shida ya matatu ni furaha ya mabaya

[Warrior of Light]

Jamani nimeona kimya sana, muda umefika ku-revive this thread any interesting african / swahili jokes??

 

Nakuleteni another swahili production, msinimeze tu from another naive coastal Mwinyi.

 

>>>>Ivalishe koti

 

Alipoulizwa sababu ya kuzaa watoto wengi, jamaa akajitetea "watoto ni matokeo ya mipango ya Mungu, siwezi kuzuia!!".

kijana mmoja akamwambia, "mvua pia ni mipango ya mungu, lakini inapozidi tunavaa makoti kujilinda nayo, hivyo na wewe ivalishe koti "kifaa yako" watoto wasizidi"!! jamaa akabaki na kigugumizi(stutter)!

[MR ORGILAQE]

Twajua we mtoto wa "Lift Varrey"

[Warrior of Light]

^^ Mie siyo jamani, nice try.

 

>>>Kuwahi

 

Kulikuwa na wamakonde wawili Train Station wakisubiri Train Kwa bahati nzuri ikapita train wakakimbilia kwa bahati mmoja akawahi mmoja akabaki

Yule jamaa akaanza kucheka watu wakamuuliza unacheka na hali ya kuwa umeachwa, akasema nnacheka kwa sababu yule aliepanda alikuwa ananisindikiza mimi

 

Kama siyo uwendaazimu nini??

[MR ORGILAQE]

Na Hiyo Ni "maendeleo"

[Warrior of Light]

^^^ Yapi hayo ndugu? Hebu fafanua

 

 

Mambo ya Wahaya Bukoba (wenyewe wanakuita BK)Tanzania

 

Rugaimukamu: Hivi Rweyongeza, kare katoto kako Gozbert kako wapi siku hizi? maana nakumbuka karikuwa dull darasani mwenzake Albert ni daktari bingwa sasa!

 

Muchunguzi: Ee Albert kumbe ni mtaaram

 

Rweyongeza: aa Gozbert yupo, yeye kazi yake ni kuwahudumia wagonjwa warioshindwa na madaktari bingwa!

 

Rugaimukamu: mmmm

 

..................................................................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ........................BAADA YA Rugaimukamu kuondoka

 

Muchunguzi: Eee Rweyongeza,nirishindwa kukuuriza mbere ya Rugaimukamu,sasa kama Gozbert anahudumia wagonjwa warioshindwa na madaktari bingwa yeye ni nani?

 

Rweyongeza: Aaa unajua Ka Gozbert hakakusoma hivyo kanachimba makaburi!

 

 

>>.kosa la mwizi

kulikuwa na jamaa moja alikamatwa kwa kosa lakuiba sasa siku ya kesi akenda mahakamani wakati kesi yake inasomwa na jaji yule jamaa akawa anasinzia basi akatumwa askari ili ame chai askari akaenda mpiga kibao sasa yule jamaa akashituka na yeye hakukubali akamrejeshea yule askari basi akaambiwa na jaji unakosa la pili la kumpiga askar yule jamaa akakataa lile kosa akasema mimi kaja nipa chai na mimi nikamrejeshea kikombe chake nisije ambiwa nimeiba bure

 

 

Mpemba Ingenuity

 

Young guy from Wete (Pemba) moves to California and goes to a big

department shopping complex looking for a job.The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"

The Mpemba says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in Zanzibar."

Well, the boss liked the Pemba Boy so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you

did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down."How many sales did

you make today?"

Mpemba says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."

The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people

average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd

better be doing better than just one sale.

By the way, how much was the sale for?"

Mpemba says: "$101,237.64"

Boss says: "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"

Pemba boy says: Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.

Then I sell him medium fishhook.

Then I sell him large fishhook.

Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast,

so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating

department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took

him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.

I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no

accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.

Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about a $100

worth groceries nd two cases of beer.

The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a

fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

Mpemba says: "No Bwana, actually he came in to buy a box of tampons

for his wife, and I said: Well, your weekend's scr*wed, you might just as well go

fishing!"

[MR ORGILAQE]

Hala!!! we umekuwa boring sasa zile zaa kwanza ilikua safi!!

[Warrior of Light]

^^Samahani kama nimekowa boring sasa

[MR ORGILAQE]

we mtu wa bongo nini?

[Warrior of Light]

Ndiyo, lakini nai pia ni kwetu, mabeste kwa wengi

 

Wewe je? Mbongo,mkenyati au mganda?

[Warrior of Light]

Lost in translation,

 

kulikuwa na mzungu mmoja alikuwa na njaa.katika pita pita yake akaiona hoteli kuingia kwenye mhudumu akatokea na kuanza kuongea kama ifuatavyo:

mzungu:i need rice and meat(nahitaji wali na nyama)

mhudumu:kwa kweli raisi kwa sasa hivi huwezi ukampata kwa sababu yuko chini ya ulinzi na miti nitaenda kuchuma haiko mbali.

mzungu:are you crazy(wewe ni chizi)

mhudumu:mimi sio mkurugenzi wa hoteli hii

mzungu:son of the b1tch(mwana haramu mkubwa)anamwambia maneno hayo huku akiondoka

mhudumu:mimi so mbishi mzee hujanielewa tu

[MR ORGILAQE]

WORRIOR OF lIGHT mi mtu Wa Mombasa

[Warrior of Light]

Poa, mtu wa coast.

[raula]

nntawarudia wakati nyingine..lakini WofL...huyu salesman ni hatari kabisa..

 

later

[Jacaylbaro]

Heedhaha ,,,, maad naga daysaan Sawahili gan oo wax aanu garanayno ku hadashaan ,,,

 

by da way ,,, i only know two words from Sawahili ,,, should i tell you ??

 

Kuma and Mboro ,,,,,

 

that is all ,,,

[RendezVous]

"Lift Varrey"

...ati Reft Varrey....we sasa umekuja karibu na kwetu beste...Rift Valley..

 

WOL ukisikia wakenya wakisema .."na hio ni maendereo"..wanam enjoy the former pressy..Moi alikuwa akipenda kusema ..na hio ni maendeleo akiona vitu zimempendeza..ama zimshtua..

 

Rakiini...?wein bint Raula..mowjood wala eeeeee?Tokea beste nimekumiss..