Married the wrong guy.

[Haatu]

Allow ceebtanada astur. Some things shouldn't be shared, even anonymously online.

[N M1508736706]

I couldn't reply back to your comments cause this page don't approve new members I guess, I had to register again.

I really appreciate all your comments/advices. No I'm not expecting but he really wants to have a family asap, I'm avoiding which makes me feel guilty everyday. Yes I did mistake, I do pray a lot to find peace of mind. Psychology says, "never give up something you want, it's difficult to wait but more difficult to regret"

I gave up my happiness instead waiting, I rush into something horrible. It's not fair for both of us I know that now.

I tried to make him to do things I'm attracted to but I failed. He likes his world and he don't find anything wrong with that. He is Scorpio and I am a Gemini, means milk and oil, you can't mix it. I'm not into zodiac signs much but sometimes they do make sense. What I don't understand is how he loves me so much even though he admitted we don't have anything common what's so ever still he finds me attractive???

The fact is I can't leave him, how can I leave him; my mother and father adores him and his family. They laugh and enjoy each other's company. My mother is traditional Somali mother, she believes forever marriage. Why we Somali ladies are different from other females in this world is, we start life living for someone else. First was our parents, we do everything to please them, then our beloved husband comes along, like it or not you please him too and then we become mothers, we live for our children. There is no ME in this life journey, maybe hereafter I can live for ME. Raised in Europe, living like I never left Somalia.

[Miyir]

Are you trolling us lady? what happiness you gave up? you knowingly get married to spineless dude you so happily torturing.

[BestCaseScenario]

NM,

 

If your husband didn't have anything in common with you, you would not be friends with him before you two got married I think. People become friends when they see in each other something they share and common to them. Now, what is important is what are those shared interests.

 

- Music

- Movies

- Sports

- Food

- Books

- Culture

- Religion

- Vision

- Country and People

 

Just to name a few. Out of what can bind two people, the best interests are the ones that do not change overtime. Music taste changes, Movie interests can vary, you really can not hold someone against loving action movies for example while you prefer stupid effite indian movies etc. Just saying. Some interests/hobbies are not really a good judge of someone's worth as a human. Many good people have no common interests with us yet we come to value them for their generosity, spirit, knowledge, etc.

 

It would be immature to expect someone to love the same music you do and or movies you like to watch. I personally don't give importance to what a woman listens to or watches, if they align to my interests, fine, if not, she will have her private time to enjoy that. And if she wants me to get in on the act with her, and I don't like it, I will tell her "absolutely not". Yet, I would expect from that same woman with the lousy taste of music to love me as much as I love her. Why? cause love should not be based on trivial interests to begin with but on someone's decency and worth. Their personal quality outside interests that are not important to life's joy and sustainability.

 

Anyway, I also messaged you some ideas as to what you can do. Enjoy life while you can, you don't own tomorrow.

[Bluelicious]

@NM

said:

I couldn't reply back to your comments cause this page don't approve new members I guess, I had to register again.

I really appreciate all your comments/advices. No I'm not expecting but he really wants to have a family asap, I'm avoiding which makes me feel guilty everyday. Yes I did mistake, I do pray a lot to find peace of mind. Psychology says, "never give up something you want, it's difficult to wait but more difficult to regret"

I gave up my happiness instead waiting, I rush into something horrible. It's not fair for both of us I know that now.

I tried to make him to do things I'm attracted to but I failed. He likes his world and he don't find anything wrong with that. He is Scorpio and I am a Gemini, means milk and oil, you can't mix it. I'm not into zodiac signs much but sometimes they do make sense. What I don't understand is how he loves me so much even though he admitted we don't have anything common what's so ever still he finds me attractive???

The fact is I can't leave him, how can I leave him; my mother and father adores him and his family. They laugh and enjoy each other's company. My mother is traditional Somali mother, she believes forever marriage. Why we Somali ladies are different from other females in this world is, we start life living for someone else. First was our parents, we do everything to please them, then our beloved husband comes along, like it or not you please him too and then we become mothers, we live for our children. There is no ME in this life journey, maybe hereafter I can live for ME. Raised in Europe, living like I never left Somalia.

 

Reading or believing in horoscopes is commiting shirk in case you didn't know and your prayers won't be accepted for 40 days.

