How to keep your marriage strong and avoid seperation

[RedSea]

Assalamu calaykum my dear Nomads,

 

Have you ever wondered why most of Somali couples's relationship doesn't last? have you witnessed many single mothers who are in possession of few kids,lonely and desperately looking for someone to settle with.Have you heard the stories of compliants of so many Somali men who were married at least once before hand? if you have,why do you think,these terrible things have befallen on them after high expectations to begin with?

 

well in my opinion there are few factors as to why most of Somali married couple's relationship doesn't last.

 

First of all,the sole purpose of marriage is one to have children to increase the numbers of the Muslim Umah,thus it's blessed to have children.Another purpose of marriage is for one to protect him/herself from commiting wrongful deeds such as sex outside marriage aka adultery,in fact marriage is 50% of ones' faith,last but not least,marriage is supposed to help the individual to travel the road of life rather easier than lonely traveler.It makes all most all aspects of life much easier for those who are married.

 

To keep your marriage strong and avoid seperation,you should try to do some of the points below,I think in my opinion this are one of the main area that Somali couples luck in their lives which is the key factor as to why we have such high divorce rate in our community.

 

1.spend time with your family(be family man).You may go out with your friends at times,but you must put aside a time to spend with your wife and kids,set up family night out (Friday night) is good night to spend the night out.

 

^Key area where most Somali women complain about their husbands.

 

2.Try to put a system together which you will try to solve if problems within the family structure ever surface(since we are humans,we have disagreements and hard days,however how to settle them is where we differ).

 

3.Dont lie to your wife/husband,don't make excuses when you do something wrongful,admit it,try to not repeat it again.Build a trust between you and your partner in life.

 

4.try to have fun,spice up you love life.Since you are couple who are maried in the correct fashion,it's permissable for you to try new things everynight.this is also very key area,that one needs to take lessons... sure be romantic,give your partner flowers,gift cards,occasional suprises.The Prophet peace be upon him use to shower with Aisha(his wife) at times,so shower together at times,lit candles,scatter roses all over the bed as well,do something fun together inside the master bedroom,essentially the little things count and will lead your partner to have positive feeling about you,this could be interpret as love too...basically spice it up little bid by trying new things here and then.

 

That is what I would suggest for now,if you have more to add,please entertain us with it.

 

thanks,

[LayZie G.]

Redish, How long have you been marrieD?

 

Good advise overrall, I like your dedication. Keep them tips coming, Allah only knows how many husbands within this SOL community need to hear this.

[rudy-Diiriye]

ppl..plz if u cant swim dont enter the ocean!!

 

u telling me that u got married to have kids!!

wow..i guess u turn the lites off 2 Red-sea and yell the train is coming...and she shouts the lite is green...!

 

what happened to having that wild loving making sessions in tub, closeth, kitch floor or even the garage..>> and she waiting for your after work with hot meal and victoria secret outfit...yo yo!

 

talk to her! he kidding me!! u might as well surrender and wear the dirac homie. never be kind to a xalimo or your house will burn in HELL...!

[Jacpher]

Rudy, don't rush to the minyaro part. Red Sea will get to that in the second part of keeping your marriage strong.

[Strawberry_Xu]

Originally posted by rudy:

..i guess u turn the lites off 2 Red-sea and yell the train is coming...and she shouts the lite is green...!

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[Khalaf]

loooooooool@ Rudy....u are jowka....copyrighted of layzieg........man i heard dat too "dont be kind to xalimo"........u treat her good...she treats u like shit.......u treat like shit......she likes u.

 

looooooooooooooooooool@ Red shower together kulaha. what u been watching or reading man.

 

 

Edit: jokes aside since this is serious topic.....here are articles, audio on the topic.

marriage

 

why many marriages fail....i was told because they are not based upon the sunnah.

 

peaceout

[Urban]

^^i don't see anything wrong with that if they are both up for it..

[Khalaf]

^lol brah.......somali wa ilbaxhan

 

 

somalis are not romantic ppl man......dat is weak....i think that is reason we brothers dont do romance......because the sisters find that soft....even tho the prophet scw was kind/loving to his wives.....its unmanly for us.......n the fault is the sisters.

[Urban]

lol why man, why..

[rudy-Diiriye]

urban here is your link...! u sound like the type guys who have membership in this feminie store

 

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSSLPBABZZZ&cgnbr=OSSLPBABZZZ&rfnbr=697

[Urban]

^"oh my gah", that's like my home page dude. recommended

[Reality Check]

Yeah, you forgot to mention few factors like:

 

-Seeking pre-marital counselling.

 

-Finances----#1 marriage breaker

 

-don't have children if you aren't able to provide for all that they need to survive in these parts (I dont understand women that have 6-9 children, yet they are on welfare)

 

-Live TOGETHER (I know soooo many Somali couples whose husbands live abroad)

 

 

C'mon now Red Sea..it takes alot to make a marriage work.

[Pujah]

The marriages that fail are the ones where the couple claims to be seperated or divorced to collect welfare..while he goes off to another city to drive cab. Then the fight starts because they are both lonely and don't have the basic benefits of married life...then either both or one of them cheats and divorce becomes inevitable and the cycle repeats

 

[Shakti]

am i the only one who thinks divorce is a good thing?? Cmon.. u get to move on to ur suguntoo (#2).. u know?

 

i don’t understand why we Somalian are so afraid of Divorce. If u guys do not understand each other anymore, why waste ur time and energy on following some sort of counseling?? .... once ur significant person takes u to the level where u r forced 2 rethink about ur relationship, u tent to lose respect 4 the person and its all downhill from that point..isnt it??? … so I say, move on, instead of reviving a dead relationship…

 

If my hand-holder lacks me the consideration that I give him, than I don’t need a advise or book or counseling.. All I need is the knob to the outside door. bye-yo mr headache… hello mr rock my world

Life can be simple if pay no attention to tension….. Dr devilangle..

[RedSea]

^but luck of understanding between couples is what we are trying to avoid.Offcourse divorce becomes neccessary if the couples are hopeless with their marriage,but how NOT to get to that point is the point of discussion.

 

anyways,I don't think you want to get divorce,trust me it's not good,i have seen how some people go through...okay.You are young still Masha Allah,so I wish you have good,healthy,and long marriage with your "hand holder" lol.

 

Nor is it good to be single and live in a life where you constanly welcome and let go someone..it's easier to settle.

 

Lazygirl: sis,I am not married as of yet,but hoping to be married ASAP,this is an ancouragement for me as well.

 

Rudy: lol..funny,dude,listen the things you mention also belong in the list...so definately put them on.

 

Khalaf: we'll we need to show our ladies that we are capable of being 'romantic'.They are not use to it,but as they become familiar with it,they will love it...we just need to try it.

 

Pooja:yes,fights and family problems do occur,but how to sort them out is good thing to know..divorce shouldnt' be the solution.There are better alternatives in sorting out family problems,there are also better ways to avoid marriage.If the husband is cab driver,and thus he spends alot of time working and away from his family,then definately he needs to seek better career to save his marriage and life as well..spending good quality time with your loved one is very important in my opinion.

 

Reality Check: brother,marriage is complicated,but in this thread,the sole purpose was to assume if you were married the things to do in order to strenghten your marriage and avoid divorce.What to marry and what not,is differnt discussion,we may also discuss that as well.

 

You may think it takes alot to make marriage work,but I think it takes so much to make marriage not work probably.The Somali couples take everything litely and don't treat marriage as serious bussiness,however they assume since they are married,then they don't have to love each other,except when it comes to the bedroom...that is a problem.