The Observer. Posted January 25, 2005 here is something someone sent me, loool ONLY KENYANS > >1. Are engaged for 5 years or more > >2. Never bother to divorce, they just separate > >3. Are late to church, work, and everything else EXCEPT when the >club is free before9pm > >4. Refer to diabetes as " SUGAR" > >5. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday parties >with a new outfit on with nails and hair done but no gifts. > >6. In relation to #5, they eat like parking boys and take the >plate home > >7. Consider 'clubbing' or 'henging' as a monthly expense > >8. Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind for surviving >relatives. > >9. Borrow money for a wedding. > >10. have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE >ENTENCE e.g. "Lord, give me strength because I'm about to knock >the hell out of this child" > >11 . Spend the car insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting >the dent fixed. > >12 invite co-workers and all of their friends to their child's >1st birthday party which happens to have a professional DJ with >only about 3 kids (including the child) in attendance. And then >expect the guests to "changa" for the bash. > >13. Start every sentence with "Me I..."e.g. "ME I donno why you >are saying that I always say 'Me I'. > >14. Say ''Spend' when they are staying the night elsewhere from >home, e.g. "Are you going to spend at her place?" > >15. Put in iron rods in all windows and main doors...referring >to them as ''Burglar'' > >16. Use "Ngai" as an exclamation mark e.g. "Ngai, what are you >doing?" > >17. Believe "Ati" is an English word for "What?" > >18. Think it is cool to drink and drive and get away with it "I >don't know how I got home that day..the way I was soo drunk!" > >19. Think all their economic and social problems are caused >by"Moi" when in fact some have never been to school. > >20. Pack up all their earthly goods to go to "shaggs" for a week >in December, only to pack them all back again after that one >week And return to "Tao" > >21. Call travelling "flying out" e.g. She flew out (no one ever >seems to wonder where all these Kenyans fly to) > >22. Think that taking a clerical job in a company is better >and"cooler" than toiling in their parents' family business. > >23. Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to toiling in their 20 >acre tea farms in Kenya. > >24. Call their homes "at ours". eg "At ours, we eat Githeri >every day" > >25. Complain for five years about poor governance and corruption >then vote in the same clowns back to parliament. > >26. Had a chief Justice who has no law degree! > >27. Go on strike for one day and expect the govt. to resign! > >28. Sit back in their homes and expect their MP to "bring >Development" > >29. Refuse to insure against anything and expect you to >bankroll them when calamity strikes... thro' Harambee. > >30. Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man drives them in >a ramshackle at breakneck speed to certain death. > >31. Drive with their windows wound up when they get to city >centre because of 4 year old brats armed with human feaces, and >still claim to be free people! > >32. Think its cool to say "I AM MOBILE"while they can only >afford fuel on pay day! > >33. Buy the biggest fridge in town but its always half empty. > >34. Get 'mob kidos' to name after all their 'relas' then >complain that they are always broke. > >35.Have sex or make out with people they call Friends > >YES ONLY KENYANS!! > >Have a Kenyan day-wont you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted January 25, 2005 Typical kenyans.....doh Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted January 25, 2005 Observer 16. Use "Ngai" as an exclamation mark e.g. "Ngai, what are you >doing?" > >17. Believe "Ati" is an English word for "What?" hehehehehehe kenyans have the crown for this..man..I have this Jango(Mjaluo)kichaa who always when I see him in campus says.."Ati" in every sentence..loool..but I use Ngai sana.... N'wayz glad you guyz enjoyed sana hizo manyimbo... Observer-hiyo nyimbo called "macho"by Leo band...aisee lazima nikate naye kwa wedding yangu..yaani vile nilisikia hiyo nyimbo..I was intoxicated till this day Iam so hooked to this song and the lyrics are as we americans call it "sick" We Rende-sikiza kama wataka kofia ya DJ you have to earn it skillz zako ni za KARIOBANGI hata mlendo-mswa wanna-be hatafahamu zako aisee..sare hizo zako kama ulikuwa DJ wa ma3 (matatu for those not from Nairobi) #6...loooooool... Orgi & SisSade-thx again and Enjoy. Its been long pia mie sijasikiza vitendo vya kinyumbani. Ma'salaama nyote-nawatarajia afya na kila la heri. