underdog Posted December 1, 2003 >>Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words >>back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a >>few people who did.... >> >>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked >>loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned >>around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a >>word... he knew better. >>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >>I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was >>unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several >>minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works >>at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at >>him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." >>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >>My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety >>of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind >>the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking >>at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, >>and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never >>let me forget. >>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >>While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release >>some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her >>after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told >>her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. >> >>To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as >>threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I >>saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" >> >>The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the >>tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity >>and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard >>when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. >>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >>Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My >>three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on >>him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in >>between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying >>my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my >>seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny >>had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, >>and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an >>accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are >>you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that >>he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. >>Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" >> >>This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his >>cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly >>choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and >>sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best >>laugh they'd ever had! >>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >>This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very >>embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think >>before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get >>any....a true story... >> >>We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have >>snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's >>that 8 inches you promised me last night?" >>Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were >>laughing so hard! >>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
