George W. Bush Resume

[Tony_Montana]

Past work experience:

 

Ran for congress and lost.

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Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

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Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went

bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

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Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took

land using tax-payer money. Biggest moves: Traded Sammy Sosa to the

Chicago White Sox. Over paid A-Rod by many millions. Wrecked

baseball salaries FOREVER.

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With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

 

Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and

made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles

with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and

bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed

money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American

history.

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Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes,

with the help of father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

 

Accomplishments as president:

 

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Attacked and took over two countries.

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Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

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Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

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Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month

period.

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Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

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First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

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First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

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First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation

by any president in US history.

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After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over

the worst security failure in US history.

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Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other

president in US history.

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In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

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Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any

president in US history.

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Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

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Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any

president in US history.

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Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any

president since the advent of television.

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Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than

any president in US history.

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Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to

intervene when corruption was revealed.

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Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to

use the national reserves as past presidents have.

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Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

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Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously

take to the streets to protest (15 million people), shattering the

record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

(http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)

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Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

 

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Presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US

history.

 

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Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US

history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an

Chevron oil tanker named after her).

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First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union

simultaneously go bankrupt.

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Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in

any country in the history of the world.

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First president in US history to order a US attack and military

occupation of a sovereign nation.

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Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of

the United States.

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Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases,

more than any president in US history.

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First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US

from the human rights commission.

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First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US

from the elections monitoring board.

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Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of

congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US

history.

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Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

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Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

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Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by

default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

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First president in US history to refuse United Nations election

inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

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All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign

donations.

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My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the

largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay,

former CEO of Enron Corporation).

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Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US

history.

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First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation

against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

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First US president to establish a secret shadow government.

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Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than

a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the

biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

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With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile

Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

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First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe

(71%) view his presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and

stability.

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First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more

threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

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Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government

contracts.

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Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who

violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding

for government contracts.

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Failed to fulfill pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

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Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of

our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I

have no leads and zero suspects.

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In the 18 months following the 911 attacks has successfully

prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in

the history of the United States.

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Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other

president in US history.

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In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades,

possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

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Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less

than two years turned every single economic category heading straight

down.

 

 

Records and References:

 

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At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving

record has been erased and is not available).

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AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.

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Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

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All records of tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away

to fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public

view.

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All records of any SEC investigations into insider trading or

bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public

view.

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All minutes of meetings for any public corporation served on the

board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

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Any records or minutes from meetings (or VP) attended regarding

public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public

review.

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For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker

(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for

war-profiteering.)

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