxooti ku jiro, why ay caruur isaga daba keenaayaan ayaago cunto u haynin kuwa ay already dhaleen?. Kuwa biil loo diro oo ayagana iska dhaldhalaayo waan arkey personally. Ayagoo dhaqankaas wata waa kuwa qurbada la keeney oo hadana meeshoodii ka sii bilaaba. uffff. Mideeda kale islaanta caruurta iska daba dhalaysa sannad walba caafimaadkeeda ma ka fikirtey? Islaan odageeda ka da' yar hadana u ayada dhanba jiitameysa sida iney jawaan sokor ah jiideyso. Yaaqow ha i wareerin, haddii kale waan sii dhex galaayaa sheekadaan deeper. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted November 19, 2010 Ismalura lol axadkan miyu family aheen markaan idhi I mean dont you consider him a family and that you should make sure he is there for you...and yeah hopefully he will have a family too lol that can help u out. Ameen... waan qoslay marka tidhi ma ana aqaan. Ilaahay ba og sax. Insha'Allah khyr... between I had this lengthy discussion today with a good bangali friend of mine and she was pro arranged marriage and she was like saying its the best option blah blah...what are your thoughts guys on that subject? I personally was always against it..and still are to some extent.(but note we are talking about your parents suggesting someone for you and you getting to know before you decide anything so this is clearly different than forced marriage).. your thoughts salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ismalura Posted November 19, 2010 LOL waxaan mooday in aad moodayba in aan bari aqal galayo oon reer xididka aqaano LOL Forced marriage halkaas isga dhigba no one in their right mind should accept it. Arranged oon la is aqoonin waa recipe for disester isgana ( and by disaster I don't mean furiin kali you can stay married and be miserable) Suggestion hadii family members idin siiyaan ood is barataan ma xuma but aniga I feel better about using my own eyes and judgement from the start. Don't tell me you considered the option Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
