REAL JOKES...Nigerian airline..

[RendezVous]

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways.

 

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

 

This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed , but we will end up somewhere in the South. If luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

 

Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists like osama are afraid to fly with us!

 

It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.

 

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

 

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits!

 

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

 

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

 

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

 

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

 

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat ... and for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase." ]web page

 

YOU ARE WELCOME ON BOARD!"

[Jabarjaan]

looooooooool this is reminded me somali airline

[Salma]

^^ Exactly, except that in Somali Airlines you don't hear any captain talking @ all. You figure out everything by yourself

 

Isnt funny after all this mess they ask you to choose their airlines again for another flight?! As if we have other choice ( :confused: )

[checkmate]

LooooL

 

 

asxantu

[RendezVous]

>>>>>over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.

 

Where did the others go...

[runawayvirgin]

X100000000000!!

[somalilegend]

looooooool that is funny bro,...even osama is affraid to fly with us

[Waranle_Warrior]

Our safety standards are so high that even terrorists like osama are afraid to fly with us!

 

 

Heheheeh good try

[RendezVous]

Did you realize that even the real nigerians don't fly with their own airline..

 

Ask any nigerian freind which airline he uses for his flight, he will tell you Emirates, Ethipian airlines or Britsih airways..

 

Is there a reason for this..

[nuune]

it was long time since I came to the joke section, but this made my day, I never laughed so hard for some time

 

Some Somali airlines are crazy, they even put cargo stuffs in the passenger seats, so when the plane is making a turn the stuff may fall and the passengers may have watch out in case anything falls to them.

 

 

But one thing for sure,

 

many Somali airlines are 100% safe, so you can fly with them, now most somali companies have modern Aircrafts with no engine noise

[finestsista2005]

Thanks Rendez, it is funny.

 

 

I'll start telling this joke to peeps...thanks

[RendezVous]

You all are welcome..

 

Get yourself together and Board a Nigerian airways flight..

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"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways.

 

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

 

This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed , but we will end up somewhere in the South. If luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

 

Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists like osama are afraid to fly with us!

 

It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.

 

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

 

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits!

 

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

 

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

 

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

 

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

 

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat ... and for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase." ]web page

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YOU ARE WELCOME ON BOARD!"