Seeking Paradise Posted April 8, 2005 Sticker Shock A lady walks into a shop that sells VERY expensive Persian rugs. She browses around, then spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, madam. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely rug?" In a rather uppity up, matter of fact tone, the salesman replies, "Madam, this is one of our finest and most expensive rugs. If you farted just by touching it, I quite imagine you will probably shit when I tell you the price. -------- Damn Women Drivers Driving to work this morning on the Interstate, I looked over in the left lane and there was a woman driving 70 miles an hour in a Mustang, with her face up in the rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple of seconds, when I looked back she was half way over in my lane, still putting on that dang makeup. It scared me so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car with my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone from my ear, it fell into the coffee between my legs and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!! Damn Women Drivers! --------- MEN!!!!!! Long but good. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them off! Then, one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl which had the turkey innards, neck, gizzard, liver and any other spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She picked up the bowl and quietly crept upstairs to the bedroom and very gently pulled back the bed covers, pulled open the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband wake up with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, with tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had gotten him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in badly stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But, by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nephissa Posted April 9, 2005 Loooooooooooooooool Thanks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SeeKer Posted April 11, 2005 Lmao....................I like the last one about the guts...............Hehehehehe Good one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emerald Posted April 12, 2005 "by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in." OMG, :eek: OUCH...that must have hurt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baluug Posted April 26, 2005 And then she won't want the rug because it's covered in sh!t hehehehehehe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
