Would you ask your husband-to-be to sign a contract that denies him a second wife?

[Oocyte]

Yes, whynot?

One has to make his/her stand very clear on this issue before marriage and if woman wants it written, she has every right to do so.

 

Kheyr,

Who is talking about haram and halal? This is called a choice and every woman is entitled to it. No need to turn and twist into something else.

 

Nin_Brown,

Whats so phobia about it? Arent there things you DONT share with anyone else? that you like to keep it to yourselves? that you dont even want to share with your loved ones?

If you are willing to offer therapy, it may be better to show some men the benefits of faithfulness.

 

 

Liibaan,

 

 

quote:Originally posted by Jamelia:

 

quote:Originally posted by liibaan:

Although I probably would never have more than one wife, I still would not sign a contract like that.

 

Why not, is it because you wish to keep all your options open?

 

Most definitely!! [big Grin]

what about your wife(future wife)? how will she keep her options open? Ohh I guess that is not your concern or it doesnt matter to you!

[Qandalawi]

What?

 

My wife makes me sign a contact with her, hmm thats definetly a one way ticket for her, no other quarrel that guarantees no return ticket for her to anywhere she likes.

[Strawberry_Xu]

Pucca, I think most women are talking about the right of divorce if he breaks a promise, considering how contracts are sacred.

[-Lily-]

Walalayal, first of all, trust lost can never be detailed in a contract. To break a promise islamically isnt talking about something written down, its the spoken words too. No contract reduces the betreyal. Forget divorce at the end of the day, no one can force you to be with someone you do not wish to be.

 

So no, I wouldn't bother with a contcat, if he doesn't respect my words then there really is nothing left. The trust between two ppl is sacred.

[Rahima]

No contract reduces the betreyal.

This topic has been done to death, but just to clarify, the contract is not to reduce the betrayal. For a man who does not fear God or has little respect for your feelings, a piece of paper as he sees it is most certainly no deterrent, rather this contract in the sight of Allah exonerates you of blame should he so wish to break it (by marrying another woman).

 

Asking for a divorce is not something we women should do at the drop of a hat, but by breaking the contract he has caused the divorce not you. Early thinking women , cover your back in this world and in the akhira-put all the blame on him whilst you can .

[Baluug]

That's the problem with most women these days.....Although they are the ones cutting up their daughters, they seem to have no problem blaming the men for it. And while they're at it, why not blame men for something Allah SWT has made halal for us, polygamy! If you guys don't agree with Allah SWT and His messenger SCW, there are other religions. We don't need people who do nothing but complain.

 

Originally posted by Oocyte:

Liibaan,

 

 

quote:Originally posted by Jamelia:

 

quote:Originally posted by liibaan:

Although I probably would never have more than one wife, I still would not sign a contract like that.

 

Why not, is it because you wish to keep all your options open?

 

Most definitely!! [big Grin]

quote:

---

what about your wife(future wife)? how will she keep her options open? Ohh I guess that is not your concern or it doesnt matter to you!

As for my wife(I am married), her option is to stay married to me, divorce and stay single, or marry another man. So how am I holding her back from her options?

 

See, one major problem with us is that we are only thinking in terms of the man's sexual satisfaction. But has anyone ever bothered to stop and think that there may be other reasons for Allah SWT to allow polygamy? Probably not, so why don't we stop and think about it right now? In Islam, women are not encouraged to work for a living. They are encouraged to marry and raise a family and run the household. So in that case, they would need to marry someone and in the absence of a single man, they could marry a man who has a wife already. Somalia is a great example for this scenario because 15 years of civil war has most definitely taken its toll on the male population, either killing many of them outright, or leaving many wounded, disabled, and lame. The men that are left would most likely be married. So what's a lonely Xaliimo to do? Simple.

