Some NFD Somali women are marrying Kenyan bantus. The families fight back.

[Mooge]

SOMALI WOMEN SUFFER FOR WANTING INDEPENDENCE

 

As northern Kenya continues to grow vibrant with more communities heading to the region for business and employment opportunities, so has the lives of Somali women changed as new ideals, cultures and faith are introduced to various northern Kenya counties.

 

TUKO.co.ke spoke to five women who continue suffering to date for making life choices said to go against a common tradition in the Somali community.

 

The five, whose names have been concealed to hide their identity, spoke of stigmatization and being ostracized for choosing to live lives that were not part of their culture. Here are their stories:

 

Halima, 18, has a five month old son. She is happily married to an army officer from Western Kenya after their random meets whenever the officer made his rounds close to her home stead in Wajir in 2013 brought them close.

 

Things were however not always as rosy because her family eventually denounced her for this love she chose.

 

“I fell in love with him, and after some meets and us talking, we eloped. My family condemned me and now I have no contact with them whatsoever. We now live in Nairobi but I very much wish for my mother to meet my son and bless her even though he is not a 100% Somali child as she would have preferred,” cried Halima.

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In the Somali community, it is somewhat frowned upon to intermarry with different non-Somali communities. More so for the women who end up being treated harshly while the men are even encouraged to chase after non-Islam women in order to convert them.

 

Non-Somali citizens derogatorily referred to as ‘adomeys’ are believed to be forces sent to erode the religion and culture of the Somali if they mixed with them.

 

Amina, 28, was also shunned after being mercilessly beaten by her family members when she was caught in a room belonging to a teacher from Western Kenya in Mandera town.

 

“They tied me up and whipped me for sleeping with an adomey. They even called a sheikh to pray for me because they believed he had bewitched me,” said Amina.

Speaking to a cleric from the town, we sought to know why such drastic measures were being taken against Somali women who fell in love with non-Somali men.

 

“Highly conservative families feel that they would lose their dignity and pride if their daughter consorted with a non-Somali man. It does not mean that Somalis and Islam does not accept the relationship, it just means that it might become acceptable if the man eventually converted to Islam if they wanted to continue with their relationship,” explained the Sheikh.

 

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To escape such cruel punishment meted out for falling for an ‘adomey’, Khadija’s daughter opted to run away from home and left her twin sons behind, a product of the illicit love affair she has with a police officer.

 

The thirteen year old boys currently live with their 60 year old grandmother while their mother works in Nairobi as a miraa seller to send money back home for their upkeep.

 

“The children look like they are five years old because they are malnourished. My daughter never really breastfed them due to the shame that forced her to run away eventually,” explained Khadija.

Their biological father has never been seen nor heard from since learning of the pregnancy.

 

While these women’s ‘transgressions’ only related to falling in love with people unacceptable to their cultures, the next three women continue to pay an even higher price for their life choices which saw them contract HIV.

 

Sadia, 34 made the conscious decision to be a commercial sex worker. She refused to get married as were other women in her community and opted to target the police stations and military camps in Wajir to make some money.

 

“Unfortunately I contracted HIV in 2003 and life became difficult. I couldn’t access anti retro-viral drugs for my disease without experiencing hostility from other quarters. I was treated with contempt at medical facilities and most times I had to hide my drugs so that no one would know what I was suffering from,”said Sadia.

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Despite it being an open secret that she was a prostitute with two children and a late husband who died in a tragic road accident, Sadia experienced exclusion whereby she couldn’t access public facilities because people believed she would infect them with her disease.

 

Residents from Wajir to date believe that HIV can be spread through touch or sharing utensils and other facilities.

 

According to Somali tradition, Sadia broke traditions by choosing not to get married to one of her late husband’s relatives, or even any other man in her clan which brought her shame in the end.

 

But for Zeinab, 30, apart from being infected by a foreign tourist at the Coast, she had to take on casual laboring to make ends meet.

 

“I worked as sex worker and I contracted the virus from one of my clients. I had to return home to Garissa where only my family knows my status to date. For this they stigmatized me and I had to find jobs such as cleaning homes and cooking in order to make ends meet,” said Zeinab.

 

As she had no children or a marriage record, by going into prostitution, Zeinab continues to be considered a pariah for being unmarried at her age without giving reasons as to why she chooses to continue being single.

 

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According to some of the views taken from Somali men, expectations placed on women were there for their own good in the long run.

 

They believe that a woman is to be seen and not heard, and 99% of most families in conservative areas expected their girls to be married and settled down by a certain age.

 

While some might consider this as an imposition or oppression, these six women opted to defy their culture beliefs and traditions for their own interests.

 

They have highlighted the intense relationship dynamics in the Somali community, while other women choose to defy tradition for bigger purposes such as higher education to escape early marriages.