Human Prey

[Cara.]

I check The Onion religiously and this was the funniest "news" I've read there since they broke the story about dolphins evolving opposable thumbs.

 

Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected

 

January 17, 2006 | Issue 42•03

 

PERIL ISLAND—Big-game hunter Baron Hugo von Urwitz conceded Tuesday that his theory that human beings are the most cunning and challenging of quarry is seriously flawed.

 

"Perhaps I gave my fellow man too much credit," said von Urwitz, looking on as his servants carried three lifeless human beings bound to poles by their hands and ankles. "Admittedly, there are fewer kills today than yesterday, but only because the herd is thinning."

 

Bored with netting such elusive and dangerous prey as Bengal tigers, white rhinos, and Cape buffalo, the 51-year-old adventurer said he had thought it would be "capital sport" to hunt humans on his uncharted, densely forested private island.

 

"My huntsman's heart thrilled at the prospect of bringing down a live human, who alone in the animal kingdom has the capacity to outwit and even best his enemies through sheer intellect," von Urwitz said. "What I neglected to consider is that man is also alone in the capacity to tumble straight into quicksand while fleeing from a swarm of yellow jackets after trying to steal honey from their nest."

 

more laugh-out-loud details

[Johnny B]

Originally posted by Callypso:

the 51-year-old adventurer said he had thought it would be "capital sport" to hunt humans on his uncharted, densely forested private island.

 

Originally posted by Callypso:

"What I neglected to consider is that man is also alone in the capacity to tumble straight into quicksand while fleeing from a swarm of yellow jackets after trying to steal honey from their nest."

Is he demanding that we should be alone too in outwitting the tumbling into the quicksand , fleeing the swarn of yellow jackets and stealing the honey in one and the same act ?

[Cara.]

JB, I like to think that I survive better than overfed tourists whose idea of getting in touch with nature is watching tame lions from their safety-locked SUVs.

 

I spent my formative years lulled to sleep by the howling of hyenas. I'm sure I could outwit a few bees. If I liked honey, which I don't