 

I am definitely in no position to marry another wife and my current wife makes it clear whenever she gets the chance to reiterate that she will not accept the competition. But times change, and so do people. After all, no one knows if I ever run into a pile of money and I move to Somalia if it becomes safe, insha Allah. I would feel it to be my duty as a good Muslim to do my best to help the miskiin, and what better way to help out a whole family than to marry one of their women? After all, the sadaqa would go a longer way than if one were to help them out once and never see them again.

 

So you women should think about this and push your jealousy into the background(Even Rasulullah SCW's wives were jealous of each other, so I don't expect any women to get rid of their jealousy all together). You never know when you may be in a threatening situation like most women in Somalia are right now.

[Rahima]

And while they're at it, why not blame men for something Allah SWT has made halal for us, polygamy! If you guys don't agree with Allah SWT and His messenger SCW, there are other religions. We don't need people who do nothing but complain.

Absolutely rich, just wonderful. What religion is that brother? Last I recall I have the right and that does not mean that I am going against what Allah SWT and His messenger SCW have stated. You see Allah and His messenger have given me the choice to not want that, so to work by your thinking you are in actuality disagreeing with what Allah and His messenger have stated.

 

Some men these days :rolleyes: .

 

See, one major problem with us is that we are only thinking in terms of the man's sexual satisfaction. But has anyone ever bothered to stop and think that there may be other reasons for Allah SWT to allow polygamy? Probably not, so why don't we stop and think about it right now? In Islam, women are not encouraged to work for a living. They are encouraged to marry and raise a family and run the household. So in that case, they would need to marry someone and in the absence of a single man, they could marry a man who has a wife already. Somalia is a great example for this scenario because 15 years of civil war has most definitely taken its toll on the male population, either killing many of them outright, or leaving many wounded, disabled, and lame. The men that are left would most likely be married. So what's a lonely Xaliimo to do? Simple.

So you women should think about this and push your jealousy into the background(Even Rasulullah SCW's wives were jealous of each other, so I don't expect any women to get rid of their jealousy all together). You never know when you may be in a threatening situation like most women in Somalia are right now.

Bravo, someone give the brother a worthy clap please. So Somali men marry for the sake of the poor and destitute sisters . If ever there were a time to laugh this would certainly be it. Ina adeer let’s cut the crap, Somali men when marrying a second wife are thinking with a particular part of anatomy and not for the good of the Ummah. I have yet to come across a man who married another wife for the sake of the Ummah.

 

I am so bored of this topic, but I am equally disgusted with all these Faraxs who have nothing better to do but consume their time with trying to deny us our rights, belittling our feelings and trying to play with cards they don’t have and most probably will never have.

 

Protest as you all so wish, but it doesn’t change a thing. We have rights, we will use them and inshallah will be successful in all our efforts so that we will never need to rely on a man. I feel for the sisters back home, they marry useless Faaraxs oona reer dhaqi Karin because they have little other choices. But those of us with an education will inshallah not fall into the same hole.

 

Either way, cry as you will boys it doesn't change a thing. You men are the ones who do the chasing right, either accept the condition or be on your merry ways. Believe you me there aren't a shortage of men who are willing to sign the dotted line.

[- Femme -]

Its depressing.

[Pucca]

Pucca, I think most women are talking about the right of divorce if he breaks a promise, considering how contracts are sacred.

i'm sure there is some hadeeth that permits her to divorce him *or ask for a divorce* and she'll get it so long as she can come up with a valid reason..."he married another" simply will not cut it.

[- Femme -]

^Thats a good enough reason. There is a hadith in which the Propeht himself granted a woman divorce from her husband (who adored her...and used to run after her profusing his love) simply because she said she had no feelings for him.