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted January 26, 2005 It's an outstanding business that you did here Raula, lakini one thing for sure,Some of the ZANZA links were defective and outdated >I mean when you ping on those links, the Network returns unresolved terminal points. Ati nani alikuwa makanga... To call a fellow nomad (on commenting if you also work as a part-time Zanze DJ..in the hoods) That must be really disgusting!!!!and irritating...and still waiting kuolewa ....I must pray I won't be the MC Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking Posted January 26, 2005 >3. Are late to church, work, and everything else EXCEPT when the >club is free before9pm I recall back in the days the stampedes at Carni every Sunday at 8:59pm Reminds one of Serengeti. >13. Start every sentence with "Me I..."e.g. "ME I donno why you >are saying that I always say 'Me I'. Me I never realised until someone pointed it out some time back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted February 3, 2005 observer hio kali. wonder what the tanzanian will be like? Asante Heres another swahili joke. Akili za mswahili. Lakini kidogo rated. Titled:Mtoto akai na nani? pale mahakamani mama akadai yeye anastahili kukaa na mtoto kwani ndie alieemleta duniani kutoka tumboni. baba akadai mwenye haki ni yeye. alipotakiwa atoe sababu akamuuliza hakimu, "bw. hakimu, nikitia coins(pesa) kwenye mashine ya kuuzia soda, ile soda inapotoka inakuwa ni mali ya nani?" akajibiwa, "yako". akaendelea " ikiwa hivyo mimi nilitia ....... kwa mke wangu akatoka mtoto, hivyo ni wangu"!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted February 3, 2005 wariyahe..tupeleke mosmos..this are G-rated not kidogo rated...ati nani alitiwa.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted February 3, 2005 ati anatia tu-kwani manzi ni machine huyu fala wa kibera sare zake wasee wa mathere north ndio hupima mke hivyo- sasa ingebidi tuone majibu ya judge-kama majibu ni baba alee mtoto-huyu judge basi mkikuyu Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted February 4, 2005 Hi kitu si bure...lazima uchote:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted February 8, 2005 ^^kitu gani kitu chenyewe unaweza kunukua from JUA KALI ya RIVERROAD VIKING-Me thinks you are chezaring Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted February 12, 2005 Chekini hizi mchongoanos of the year:-nilipata kwa kenyan website moja. 1. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukikalia pavement miguu zina hang kwa hewa. 2. Tv yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha. 3. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot. 4. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus. 5. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror Hollywood. 6. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind. 7. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao kuna round-about. 8. Nyanya yako ni mjinga mpaka alifail blood test. 9. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft mpaka kupata driving licence ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school. 9. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch. 10.Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool. 11.Kwenyu nyinyi ni mababi mbaka dogi yenyu hu-bark na tweng. 12.Ati siku moja ulitembea kiatu ikaisha, ukaendelea kutembea mpaka miguu ikaisha hadi kwa magoti. 13.Mko wengi kwa hao mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam. 14.Wewe ni mshort unatokanga kwa bed na parachute. 15.Wewe ni mrefu mpaka ni wewe huongezea jua makaa. 16.Chali yako ni mkonda alibloiwa na wind mpaka S.Africa na hana passport. 17.Shingo yako ni refu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala. 18.Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa. 19.Wewe msupuu mpaka unafanyanga miti ikuwe confused kwa barabara. 20.Unapenda kuvaa nguo za color mingi mpaka chameleon ikianguka kwa nguo yako inapata black-out. and finally 21. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza ..Munatuona!!! Haki ya Ngai-hizi zimeniua kabisa-made my weekend. Mjiburudishe basi wenzangu. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted February 12, 2005 11.Kwenyu nyinyi ni mababi mbaka dogi yenyu hu-bark na tweng. 17.Shingo yako ni refu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala. and finally 21. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza ..Munatuona!!!....ama? We Raila Odinga... oops Raula..pole jo..haki hii imenibamba jo...TENK YOU!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted February 15, 2005 ^^^sasa we kishana wa rondon sasa si diyo hiyo matusi cheki wacha kunicheki hivyo kishana wa rondon-this is the difference btwn me and u:- huyu ni we- Wewe ni mshort unatokanga kwa bed na parachute. Nami huyu Wewe msupuu mpaka unafanyanga miti ikuwe confused kwa barabara. sasa diabie tuta erewana aje kishana wa rondon ok-basi narudi kula OMENA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted February 15, 2005 wasee wa bongo-sikizeni asemaye huyu mmasai Mi Ni Masai by the Tribesmen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking Posted February 16, 2005 raula, I told you about this dude some time back in this thread and even gave you a link(s) where you can hear his songs...he is called Mr Ebbo. Look at page 2 of this thread. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
