No boifriend somali debate...

[Aaliyyah]

But you don't think it's normal, Imtithal! You grew up in a place where people display their affection on buses and streets. Were your parents there to guide you ALL the time?

alhmadulilah almost every step in my life my parents have pointed out whats wrong and right even today and am over the age of 20. But, am not here to talk about myself or my parents. Rather the bigger picture and whats currently happening with the majority of the youngsters. Alhmadulilah there are good young Somali children in today's high schools. But, I just wanna focus on our shortcomings and how we shouldn't just shrug...a parent has to realize that he's playing a much bigger role than the parent who has children in any muslim country. Cuz his/her child when they step out of the door they are exposed to so much filth.

 

Basically am emphasizing on parenting because the society has different values and if anything is working against the values that the parents have. So, if they don't work extra hard to instill those values in their kids, they should know that the environment will have an upper hand.

 

salaam

[MZanzi]

Aaliyah, ODaygan kudhali karo yuusan kuxiijin

[Aaliyyah]

adeerkey ima xiijinayo wuxu aminsanyahay ayuu sheegaya...

[The_Siren]

I agree I think trust and a lack of understanding what is it like to be young-Somali and growing up in the west is to blame. Generation gaps can be a b*tch as times but in truth, young people- will be young people where ever they go and lustful mistakes are bound to happen but when a girl or boy begins sleeping with his or her "boyfriend" and starts to move in with their lovers BEFORE getting married? Then they're obviously in danger of becoming proper Galaalo-tized.

 

Don't get me wrong theres nothing wrong with sex and being young, honry and having your viens pumpedful of hormones but its the way in which you bahave and deal with it following your cultural customs which defines us as Somali's.

 

Usually with us Somalis when your loosing the fight to control the itching thats going on downstairs one gets married in a Xalaal manner there-by sharafing not only yourself in the eyes of your lord and the community but your parents aswell. Its simple and clear, why must it be so complicated?

 

Somali parents need to learn to talk with their children and not "talk at them" but engage with them trust them and advise them. Let them know the consequences that shall occur if they follow paths which aren't wise but most of all they need to stop being so strict and controlling with their kids or trying to pressure with "what so and so will think of them". Do you really think that a rebelious teen with give a damn about habo-huge mouth from across the street will say? Whats more likely is that your children (who are essentially good kids) will learn to adopt sneeky immoral behaviour so as to fly under the rader so to speak.

 

Some somali parents need to understand that you can have respect from your child but you need not refuse them the chance to see for themselves that life-sex-drugs-drink - rock and roll along with all the other silly crazes they're fixated with truly aren't all its cracked up to be.

 

The more you try to say no and control them the more they'll try to rebel against you- allow them a sense of fair freedom and let them see forthemselves the cracks the world so generously has to offer.

 

Personally? My mother was open with me and siblings from the first moment-she was revolting and embracingly crude with the issue of sex that It truly put us off the idea for a very long time. She also gave us all the freedom that we wished- (along with look after your self comments) it just so happened that when presented with the gift of all that "freedom"-we just simply shruged and decided to rent movies and stay at home.

[Blessed]

Originally posted by Imtithal:

Basically am emphasizing on parenting because the society has different values and if anything is working against the values that the parents have. So, if they don't work extra hard to instill those values in their kids, they should know that the environment will have an upper hand.

 

I understand where you're coming from Aaliyah.. the incidence of teen pregnancies, drug abuse etc. are lower in the East due the fact that parents have more control over their children and there's a general agreement and mutual support on the promotion of moral issues. I live in an expats city and this is true for even western families - ultimately all parents want the same for the kids.

 

 

However, it doesn't mean that the same issues don't exist here and as a parent in the ME I have the same concerns for my daughters (well maybe 10 years down the line) as I would if we were in the UK.

 

Youths in Saudi may not hold hands and walk around with b/f or g/fs in Saudi, partly due to fear of Mutawa (because those who want to go clubbing, drinking etc.. only drive across the boarder to Manama to do just that). Those who want to also get up to a lot of vulgar (even by western standards)things in private and in the Saudi desert. Same is true for Somalia.

 

There's fitnah everywhere walaal, not just the west. The west didn't invent or patent drugs, alcohol etc.. those things are available everywhere. So, when someone indulges in them they are not necessarily copying the west. Young people as you have demonstrated are not monkys who see and do. They're simply acting on their own weaknesses, desires and ignorance.

 

This is where parents come into the picture - we can try to educate our children, instil Islamic values which they will not gain automatically because they live in a Muslim country and take Islamic studies in class. In the east, culture is far more effective than the DEEN but culture is not always Islamic.. in fact you'll find a lot of things in Eastern cultures go against our deen because of this parents still need to be guiding their kids every step of the way.

[Aaliyyah]

Siren sis,I agree with you that parents need to relate with their children and communicate with them and not disregard such topics. Cuz, if one does not educate their children at home, then the child will be educated elsewhere and most likely educated wrongly.

 

 

Blessed adna walaal 100% waan kugu raacsanahay. aabo iyo hooyo kasta meshay jogaanba wa in ay caruurtooda si wacan u koriyaan waxa xuna ka reeban.meelkastana wax xun iyo wax fiican way yaalaan laakin waxan ka waday uun halkan aya ka daran uun hadii labada melood la is barbardhigo.