 

(4) See Qur'an 2:229 in the light of the following hadith:

 

"The wife of Thabit bin Qays came to the Prophet and said, "Messenger of God, I do not reproach Thabit bin Qays in respect of character or religion but I do not want to be guilty of kufran regarding Islam (meaning that she did not like him enough as a marriage partner and so was afraid she might not give him the respect and love due to a husband)." God's Messenger asked her if she would give back to Thabit his garden, and when she replied that she would, he told him to accept the garden and declare the divorce." (Bukhari, Nasa'i, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Bayhaqi, on the authority of Ibn Abbas)

Marriage in Islam (From the site Islam: The Modern Religion --->check the pretty good intro.)

 

 

The divorce initiated by the wife is known as khu" (if the husband is not at fault) and entails the wife giving her dowry to end the marriage because she is the "contract" breaker. In the instance of talaq where the husband is the "contract" breaker, he must pay the dowry in full in cases where all or part of it was deferred.

 

In the case that the husband is at fault and the woman is interested in divorce, she can petition a judge for divorce, with cause. She would be required to offer proof that her husband had not fulfilled his responsibilities. The judge would make that determination based on the facts of the case and the law of the land. It the woman had specified certain conditions in her marriage contract, which were not met by the husband, she could obtain a conditional divorce.

 

There has been much distortion and propagation of mistruth about a woman's rights in the matters of marriage and divorce. It is only with self-education and awareness of the Qur'anic text that both men and women can come to know the truth of what God has prescribed and to evaluate the scholarly interpretations closely to ensure that the spirit of justice is carried out:

 

Islam does not oblige a wife to accept sharing her husband with another woman. In case she cannot, she has the liberty to seek divorce.

Ladies, KNOWLEGE IS POWER. Power to the women! *raises fist*

[Baluug]

Originally posted by Rahima:

I am equally disgusted with all these Faraxs who have nothing better to do but consume their time with trying to deny us our rights, belittling our feelings and trying to play with cards they don’t have and most probably will never have.

What am I denying you? I believe it was Ngonge who said it best, that these are just words on a screen. I also realize, like I said in my post, I have no "cards" to play with and my wife would not accept to share me with someone else, or in her words," If you want another wife, you'll have to divorce me first". But if I ever come across the "cards", I may very well use them, and yes, it would be for the sake of the Ummah,inshallah, we are not all the same

 

Originally posted by Rahima:

We have rights, we will use them and inshallah will be successful in all our efforts so that we will never need to rely on a man. I feel for the sisters back home, they marry useless Faaraxs oona reer dhaqi Karin because they have little other choices. But those of us with an education will inshallah not fall into the same hole.

By all means, sister, go ahead, there is no harm if you work for yourself, but don't fall into the same "hole" as the kufaar women and adopt their attitude about it.

 

Originally posted by Rahima:

Either way, cry as you will boys it doesn't change a thing. You men are the ones who do the chasing right, either accept the condition or be on your merry ways. Believe you me there aren't a shortage of men who are willing to sign the dotted line.

No problem. I won't cry. I'm just saying I won't sign such a contract, and I got a wife, whether I'm a useless Farax or not(which I'm not, by the way )

[Rahima]

What am I denying you?

The wonderful thing is that only Allah can deny , but as i said you are are blameworthy for trying to deny us. Proof:

 

And while they're at it, why not blame men for something Allah SWT has made halal for us, polygamy! If you guys don't agree with Allah SWT and His messenger SCW, there are other religions.

I do believe that it was you who wrote that. So basically we either accept to be part of a polygamous marriage or find ourselves another religion because we are going against Islam :rolleyes: . What do you make of that reasoning Libaan? Do i as a sister who holds this view not have a right to be offended?

 

but don't fall into the same "hole" as the kufaar women and adopt their attitude about it.

Again rich, because I practice my God-given right I am all of a sudden in dire need of advice about not falling victim to the kufaar mentality :rolleyes: .

 

No problem. I won't cry. I'm just saying I won't sign such a contract, and I got a wife, whether I'm a useless Farax or not(which I'm not, by the way )

Then fine don’t sign it, it is your right. You see, unlike you and a whole bunch of the other Faarax’s I respect your choice. Are you man enough to respect ours?

