Why we are not married yet?

[xabad]

Gooni, we have the highest fertility rates in the world.

 

Surely we can slack off.

 

Westerners and Asians have gotten the code, so why can't Africans get it ??

 

Having kids is not an achievement, even homeless people have them.

 

They are not a blessing, if you can't feed them.

 

its time we let go off these old paradigm which prioritizes surplus human beings.

 

We have enough young people who have no jobs and livelihoods, who are dying trying to reach Europe.

 

 

[Bluelicious]

<cite>

@gooni

said:</cite>

Thank you encouraging me and support my English class I wish am your neighbor lool

 

You're welcome Gooni

 

What do you mean by you wish you were my neighbour?

[gooni]

What else I can wish an educator lady, just apply her as driver maybe I will maintain the car very well, and improve my language skills.

[Bluelicious]

<cite>

@gooni

said:</cite>

What else I can wish an educator lady, just apply her as driver maybe I will maintain the car very well, and improve my language skills.

 

[gooni]

haha wonderful song that means you reject my application never mind be cool always.

[xabad]

^ hehe gooni out here looking for wife no 3

 

 

[Bluelicious]

Lol Gooni I know right such a cool song makes me laugh everytime I hear it. No worries it's fine.

[galbeedi]

Sister Bluelicious, no one is perfect or complete except Allah (swt). The idea is that partnership in a marriage means sharing life's joy and hardship together. Since you seem to be eloquently stating the merits of religion in seeking perfection, Allah says " We put mercy and love among husband and wife". I also agree that maturity is required for young people to tie knot.

 

No matter how advanced humans might seem in their technological lives, marriage is a time honored institution that bring strange souls together.

 

My only advice to those seeking marriage partner is to follow few important principles and less trivial matters. The person you looking must share your values , faith and your outlook in life. if that issue is settled, you can adjust all other things. For an educated women , the future husband must be compatible in terms of education or at least must have basic understanding of her world. For men, we could even marry the maid with no basic education if she had the female qualities of loving wife and caring mother.

 

Then again some people are too smart to get marry. Also, selfish people do not need to share . I do not want to bad mouth these young people especially the men, but I always thought after certain age, the thought of marriage is in the minds of the young men and women.

 

Some times, the thought of second wife, like brother Gooni was contemplating is in our minds to fill these vacuums. Heck, sometimes when I am pushed too much by my wife, I would say " Naag labaad in aan iska guursado ayaa I haysa" . she will then say " Please go ahead, " Walaahi waxba kama qabee Maantadaa soo meheri waanan kugu taageersa nahay". some of you fools may think she is consenting for second wife or she doesn't care about " Minyaro", but she means over my dead body.

 

The average life expectancy of a Somali is 60-65 years. Life is short , do not spend it for being lonely and with regrets.

 

Good luck.

 

 

[Bluelicious]

Galbeedi you misunderstood or didn't read what I said clearly. Nowhere did I advocate for seeking perfection for there is no such thing as perfection. In fact it was me who said the following on page 1:

 

" There’s no perfect person we all have imperfections, flaws and emotional baggage some more or less then others. We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. I respect a person who’s got the courage to tell their weaknesses and strengths. Who’s not afraid to tell how messed up and broken they are. Emery Allen put it beautifully.

 

You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world. – Emery Allen "

 

That's so true that some people are too smart to get married I wanted to mention that aswell but somehow I forgot. I find myself being too smart to get married reason being I just know too much and therefore I can't settle down with certain people who have certain characteristics and personalities oh hell no. The less you know about dangers and people the more people you would accept them due to you being oblivious. We see that around us all the time that's how life is.

 

For the rest I agree with everything else you said except the second wife bit. You think of a second wife? Tut tut tut... you gonna end up dead lol. In this time we live in many men can't even support their first wifes let alone take a second. I find it a laughing matter to be honest if someone is rich it's understandable but not when you're a average Joe or poor and let the government take care of your second wife because you weren't man enough. Often times for a person to think of a second wife there's something lacking in his first marriage or being avoided that's just a fact. Men who have happy good marriages don't think of a second wife because they content and fulfilled.

