IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 A man with red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." Oh dear! the doctor exclaimed, "What happened to the other ear?" and the patient said, "The same man called me back Doc". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 A man was in court to divorce his wife. Judge: on which grounds are you divorcing her? Man: I don't care; it can be Highbury, Old Trafford or even Anfield all I want is to divorce her. P.S Highbury,Old Trafford and Anfield are soccer stadiums in England. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 A tourist arrives at Mombasa hotel, checks in and tells the desk clerk to send up a bottle of good champagne and a woman to his room. In a short while, someone knocks on his door. When he opens it, there stands a pretty lady in a Salvation Army uniform. He looks surprised, but invites her in. she says "You asked for a lady, didn't you?" he says "Well, yeah" so she begins to get undressed. When she is almost undressed, she stops and says "By the way, are you married or single?" he says, "I am married" so she immediately puts all her clothes back on. "What now?" the poor tourist asks to which she replies "We cater strictly for the needy, not for the bloody greedy." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q:Why did the French woman put a make-up on her forehead? A:Because she wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? A: Because they don't have Balls to scratch. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q: Do you know why they call it a Wonder Bra? A: because when you take the bloody thing off, you wonder where her double d's gone! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q: How do you know when a man is going to say something clever? A: he starts his sentence with "My Girlfriend Says". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q: What did one Ghost say to the other Ghost? A: Do you believe in Humans? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q: Why did the undertaker bury his driving licence? A: because it was "EXPIRED". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q: What is the difference between Genealogist and Gynaecologists? A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family Bush. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 A husband bought his wife an expensive gift for their wedding anniversary, so he rushes home and screams for his wife from the garage. Husband: Honey, today I will finally be able to make you happy. Wife: Why? Are you leaving? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Did you hear about the X-ray specialist who married one of his patients? Everybody wondered what he saw in her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Yesterday's news headlines: a homeless man fondled a Nun jogging at the park! Today's news headlines: Hundreds of Nuns are jogging at the park. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 A man was prosecuted and the judge asked him "don't you need a lawyer?" To which the man replied, "No, I don't need any, I am going to tell the truth! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IL CAPO Posted October 19, 2004 Q: Why couldn't the peanut butter cross the road? A: because there was a traffic jam. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