 

Also, if you read carefully libaan you’d notice that I was not calling you useless .

 

Ladies, KNOWLEGE IS POWER. Power to the women! *raises fist*

We are our worst enemy Femme.

[Baluug]

Originally posted by Rahima:

So basically we either accept to be part of a polygamous marriage or find ourselves another religion because we are going against Islam :rolleyes: . What do you make of that reasoning Libaan? Do i as a sister who holds this view not have a right to be offended?

Not once did I say or even think you must accept that your (future or current) husband wants more than one wife. But what you and others in this thread are implying is that the judgement of Allah SWT is unfair towards women because we can marry up to 4 wives, while you are stuck with one husband, hence my statements that you can find another religion and to not fall into the same hole as kufaars. Like I said, kufaars are doing a real great job of complaining about women's rights in Islam already and let's face it, we as an Ummah aren't doing much to dispel their myths.

 

Basically, what I mean is that if you don't like the whole polygamy concept, you don't have to jump down my throat because I may or may not take advantage of something that Allah SWT has given me the right to do.

 

I can understand if you think all men are using the wrong head to make their decisions, trust me, many of us do. But do you really think I would take on another wife without knowing the possible consequences? Jealous wives, two(or more) families dependent upon me and Allah SWT to provide for them equally, and the knowledge that if I fail in my duties to do so, I will be in very serious trouble on the Day of Qiyaamah? If polygamous men carry out their Islamic responsibility and not cut any corners, then having another wife is not as fun as it may look. So you shouldn't think that women are the only ones who bear a burden when it comes to multiple wives. The only difference is that men get more jiggy-jiggy out of the deal.

[sheherazade]

Originally posted by liibaan:

The only difference is that men get more jiggy-jiggy out of the deal.

Ya think?

 

LoooL. We have a long way to go ladies, some men can't abide hearing of our God-given rights. It hurts their poor heads(both).

 

First laugh of the day. More please.

[Rahima]

Not once did I say or even think you must accept that your (future or current) husband wants more than one wife.

Not in those words, but again you did write (and i'll continue quoting in the hope you see the light of how wrong a statement it is):

 

And while they're at it, why not blame men for something Allah SWT has made halal for us, polygamy! If you guys don't agree with Allah SWT and His messenger SCW, there are other religions.

Which is even worse then telling us that we must accept that our husbands marry women after us. You are basically telling us to either accept it for ourselves or to find another religion.

 

But what you and others in this thread are implying is that the judgement of Allah SWT is unfair towards women because we can marry up to 4 wives,

That’s nice. How is that you have come to such a deduction? Really interested to know considering that I have yet to write or ‘imply’ that I thought it was unfair (please do quote my implying). There are discussions Libaan and it may be so that we disagree, but we shouldn’t be branding each other with the kafir status. For one to state or imply that a ruling of the almighty is unfair (which is what you have accused me of doing) is to leave the fold of Islam. I seek refuge in Allah from that and have never implied anything of sort. In future you should be more cautious instead of throwing around dangerous accusations. I am going by what you have written. When addressing you or your views in particular I have quoted you as stated and have not tried to make an absurd deduction based on a need to make the case.

 

Basically, what I mean is that if you don't like the whole polygamy concept, you don't have to jump down my throat because I may or may not take advantage of something that Allah SWT has given me the right to do.

Do you honestly not see the contradiction in your words? Here you are preaching about taking advantage of that which Allah has given you the right to do and by the same token turn around with this double face of calling us sisters who also do the same basically as being in danger of kufr (i.e. that we supposedly have implied that the ruling is unfair) and to not fall victim to the brainwashing of the gaalo (like we are bunch of uneducated Islam-lacking women).

 

Liban, do as you wish but cut this nonsense of demonizing sisters who opt for a choice which would quell this option (it is not Fard you know).