SeeKer Posted November 19, 2005 WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,and still be afraid of a spider. MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this,yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she. ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! ) WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stup1d and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stup1d so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS" The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yeniceri Posted November 19, 2005 WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." Ouch. Okay, okay. I can't lie: I laughed, a little. But... God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. On behalf of the male species, I am truly offended. We're roughdrafts, huh. Payback time: Strange Ritual Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?" The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!" A Rabbi's advice (about nagging women) Man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously says, "Yes." "Take the poison," says the Rabbi. Three Men and Their Wives Three men are discussing their previous night's lovemaking. The Italian says, "My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we make wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes." The Frenchman says, "I smooth sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour." The Jew says, "I covered my wife's body with schmaltz [chicken fat]. We made love and she screamed for six hours." The others say, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?" He shrugs. "I wiped my hands on the drapes." Q & A Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends. Q: What is it called when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment Q: What is it called when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SeeKer Posted November 19, 2005 Originally posted by Jannisary: Q & A Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends. Q: What is it called when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment :eek: U mean I have to sue my future hubby everytime he says a lil sum suming Q: What is it called when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute Its all in good fun. I liked this segment cause it rung true. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Foxy Posted November 20, 2005 WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. absolutely hilarious CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stup1d and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stup1d so I would be attracted to you! ^^ classic, had me cracking up for a few minutes there.. cheers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soomaali-waalan Posted January 2, 2006 The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Very true, walahi. Just happened to me about 6 months earlier as I was leaving for the United States. My wife is in Yemen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
