Dating a Kenyan Woman

[Mombasa_QUEEN]

salam caleykum?

 

KIKUYU WOMAN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends(Support group) a real expensive dinner.

Third Date: You get to pay her rent and all her bills.

Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you!

 

LUO WOMAN:

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

 

LUHYA WOMAN:

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes Ugali and Ingokho.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat Gold ring.

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of

ever having sex.

 

6th Anniversary: You find yourself a new girlfriend.

 

MERU WOMAN:

First Date: You get dynamite head.

Second Date: You get more great head.

Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

 

SOMALI WOMAN:

First Date: You fill out the mandatory family questionnaire listing all your assets.

Second Date: You go out to the park with her and her whole family comes along.

Third Date: She claims she's a virgin and refuses to have sex with you.

Fourth Date: She makes up for the past ten years of sexual deprivation in one night. You're rushed to a hospital for exhaustion.

 

KISII WOMAN:

First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home. She gave you the wrong address.

Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.

Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.

 

KALENJIN WOMAN:

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.

Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.

 

 

MAASAI WOMAN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens again.

Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is going to ever happen.

 

INDIAN WOMAN:

First date: Meet her parents.

Second date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third date: Wedding night.

 

KAMBA WOMAN

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Guiness, and have sex in the back of your car.

Second Date: She is pregnant.

Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in Machakos.

[raula]

lol..I guess so much for the "Maendeleo ya wanawake"..but Ingokho na ugali reminds of back home

[The Observer.]

aisee, where u got your facts girl?ni maendeleo namna hiyo sasa? i thought the maasai girl doesn't need any expensive dinner, but buy her a herd of a cattle and the shal wed.au siku hizi ni modernized?

[raula]

aisee na we-wafikiri tuko qarni ya 'homo Erectus'(lol-reminds me of my GHC class )..basi, hata mmasai ameerevuka lakini wameru ndiyo 'wamechanuka' basi' eh

[The Observer.]

haha, i guess not, sawa, naona maendeleo,

its all good,

[Paragon]

Lol@Maendeleo ya wanawake. Na sikuhiyi wanawake wa-ulaya na umarekani wanatueleza ya kuwa kuna kitu kiitwacho " Feminisim"... Sasa raula sistee mwaeleza hawa 'se westan waldi' tushazipita this so-kord feminism zamani za 'kaaree'

 

'homo Erectus'(lol-reminds me of my GHC class )..

Homopithicus, the homo sepiens, the homo sipien Neandertalensis lol...or the ones before them..the Austrolopithicus ramidus..the more you continue the more stranger they sounded ..the Austrolopithecus aferensis, the Austrolopitheens Africanus ..what the hell do they mean with the lust one? I wonder why the hell archeology was put of our syllubus. The fascinating subject for me was - geophraphy in secondary school. Or atleast I like the terms used when rocks were involved.. the ignious rocks or the human remains found in Olduvai Gorge of Tanzania!

Remember the 4K Club? hehehe - Once I was a proud member. For me, by then, it equated to KGB or CID.

 

 

The aisee brings back memories walaahi

 

PS: I hated school

[Mombasa_QUEEN]

lol jamani we on 2004 and there are alot of change and hey u remind me of G.H.C lol its been 4yr since i havent heard of that.

[raula]

lol..Jamaal "proud Member of 4K club" me too men. Yeah, if it wasn't for Marekani-I would be running for Asst. Prime Minister of Agriculture-Remember Soil erosion, contour plowing, Terracing, Hybrid Vegetation? etc..lol

Yeah, I used to carry the touch in my school for Geography too, especially once they talk about physical features, climate, rivers, Lakes etc..walaahi GHC imenisomesha kweli kweli. Masomo iko Kenya, lakini one will drop out because of the harsh punishments

 

Basi wakenya, who used to drink "Maziwa ya NYAYO "...lol..not KCC & Gold Crown..eh! ndo maana tumejenga(thank u CARAB MOI)

[Mombasa_QUEEN]

loooooooooooooooool@soil errosion i hope i got the speeling right anwayz yup what about craft class lol thats the worst class i hate and i used to love when shanzu teacher used to come in men i miss back home but memories are goos once a while.

[The Observer.]

lol, queen, i was just playing, i know tuko karne ya 2004, basi tena wamaasai walivyoendelea nowadays wanashika chati ya hiphop-rap. lookout for mr.ebbo with his hit Mi Maasai a taste of BongoFlava.

[Mombasa_QUEEN]

lol its ok observer watu wamedeleya siku hizi.

[Delilah]

LMAO, i loved the indian one!!!

[Mombasa_QUEEN]

lol historian.

[RendezVous]

I was once working in Machakos...and it is true....They do it sana...

 

Mombasa Queen...About the Somali kenyan lady...then what happens after that........ ...JAMAA ALIZIMIA.... wacha nichekeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

 

 

All kenyans are HORNY...the degree only differs

 

Ibraheem's

[Pacifist]

thanks Queen

Lmao

 

Geography was my favorite too

I am seriously losing my touch in swahili i forgot almost everything

Am becoming a Molendo Sana

 

Kwaherini