Classical definitions and Cool meanings

[Paragon]

I got the below writing as an e-mail fwd, i thought i should share it with you nomads.

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> > Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:<<

 

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

 

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

 

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

 

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

 

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without

passing through "the minds of either".

 

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

 

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

 

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

 

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

 

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

 

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

 

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

 

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

 

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

 

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

 

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing

individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

 

18. Experience : The name men give to their

mistakes.

 

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

 

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

 

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

 

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

 

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

 

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

 

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

 

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

 

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.

 

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late

and late when you are early.

 

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

 

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

 

 

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[Macalin]

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

 

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

 

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."...........

 

This is super Nice