Question for the ladies

[Ismalura]

I told you it is called self actualization.Your wife is a separate human being with abilities and dreams of her own not some one made to complement you where you fail. Surprised? I know weey kugu cusbtahay but welcome to 2010 there are more women in universities than men plus women under 30 are earning more than men in many parts of the world. Gone are the days when all you needed to be a hero was to be the bread winner, now you need hard work, discipline, love and so much more to prove your manhood to us.

[The Zack]

You missed my point. Oh, well..

Ain't nobody stopping them if they wanna be successful but things u mentioned are more of a dream than reality. Coming from Africa with 4 kids won't help one achieve that dream either or would it?

 

LOL@2010, not sure why y'all keep mentioning the year we are in, were things different in 2009? I am just curious mise sheekadii Somalia ay sanadku waa sanad hebel ee la qabso baad waddaan.

[Ismalura]

How did I miss your point? You asked why a woman would choose to work if her husband can provide for her. I told you it s called self actualization.

 

2010 weeye waaxaa laga wadaa badowyahow aduunka la qabso oo soo baraabrug like Maryan Murasal sings

[FatB]

self actualization? marrage isnt some sort of HR course self actualization along with the rest of maslow theory wondnt apply i dont think

[Ismalura]

@ FatB the Maslow hierarchy of human needs wasn't made for a HR courses they are exactly what they are called; human needs. And incase you didn't know a wife is a human being and has a need to be what she can be thus the relevance of self actualization here.

[Somalina]

lol@Ismalura...

Niman wareersan ayaa qurbada nala jooga ma istiri. Caqli lix saac nooh!

[Aaliyyah]

^caqliga lix saac maxa la dhaha? do u mean lix sac lool?

 

As for ur discussions. It is good that a mother spends with her child the first three years of his/her life at least. I don't think you should trust someone else with a vulnerable baby..just my thoughts..not to mention you are bonding with teh child so at least give ur child three yrs..then maybe you can go back to work. As for the guy providing that is nice thing but usually at the beginning its gonna be hey i can provide stay home blah blah but at the end hes gonna get the whole ego of oh am the man of the house I provide for you...at the end of the day everyone wants to have control over their lives. I am sure that is where many woman feel secure working and taking care of themselves. And, nothing is wrong with that.Not to mention life is expensive nowadays two incomes will make life a whole lot easier and make the couple financially stable....

 

 

Aaliyah, I don't understand why you keep using the analogy of "Me VS the Dude in question" LOL. My situation was different than his situation. The advice I am giving him is based on the guy's situation iyo meesha uu xaalkiisu marayo siduu noo sheegay. Sidaas weeye inaaar.

Why shouldn't I compare you to him...I mean here you are giving advices you yourself would not do..it just sounds so unfair to me. Not to mention hw is his situation any different. He is young man, educated, successful and he is just looking for a good sister. That does not mean you should tell him hey get one from Somalia? that is not sound advice. He lives in the uk with the right connections he can find a good sister who has a lot in common with him.And, there is nothing wrong with the girls back home but he doesnt need to marry one just because he needs a wife...he deserves more and the sisters back home deserve more than a guy who just needed a wife and who will half the time be in another country....

 

salaam

[Ismalura]

@ Nina lixa saac weeyba dhaftay tan waa aqli 8 saac ee maxaan dhahnaa dee.

 

@ Aaliyah aqli lix saac waligaa maadan maqlin miyaa? LOL

 

It is nice to stay with your baby lakiin how do you go back to work after three years when you will probably have another one? If you have good job at least 6 months paid work waa lagu siin kadiba you can work part time and put your kid in a day care for 5 hours. You have the other 19 hours to bond habeen iyo maalinba lakiin trust me there is no substitute for having your own money and some independence. If you save some good money that belongs to you at some point you can resign to raise your kids and go back to work when your kids grow up. It s a tough life but what can a girl do?

[The Zack]

War illeen tanoo kale, Ina adeer Aaliyah, Waligaa maadan maqlin miyaa "Al-Caashaq ya'tii bacda nikaax"? so does everything else. Ninkuu hadduu mid yaroo quruxley oo 18 jir ah oo yara rafaadsan waddankii ka keeno maxaad ugu diidi. The brother already told us that he had tried multiple ways to get hooked with a Somali chick in his local town but failed to do that terribly for different reasons. The girl in Somalia is having hard time living the life in Ceelasha Biyaha near Af-Goye and would appreciate some changes. This would end up a win win situation. Both will never forget the lives they were in before marriage and will be very grateful that they are married and are happy. I say go for it, the chances of them getting divorced are very slim.

[Somalina]

LOL@Ismalura. War kuwaan wareerkooda ma yara ee hawada ha naga maraan..

 

Aaliyyah, dhaadhaan waaye nooh! (atleast I think it is lol).

 

Ilmahaan la iska daba dhalaayo sanadba sanadka ka danbeeya dhibaatooyin badan ayey leedahay. 2 sanno ilaa iyo 4 sanno ha u dhexeyso caruurta ayaan qabaa si one-on-one attention oo uu helo cunug walba, waqti lacag loo aruursado la helo kan soo socda.

Ilma la iska dhal dhalaa like iney yihiin ukun dooro aanba la yaabaa. Ilaahow jaahilniminada naga saar.

[The Zack]

^Not to disagree with you on everything but some parents like the back-to-back process. They believe that it is smart to have 4 to 5 kids back to back and stop it. That way the kids will all grow up in about the same time and that will give the parents some free time after they raise them. Kinda like killing two birds (well this case 5 kids LOL) with one stone.