 

Loving someone doesn't depend on having things in common. It's normal if your partner doesn't share your personal interests/hobby. Not everything is meant to be done as a couple as you also have personal time for yourself where you do something you like or enjoy for your own personal development and to recharge. You can love a person while they are the opposite of you.

 

@BestCaseScenario

said:

NM,

 

If your husband didn't have anything in common with you, you would not be friends with him before you two got married I think. People become friends when they see in each other something they share and common to them. Now, what is important is what are those shared interests.

 

- Music

- Movies

- Sports

- Food

- Books

- Culture

- Religion

- Vision

- Country and People

 

Just to name a few. Out of what can bind two people, the best interests are the ones that do not change overtime. Music taste changes, Movie interests can vary, you really can not hold someone against loving action movies for example while you prefer stupid effite indian movies etc. Just saying. Some interests/hobbies are not really a good judge of someone's worth as a human. Many good people have no common interests with us yet we come to value them for their generosity, spirit, knowledge, etc.

 

It would be immature to expect someone to love the same music you do and or movies you like to watch. I personally don't give importance to what a woman listens to or watches, if they align to my interests, fine, if not, she will have her private time to enjoy that. And if she wants me to get in on the act with her, and I don't like it, I will tell her "absolutely not". Yet, I would expect from that same woman with the lousy taste of music to love me as much as I love her. Why? cause love should not be based on trivial interests to begin with but on someone's decency and worth. Their personal quality outside interests that are not important to life's joy and sustainability.

 

Anyway, I also messaged you some ideas as to what you can do. Enjoy life while you can, you don't own tomorrow.

 

Great answer I agree with you.

[Miyir]

Blue/Bootaan

 

Well meaning advice bordering a masaajid wacdi, is that what the young lady wants to hear?

 

N M

 

Its hard to please everyone same time, there is a many way to manage and everyone have a different way of dealing with it, what I have seen that works in your sitution if you decide to continue the charade, get a bad/discreet guy at the side and get your kicks off, the husband and family will be happy too.

[BestCaseScenario]

Miyir,

 

 

It is not so classy to give an advise to a female along the lines of what you would not tell your own sister and female relative. I do have women in my life and I care about their emotional well being and dignity, therefore, despite my male instincts of wanting more female tenderness and plenty of it, logic prevails always and I have to do the right thing instead of being instinctual. I am for polygamy, good thing Islam limited the numbers, but if it was more(no limits), I would co-sign on it too. Despite that love for women and stamina, I would not advise a female to get her kicks off the way you suggested. Sex is good and best by doing it without guilt conscience. It comes with risks and unwanted consequences sometimes, it is not worth destroying your life, or invite an emotional upheaval doing it illicitly on a continuous basis. It eats into people's conscience. And those who view it lightly and do as they please lose that part that makes them a worthy human. Life is not all about Sex. It makes life great and makes you appreciate your form and the female's form and body. But that is not all in life.

 

PS: Since the admins did not address my request of letting me use my username "BestCaseScenario" instead of my name appearing on posts, I am calling this place quits already. Unless they notify me that they either changed my username to BestCaseScenario, or they fixed the bug that is causing this. If there is no accommodation on their part, it means they don't care. I haven't blinded myself reading books to be ignored I am worth more than they can imagine, so they better address this, or this place will be sleepy nomad town with only boredom to greet visitors.

 

This is my last two cents on here. Take Care Now.

[Bluelicious]

@Miyir

said:

Blue/Bootaan

 

Well meaning advice bordering a masaajid wacdi, is that what the young lady wants to hear?

 

N M

 

Its hard to please everyone same time, there is a many way to manage and everyone have a different way of dealing with it, what I have seen that works in your sitution if you decide to continue the charade, get a bad/discreet guy at the side and get your kicks off, the husband and family will be happy too.

 

Yes Miyir

 

So Miyir cheating is your best advice huh that's crazy. Let me guess you're a bad guy. How would you like it if you were the one getting cheated on?

 

@BestCaseScenario

said:

PS: Since the admins did not address my request of letting me use my username "BestCaseScenario" instead of my name appearing on posts, I am calling this place quits already. Unless they notify me that they either changed my username to BestCaseScenario, or they fixed the bug that is causing this. If there is no accommodation on their part, it means they don't care. I haven't blinded myself reading books to be ignored

I am worth more than they can imagine, so they better address this, or this place will be sleepy nomad town with only boredom to greet visitors.

