hodman Posted February 16, 2006 lol at shuma irare ndani Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted February 23, 2006 Nice Jokes and for real Once, a HUGE Somali woman boarded on a bus and caused a flat tyre, right away. The woman went hysterical, and she kept on asking: “Maxaa dhacay…Maxaa dhacay…What happened...†I told her everything is fine, except the bus just got TIRED. Normally, you would see a huge Somali woman and next to her; her husband would look like a WALKING STICK. The Somali family is similar to the spider family. In the spider family, the female is huge and the male is small. So, every time I see a Somali family, I would say: “There goes the spider family.†Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MR ORGILAQE Posted February 23, 2006 The typical Giriama flirting Man: Mbewe yunareha na baba(come to papa) Woman: Kinyocho bee(asshole,piss off all in one) Man: Mbewe njoo nitakugwira mpaka ugwirike(i'll hump till you drop) Woman: Haya wee!(what!) Man: Tu gwiraane(let's hump) Woman: haya Bwana(ok my man) I heard this going on in The coast in a place called kaloleni way back and i havent forgotten it looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted February 23, 2006 Man: Tu gwiraane(let's hump) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted March 24, 2006 Nairobi In the 80's and 90's upto 98... Just Read This If you know about Kenya... The ‘80s music that we could access consisted of off-cuts from Top of the Pops, a German music show on VOK (remember that video they were obsessed with about Kylie Minogue in a spacesuit), an all-American music show (I think the Mickey Mouse Club or something), and VOK also used to show music videos in-between progis. I remember Stephanie Powers singing “The Power of Love†between Habari Kwa Ufupi and Vituko, and “STOP! In the Name of Love†before Leonard Mambo Mbotela asked us “huu ni ungwana?†in his progi. There were songs which embody the ‘80s like that song with the lyrics “pump, pump the jam, pump it up, why your beats are stumping..†There was also that song “Back to Life†(1990 I think) which was particularly poignant on the last day of the holls. Remember that song “teretetetere.. I love your smile,†and of course there was MC Hammer and that ‘running man’ craze. There was also ‘Take My Breath Away’ from the movie Top Gun, a Euro-pop song involving sailors, more Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan (singing “Too Many Broken Hearts in the Worldâ€) – anything they came out with was a hit because they were in Neighbours and personally if I missed even 5 minutes of a Neighbours episode I would raramika. Kienyeji songs included Mariru, Mumunya (both by Sam Muthee), Kamaru songs, Benga (like Daniel Owino – mnakumbuka that song “Shauri Yako.. shauri yako eehâ€), and I remember a song on Music Time by an elderly man singing “(something) (something) theremende.†Yvonne Chaka Chaka was also very popular, I remember Uquombothi (“wema sameni, wo uqombothiâ€) and a song about a DJ (“please, Mr DJ, I need youâ€). Aah then Lingala tokead. There were so many Lingala songs that I can’t remember them now, but I recall Kwasa Kwasa by Kanda Bongo Man. Other Lingala artists included Professor Namaan – that guy reportedly ate 30 eggs everyday. I also remember Tshala Mwana and Mbilia M’Bel; Lingala dancers used to be gymnastic and they followed that craze whereby women shaved off their eyebrows and drew a line starting above the eye and ending up in the forehead like antennae. I also remember Queen Jane and Them Mushrooms. At some point people’s music “collections†in the ‘80s (these being pirate cassettes) shifted from general or Europop stuff to RnB. I kumbuka Gladys Knight, Luther Vandross, Mariah Carey when she was shy (I still love that song ‘Always be my baby’), Chaka Khan, Boys II Men (wooii remember when their music hit Nai). Rap was also becoming popular – those were the days of Public Enemy, NWA, Heavy D, Kid & Play, Salt & Pepa. As the ‘90s ingiad hip hop and RnB became more prominent but in the ‘80s any song from America/Europe was considered to be okay. I kumbuka some weird robot-type electro/techno type songs. MJ dominated (“aauuâ€) as per kawa, as did people like Stevie Wonder (“I just called to say..â€), Michael Bolton, Prince (Purple Rain, 1999), George Michael (that song “never gonna dance again†always reminds me of those days in the mid 80s). Kulikuwa na saxophone obsession kubwa sana. Kumbuka Cyndi Lauper (“girls just wanna have funâ€), Whitney Houston with rainbow makeup (“wanna dance with somebody,†“one moment in timeâ€), Tevin Campbell of course – every chick had a crush on him, Will Smith/Jazz’s collabos “Boom, boom shake the room†and “summertime.