 

Indeed life is short therefore we should spend it with the right person instead of the wrong person and in order to do that you should weed out all the people that don't match your vibe.

 

What's a minyaro? Do you mean the nikaax gift?

[Tallaabo]

<cite>

@Bluelicious

said:</cite>

What's a minyaro? Do you mean the nikaax gift?

Minyaro is the glamourised term used to describe the under age victim of sexual abuse by a fat, ugly, bald, 50 plus year old, useless father of a dozen kids who abandoned his long suffering wife and children.

[galbeedi]

indeed you are smart . Your points are well taken. I probably did select those statements that fit my argument. To get or choose the right person, you must cross the line. I mean you must have the courage to dream. Some times, when you are in love, your judgement could be clouded.

 

When I was about to be engaged , I did have some difficulty with my wife's family. I was madly in love and thought without her the world meant nothing to me. It was the best decision I made in my entire life.

 

Few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends and we were discussed about a mutual friend who was divorced many years ago. he is in his late fifties. I said " since he is successful and well to do financially, why not get a wife ?". He said " by now the lust of physical intimacy is not that high as a young person, he is seeking someone compatible especially more mind than the body". I understood what he meant.

As you age, you will not be following your heart but your head. The courage to take certain risks will diminish, you will easily detect imperfection from the opposite side, and you will be consumed by the fear to fail.

 

If he is caring, series and shares your values, you must add your few senses and lead him in to prosperous future, if you are smart as you say. Smart women could prefect an average man. AS we say " Haween baa rag is Dhaafshay". I do not know about today's generations, but Somali women have always been strong in terms of advancing the family.

 

By the way, the second wife thing is just " booto" as they say in Xamar. Those us in the diaspora have full plate to even think about " Mintaro ( wife # 2). Successful people get married and they stay married.

 

Finally , you can not have both worlds. successful career and great family. The pendulum must swing in one way. It was good talking to you.

[Bluelicious]

Yeah you have to be bold and courageous and take a shot at love and not be afraid but yet many people are afraid of love. I used to be afraid of love too in the past not anymore though.

 

Your friend is right about being more interested in someone's mind then their body as you get older. Too bad he realised that in huis 50s and not sooner, hey better late then never. Beauty fades away and your mind doesn't. At the end of the day it's all about who makes a good companion for you with their beautiful character/personality and beautiful soul years from now. If you have found such person from the start hold on to that golden person and never let go. Personally I find a beautiful mind and soul sexy, I don't care that much about looks beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyways.

 

Galbeedi my friend you can have it both, a successful career and a good family it's not impossible. Lastly thank you for your advice towards me and my search I appreciate your wise words and life experience. Was nice chatting to you aswell

 

<cite>

@Tallaabo

said:</cite>

Minyaro is the glamourised term used to describe the under age victim of sexual abuse by a fat, ugly, bald, 50 plus year old, useless father of a dozen kids who abandoned his long suffering wife and children.

 

Thank you Tallaabo You described them so accurately. I despise such men.

[Mooge]

^^ Tallaabo wants to see your reaction. lol. don't fall for his tricks. he is exactly what he described himself but want to see how Blueleey insults people like him. haha.

[Bluelicious]

Mooge i've always been against second wife and those homewrecker men. Have always stated my opinion nothing new here. You just found out about it lol.

[winnie]

Hi SOL nomads, salam aleykum

 

 

My problem is two fold. One, I deal with passive aggressive co workers. I seriously do not know how to deal with them. The work gossip has gone to a ridiculous level that the manager had a meeting about it. The response? More gossip. How did I find out? A passive aggressive comment, of course. This one was directed at me and suggested that I am the tattle tale. Meanwhile, I know there has been talk about me but I don't care enough to address it. I don't value these people's opinions. Which brings me to my second problem, how to live with dignity.

 

I am an anomaly.

 

I am also familiar with bullies, and being different then the crowd but as an adult, there is the expectation to treat situations and people like a sensical, capable adult would.

 

Anyways, without going into detail about my life, I feel like I do not belong in this world. I feel like a stranger wherever I go and this feeling is so pervasive it is affecting my health.