checkmate Posted September 29, 2005 These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are > > > things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now > > > published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while > > > these exchanges were actually taking place. > > > > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > > > WITNESS: No, I just lie there. > > > ______________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? > > > WITNESS: July 18th. > > > ATTORNEY: What year? > > > WITNESS: Every year. > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the > > > moment of the impact? > > > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect > > > your memory at all? > > > WITNESS: Yes. > > > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your > > > memory? > > > WITNESS: I forget. > > > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of > > > something you forgot? > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living > > > with you? > > > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't > > > remember which. > > > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? > > > WITNESS: Forty-five years. > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband > > > said to you that morning? > > > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" > > > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? > > > WITNESS: My name is Susan. > > > ______________________________________ > > > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever > > > been involved in voodoo? > > > WITNESS: We both do. > > > ATTORNEY: Voodoo? > > > WITNESS: We do. > > > ATTORNEY: You do? > > > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a > > > person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know > > > about it until the next morning? > > > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > > > ___________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, > > > how old is he? > > > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one... > > > ________________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was > > > taken? > > > WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was > > > August 8th? > > > WITNESS: Yes. > > > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > > > WITNESS: Uh.... > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? > > > WITNESS: Yes. > > > ATTORNEY: How many were boys? > > > WITNESS: None. > > > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? > > > WITNESS: By death. > > > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > > > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had > > > a beard. > > > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning > > > pursuant to a deposition notice which > > > I sent to your attorney? > > > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies > > > have you performed on dead people? > > > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on > > > dead people. ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? > > > What school did you go to? > > > WITNESS: Oral. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you > > > examined the body? > > > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > > > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? > > > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering > > > why I was doing an autopsy on him! > > > ______________________________________ > > > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > > WITNESS: Huh? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the > > > autopsy, did you check for a pulse? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient > > > was alive when you began the autopsy? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > > > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my > > > desk in a jar. > > > ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been > > > alive, nevertheless? > > > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been > > > alive and practicing law. _ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MR ORGILAQE Posted September 29, 2005 Checkmate thanks for that i havent laughed like that for a while loooooooooool Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
checkmate Posted September 29, 2005 Ur wlc my brother. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baluug Posted September 29, 2005 LOL that was some good sh*t Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Legend of Zu Posted September 30, 2005 LoooooooooooooooooooooL..I dunno how many times I have seen this but with everytime zi cracks me up. hehehehe Cheers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nuune Posted September 30, 2005 lool, very funny indeed, ismaba dhaamaan the attorney iyo witnesska, waa ummad kala daranba Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jacaylbaro Posted October 1, 2005 LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ,,,,, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beduine Posted October 1, 2005 aaaaaaaaaa hahahaha I need breath, my favorite was where you present when your picture was taken,,,,lol no I was sleeping and i died but i dident notice until the next morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Posted October 3, 2005 Loooooooool This shit had me rolling walaahi. The attorneys and witnesses are both dumbasses in the US. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Krupt33 Posted October 6, 2005 CheckMate you just wasted 2min of my time.. plz dont do that agian. just bullshittin fam. you made my day. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking Posted October 7, 2005 All this apparently hapenned in Kenyan courts, this version seems shorter than the ones I've seen before. Were you present when your picture was taken Only in Kenya! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