†Aah those were songs we loved. When KTN ingiad there seemed to be an outburst of Kenyan musical groups. Kina Jimmy Gathu’s group (it had like twenty members) sang that song about road safety, Five Alive tokead, as did a group who sang about how “sorry depleted the mzungu’s ngombe;†there was also Swahili Nation. Oh and remember VOK/KBC bringing Taraab music on Sundays? That music was heavy on the ear with those accordion-type instruments and those mathes imploring us in conk Swaha, then the people in the audience would weka Ksh 20 notes on her. On Music Time there were Kienyeji songs involving a one-man-band: a guy would play a nyatiti, a percussion instrument, and also a flute at the same time. Talk about multi-tasking. Yenyewe I can’t really remember music being that great in the ‘80s. I think that Nai people our age only really began to get into music in the ‘90s when, everywhere you turned, kulikuwa na ‘ziki hata kwa mathree. Kina SWV, Jodeci, TLC, Bone Thugs N Harmony, R Kelly were big names. By then everyone was obsessed with the “latest music†(latest in as far as it arrived on that progi at 6pm KTN, or on Fred Obachi Machoka’s ‘Music Time.’ Hakukuwa na any radio stations for teenies as far as I can remember). I kumbuka kids being told ati “you don’t know who Keith Sweat is? Haujasikia the latest Babyface song? Aah weh mshamba kabisa.†We were also obsessed with dance moves; the last one I bothered learning was the “shuffle.†There was also a dance move which involved moving the shoulders pekee, another one involved twisting the feet on tip-toes. Woi how could I forget Kriss-Kross – what happened to them? Remember that song “Jump jump, mack daddy’ll make ya.. jump jump, Kriss-Kross will make ya.. jump jump.†They were pendwad by chicks sana. Aah- and New Kids on The Block!!! “Candy girl..†I think they sang. Also we didn’t consider Vanilla Ice to be uncool as a matter of fact “ice ice baby†and I also remember a male group called the “Spin doctors†singing “if you want to buy me flowers/ just go ahead now.†Rock in the ‘80s was quite prominent. I recall Def Leppard, Sting, Bryan Adams “everything I do..†(from the Robin Hood movie) and some song about “living on the edge†until there were storos in the press about Rock being the devil’s music and ati there were hidden messages hapo ndani so Rock kinda became unpopular in Nai. Also we were told that playing such records backwards reveals hidden, sinister messages?? As a matter of fact we were also warned against rap (too violent), RnB (too suggestive), Country music (erm Kenny Rogers had a beard), Lingala (too excitement-inducing), Kienyeji songs (too Kienyeji), so I guess our only recourse ilikuwa to hum our own music. were you there anyways Link Nairoberry Blogs... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mz-alpha-soup Posted March 26, 2006 Mbona umenikumbusha enzi zangu...oh the memories...usishau ma wimbo za Traci chapman, nilizi memorize zote.. how i thought i woz soo cool at the time..lol Nakumbuka kanda bongo man's 'kwasa kwasa'...whenever i heard that song from the kiosk near our house, i used to hide so that i can 'katika' like there is no tomorrow...lol..one day my mlendo cousin caught me katika-ring to that song and he woz like ' ala hadha sidaas u ciyartiid , uur ayaad qaadhani'....so being mtoi with no brains at the time, i went to 'madhe' (mum for those of you who are washamba from jua kali) and i woz like 'hoyo ni nini maana ya 'uur' and she woz like' why do you wonna know' and i explained that nilikuwa ninakatika to kanda bongo man's song and she woz like 'u were doing what??!!' mbona nika rialize i shoudnt have said that, anilichafua mpaka nikachafuka...lol i mean nilipigwa na 'akala' that i never katikered to that song again Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted March 26, 2006 ^you are crazy.... did she tell you about "uur" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mz-alpha-soup Posted March 26, 2006 Rendezvous....she didn't get to tell me about 'uur' seems my katika-ring bothered her more.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted March 27, 2006 Originally posted by MR ORGILAQE: The typical Giriama flirting Man: Mbewe yunareha na baba(come to papa) Woman: Kinyocho bee(asshole,piss off all in one) Man: Mbewe njoo nitakugwira mpaka ugwirike(i'll hump till you drop) Woman: Haya wee!