 

This is my last two cents on here. Take Care Now.

 

Lool @ ''I haven't blinded myself reading books to be ignored. I am worth more than they can imagine, so they better address this, or this place will be sleepy nomad town with only boredom to greet visitors.'' Dude you're funny and feeling yourself too much.

 

Bootaan Diirshe I found the solution to your problem, you don't need the admin anymore. Click the following link while you're logged in.

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/profile/maamule/

 

This will bring you to a page where you can edit your profile. On the top part of that page under website you will see a name, change that to match your display name that you can see at the lower part of the page. In your case your display name should be BestCaseScenario. Hope that was helpful to you. You welcome

 

Stay so you can share more of your wisdom with us

[Miyir]

Bootaan

 

First, you have the coolest name, you should thank your parents.

 

back to the topic, lol I will definitely give the same advice to my sister, knowing my sister I wish she was a little bit more people pleaser lol

 

The poster wants to continue the charade, we are her cyber friends not her social friends nor family no judgement from us is up to her what she takes on board. this is the only way I see she can get some solace in her predicament.

 

Blue

 

I have no fear lol why will I be in a relationship in first the place someone not attracted to me? weird, If I happen to end up a Kink lady she better has a good looking girlfriend's lol

 

[Tallaabo]

@NM

I have got an idea!!

Since you are desperate to put an end to this disastrous relationship without being the one responsible for the divorce and without hurting your adoring husband's feeling, do the following tricks.

1. Tell your husband that your sex life as it is is very unsatisfactory and that you have a fetish which you want to bring into the relationship. At this stage do not disclose anymore information about your sinister intentions.

2. As the poor guy starts wondering what your fetish is about, start wearing full cat woman style leather suit and other kinky garments every night for your husband. He might like this or he might not but this is just the start.

3. Next go to a sex shop and buy a whip, chains, dog collars, and a manual for the alpha dominant female sex machine. Tell him that you want to chain him to the bed and whip him. He will resist "your insane idea" but that is the whole point of this trick, so don't request it but demand that he obliges.

4. If he agrees to being dragged around the bedroom with the dog collar, getting chained to the bed and whipped regularly then you will proceed to the next step.

5. Go back to the sex shop and buy a strap-on dildo then demand that you penetrate him. This will probably be too much for him but do not compromise. Make it clear to him this is what turns you on and nothing less will satisfy you. If he can't continue with your crazy nightly show, he will most likely ask for a separation.

[Bluelicious]

Miyir - She can still cheat on you even if there's mutual attraction. Some people are just cheaters the grass is always greener at the other side for them. You're a cheater lol.

 

Tallaabo - Lmao, oh em gee!! You so nasty i'm speechless. That will give both of them a heart attack since she described herself as a conservative.

[Miyir]

lol @Talaabo one of the best post ever,

 

I can't get out my head NM wearing leather catsuit strapped with dildo and with Shabaag chasing the poor husband around the bedroom!! I bet money this will work and NM will have to come back again more talo.

 

Blue

lo still no fear at all, hard to explain.

[N M]

Lol some of your comments made me laugh and some made me very sad cause it's true. Someone said "I'm a people pleaser" which is exactly how I would describe myself.. Weakness...

So lately I have been trying to make it work for our family sake, well he doesn't complain at all its me I've been working on but then I find myself having conversation about him marrying Second wife. The idea made him very angry and he said he will never divorce me even if I beg for it.. I didn't even mention divorce or separation and we were not arguing...Hmmm I felt like he just murder me.

@tallaabo I'm terrified mate, your fantasies are scary lol.. He would send me probably to Quraan Saar then give me a divorce. Someone mention that is easier to talk free about my feelings on this blog, it's true I personally find very helpful reading your comments.. Negative and positive ones...

@Miyir I don't think cheating will solve my emotional breakdown and give me the peace I'm looking for. You should never cheat in any case, unacceptable in my books.

Miss Bluelicious gives a good reply

 

[maakhiri1]

Good luck, but make decision, before you get kids, as it will way more too difficult.

 

It is normal , we humans make mistakes, make a list of pros and cons of this marriage, and decide to end or move forward!

 

 

[saafinuura]

Salam Aleykum Sister, I hope your situation is much better than before. I pray Allah make your affairs easier.