 

I am neutral on this one, I believe it will depend on the decision of the parents. A lot of people have different preferences.

[Somalina]

Ok! walaaloow, qof qaxootinimo ku jiro, siduu 5 cunug isaga daba dhali karaa? shan cunug (kan ugu weyn 8 jiro) oo guri isla jooga weligaa ma tagtey? odeygii dhaley ma aragtaa asagoo la ciyaaraaya 5taas ama caawinaaya xaaskiisa?

 

I understand if we were back home, laakiin qurbo sheekaddeeda ma yara. Nimanka Soomalida waxay Ph.D ku qaateen in ay aroosaan, ilma badan dhalaan, la imaadaan excuse ay dhahaayaan "she doesn't even take care of herself, marka i'm not attracted to her anymore, mid kale u baahanahay oo attention i siisa". Losernimadooda waa arrinta communitygeenii saameysa marwalba.

 

I used to baby-sit kids to make extra cash back in the days and there was a time I baby sat 7 Somali kids oo diif kawada daadanaayo, odeygii islaan kale guursadey, maamadii dhashay caruurtana jahwareer ku dhacay, guriga dhana wax ka soo uraayo loaded diaper. The oldest is 10 and she is the one taking care of her brothers n sisters daily. How sad is that? gabadhaas yarta ah markey weynaato niman badan ayey lafaha u qaadi doontaa. Qoysas badana oo similar situation ku jirana waan arkey.

 

Maxaa loo dhalaayaa caruurta haddii aan la xanaaneyneynin oo waqti lala qaadaneynin oo aan horumarkooda laga fikireynin. Bunch of selfish people iga dheh.

[Ismalura]

@ Nina waad saxsantahay doqonimo ayaa laga wadaa.

 

Mida kale hadalaha qaar waxaan is dhahaa ma afkaageey kala soo baxaday Nina. I tell my friends and sisters (who by the way all want 12 or more kids) intaad 6 dhahshaan ilmaha agoonta ku cawiya inta kalana. I told that to a religious Farah once and he couldn't believe his ears. Kuwaasna ilaahey baa irsaqadooda kafaala qaday kuweyga sidoo kale laguye. Of course ilaaahey baa wax irsaaqa but let us be practical. Ilmaha agoonta oo Somaliya jooga you are one of God's ways of their irsaaqad ee stop being selfish baan ku idhi.

 

@ TheZack now you are talking like reer magaal LOL. It is a preference haa and having a number of kids on consecutive years and than taking a break waa figrad fiican. Kudos for being flexible on the dea mr Zack

[The Zack]

Nina, the scenarios u mentioned are very disappointing if not disgusting. I have seen similar stories in this part of the world where the dad or the mom is full of it. People like that will always be in our communities or even in non Somali communities. But when we r talking about normal and regular parents, those still have some kinds of preferences. At the end of the day the kids will be raised in a healthy way. The question is which way is better? Have one kid every three to four years and have a baby by the time your first child is 16 even though your kids are only 4 or have all four kids in 4 years and be done with the diaper and similac world in about 8 yrs.

 

@Ismalura.. I was born n bred in that reer magaalnimo if you will LOL.

[Ismalura]

Originally posted by NinaNC:

Ok! walaaloow, qof qaxootinimo ku jiro, siduu 5 cunug isaga daba dhali karaa? shan cunug (kan ugu weyn 8 jiro) oo guri isla jooga weligaa ma tagtey? odeygii dhaley ma aragtaa asagoo la ciyaaraaya 5taas ama caawinaaya xaaskiisa?

 

I understand if we were back home, laakiin qurbo sheekaddeeda ma yara. Nimanka Soomalida waxay Ph.D ku qaateen in ay aroosaan, ilma badan dhalaan, la imaadaan excuse ay dhahaayaan "she does even take care of herself, marka i'm not attracted to her anymore, mid kale u baahanahay oo attention i siisa". Losernimadooda waa arrinta communitygeenii saameysa marwalba.

 

I used to baby-sit kids to make extra cash back in the days and there was a time I baby sat 7 Somali kids oo diif kawada daadanaayo, odeygii islaan kale guursadey, maamadii dhashay caruurtana jahwareer ku dhacay, guriga dhana wax ka soo uraayo loaded diaper. The oldest is 10 and she is the one taking care of her brothers n sisters daily. How sad is that? gabadhaas yarta ah markey weynaato niman badan ayey lafaha u qaadi doontaa. Qoysas badana oo similar situation ku jirana waan arkey.

 

Maxaa loo dhalaayaa caruurta haddii aan la xanaaneyneynin oo waqti lala qaadaneynin oo aan horumarkooda laga fikireynin. Punch selfish people iga dheh.

Nina I know one family oo heystay 5 kids oo isku nuug ah (the oldest is 7) but they take very good care of them. The mother is educated; she knows the quran very well and has a collage degree but she stays at home. Guriga iska joog ma ahee she knows everything and drives her own car. The father has a very well paying job (middle income) and even though he works full time he spends a lot of time with the kids and the wife. He also buys most of the groceries and stuff from out side and even cooks some times. Waa labo qof oo si siman isula shaqeysta and who of course are in love; you can see that from the way the interact. The outcome; 5 very healthy, very smart and very disciplined kids plus a balanced beautiful life. Lakiin Somalida badankeed saad shegtay weeye; ilmaa la dhali, ninkii reer shaqo kuma laha naagtiina weey daali oo weey iska samri. No love or happiness just surviving day in day out.