(what!) Man: Tu gwiraane(let's hump) Woman: haya Bwana(ok my man) I love "nitakugwira mpaka ugwirike"..sounds Giuk ..Is that how they do it there over..Orgilaqe... like "Indee monii...Type" Msupuu... You make remember about "Kwasa Kwasa"..By kanda Bongoman..By the way..do u have anything about him online.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted April 6, 2006 Kenya fake air crash sparks panic Thursday, April 6, 2006; Posted: 4:30 a.m. EDT (08:30 GMT) 2.75% Fixed Student Loan Consolidation 70% lower student loan payments - fixed rate, no fees, qualify in one... www.nextstudent.com $145,000 mortgage for $484/mo Mortgage rates are still low. Compare rates - Refinance and save. www.lowermybills.com Donate Now - Food Saves Lives Your donation of $30 will provide $240 worth of food in East Africa. Help... www.worldvision.org More Useful Links • Baby Registry • Sporting Goods • Online Shopping YOUR E-MAIL ALERTS Air and Space Accidents Kenya Democratic Republic of Congo or Create Your Own Manage Alerts | What Is This? NAIROBI, Kenya (Reuters) -- Kenyan air authorities briefly sparked panic by announcing a plane coming from the Democratic Republic of Congo had crashed with 80 people on board -- then saying it was a practice drill. "It's a drill," Kenya Airports Authority (KAA) spokesman Dominic Kabiru told Reuters of Thursday's incident. Asked why KAA would briefly pretend, even to foreign media, that there was a real crash, Kabiru added: "We are testing our preparedness. We have to play a real scenario." Earlier, various KAA staff had assured reporters the plane had just crashed and was burning close to the airport. On repeated questioning, they gave flight and engine numbers. "There's a full emergency. An aircraft has crashed ... Engine No. 4 is on fire, there's smoke everywhere," an official at KAA headquarters at Nairobi's Jomo Kenyatta airport told Reuters minutes before Kabiru's comment. Emergency services rushed to the scene, witnesses said. Is this what Kenyans call "mock".. . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted June 7, 2006 Beat This, .... A Serb man set his car on fire when he heard how much he had to pay to reclaim it after it was towed away for illegal parking. "He went to his car, opened the hood and set the engine on fire. When it was well ablaze he got back on his bike and rode off," archives Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted August 30, 2006 This is not original, but imagine Archbishop Ndingi was conducting Mass and two hooded men, well armed, entered the church. One of them proclaimed: "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are." Immediately, the choir fled, so did the deacons. Out of 2,000 faithful, there remained only 20. The man took off his hood and looked at Ndingi, "Archbishop, I have got rid of all the hypocrites. You may now begin the service. Have a nice day." Would you take a bullet for Christ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sumaya3 Posted December 12, 2006 HAHAHAHA funny "virus into his veins and off he goes! He walks confidently to his cell(body)and tells his cellmates, pointing at the Executioner: "Abandu abajinga,shivamanyire khufwala ikondom!" (****** people, they do not know that I am wearing condom)." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Browny Posted December 31, 2006 Lool, they are all funny jokes...u had me laughing hard there! thanks! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
underdog Posted January 1, 2007 This is an Conversation between a Kenyan Policeman and an Innocent Citizen who simply happens to be walking home from work late at night. Karau: Gijana Untatoga wabi? Jina yago nani? Baba yago nani? Unataga nini? Gan you Broduce your ID? Basi if you gannot broduce your ID Wapi Gitambulisho? If you gannot broduce Gitambulisho Wapi drivers licence If you gannot broduce the three gavament tocuments Twende mbele! (But I am innocent….) Innocent gitu gani? Haguna mutu innozent Genya We gan charge you with anything Unataga gani? Smoking with violence Looging at a female gender with breach of gontract Looging at a government building zuzbiciously With indend to gommit murder Unataga gani? Unaweza gujitetea? Gitu gani hii? Ati fifty bob Hata haiwezi gununua jwing gum Toa besa gijana (…nibakishie bus fare) Ogay, You are a law abiding zitizen Unataga tuguzindikishe? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