 

alhmadulilah that been said you both raised excellent points and am glad we are on the same page.

 

salaam

[Legend of Zu]

^^^ You almost agreed with everyone of course except Ngonge, obviously who will agree with him?

 

I skipped through the responses, what are we saying? we should not support Boi/Girl friend all together? or yes but with some limitations i.e. with some parental guide etc...

 

Bal ii jilci!

 

Cheers

[Ashkiro]

I think a lot of Somali parents have this passive attitude when it comes to parenting (ie It is Allah that Guides people, etc) and many families are disfunctional, from my obervations (parents are not involved in their children lives, in their school etc). It's by no means due to lack of love for their children, but I think culture in how they were raised. It is indeed true whom Allah guides no one can misguide (because their are a lot of ppl that have knowledge about the deen but don't act on it), but it's important to be really involved with one's children and know their activities, likes, dislikes etc. Not police them etc. I personally don't see anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex nor did my parents, i've always have and never been the sort of girl to engage in haraam, nor do i understand this business of hiding something from your parents when your talking to the opposite sex, that shows one does not have a good relationship with their parents. Perhaps, parenting workshops for Somali parents are in order if kids are out of control these days.

 

ps: Girl obession boys need rules too.

[Aaliyyah]

we should not support Boi/Girl friend all together? or yes but with some limitations i.e. with some parental guide [big Grin] etc...

When kids are in high school they shouldn't be allowed to date. That's my opinion. And, whats the definition of boifriend anyways??from a western point of view theres is no boundary basically the two people do anything they would have done if they were married. So you can't allow your kids to be involved in such haraam relationship.

 

However, if the person is more mature, older and they know where to draw the line they can go and seek their prospective life partner (some might disagree and still say you have to take a muhrim given that if there are two people alone the third person is always sheydan) but in my opinion if the two people are in a public environment exactly what can they do? not much really..bt then again religiously many will disagree with me and insist on a muhrim. But really thats a whole different story...in here we are mainly talking abt kids in high school...

 

salaam

[Chocolate and Honey]

Dont let kids date when they are in high school but let them have good friends who also have the same ethics and values. If you raised them right with morals and drilled the Fear of Allah into them, then let them make their decisions after high school. We cant raise our kids in a bubble because it will eventually pop.

I think the Somali sytle of dating is Ok. Boy meets girl, boy talks to girl, girl likes boy, talks to the boy, sees the boy in public places, introduces the boy to the family and the end.

[MZanzi]

^^Somalida halala shukaansi miyaa kooda, qofyahay somalida waa ilbaxday hada jidka dhex bartankiis jalaatu jubu ineey dhuuqaayan camal isku dhuuqaan ciyaalka

 

I realized how badly I squandered away my high school education. It’s not that I didn’t graduate; I did that. But I never took my primary education seriously, mostly because I had another topic on my mind – girls. In my case, the only subject I wanted an A in was Dating-101..

[Abyan]

Originally posted by Fu-Fu:

^^Somalida halala shukaansi miyaa kooda, qofyahay somalida waa ilbaxday hada jidka dhex bartankiis jalaatu jubu ineey dhuuqaayan camal isku dhuuqaan ciyaalka

 

I realized how badly I squandered away my high school education. It’s not that I didn’t graduate; I did that. But I never took my primary education seriously, mostly because I had another topic on my mind – girls. In my case, the only subject I wanted an A in was Dating-101..

I thought you were female..... :confused:

[MZanzi]

^^^I thought I was just the guy for you..mais la dhaanten karna?

[MAXIMUS POWERS]

There is a changing attitude towards dating in the Somali Community. Things have changed and perhaps its time to embrace change. In my days, I wasn't allowed to date or even talk to girls albeit with minimal success. Now you see 15 Year olds going on linkages (urban british inner city Somalish slang meaning: When you on a prospective date). Its nice when you have your first girlfriend then you realise its a downward decline from there on. Its not a big deal and people shouldn't take this issue serious. Good Islamic and Somali cultural upbringing should hold young people in good stead. I dont think young people like to have boyfriends and girlfriends, its just a phase and a status symbol.

 

I bet everyone remembers their first girlfriend/boyfriend . I was about 14 and she was 17. These days I keep it to a four at time! its not easy, its messy but it requires hard work and a lot of effort!

 

 

All the awards are mine! and my favourite one is on the right! Her name is Ellen Mohamed.

[Chimera]

Neutrality syndrome is a dangerous mindset i have noticed amongst some Somali teenagers, myself included in the past. Let's say a Somali guy encounters a beautiful Somali girl who is drooled over by his Ajanabi friends but he himself sees her as nothing other than his Somali sister and tells his friends to be quite, then this brother has the Neutrality syndrome. If a Somali girl sees her ajanabi friends giggling and checking out a good looking Somali guy and she herself can't figure out why they are so into him, then she my friend is also suffering from the neutrality syndrome

 

We all naturally have this syndrome with regards to our blood siblings, but when a person lives and grows up in a foreign country he/she absorbs the host country's culture, and usually the original culture is pushed to the periphery of that person's life and they in extreme cases become A-sexual to members of their own ethnic community, while those who are really into their culture are more inclined to feel attracted to a compatriot

 

I've seen this amongst Indians, Pakistanis, Moroccans, Turks, Poles and of course Somalis.