Looking for Mr. right

[Saxansaxo]

You've been given many good advices sis. One can meet good somali brothers through different social events, voluntary work in the muslim community, the mosque, Muslim student associations, weddings etc. Recommendations are good, as galbeedi mentioned. However, one needs to be careful, since not everyone will have your best interest at heart. That's where trustworthy male relatives also comes in hand. I know of sisters that did not have large social networks, had hardly any somali friends and thought they'd never meet a good somali brother. But by the grace of Allah met good somali men, while others had large social networks, knew many somalis yet couldn't find their mr right. Timing is everyting. May Allah swt make it easy for you walalo and grant you a good brother.

[galbeedi]

Ragii ma adigaa Ka Hadhaye, Runti Manigaa ka Baqayee....

 

I know everyone must get marry with the Will of ALLAH and one his/her time comes. It seems times are changing. Of course some are in school and want to finish their educations , others do not consider themselves as mature enough, while others never want to grow or refusing to grow.

 

The biggest hurdle in marriage used to be lack of employment . When I was in high school most of the teachers and other young men were unable to marry, because they couldn't feed a family. I remember seeing men who came back from the gulf ( Janaaleyaal), always marrying the best girls, while the guy next door couldn't afford.

 

Again time has changed. I thought every young man especially those who are between 24 to 28, were a desire to tie the notch . When I was at Gahayr in late eighties, my biggest dream was always " When am I going to marry a young Somali girl?". It was a constant thought. Because of the lack of opportunities in Somalia, it was tough.

 

Today , I see young people who are both capable of earning income, which means double income in the early times before children, yet kept postponing or not finding their match. I am willing to put the blame squarely on these young men who are still wearing their pants down.

 

Marrying a Somali has a lot of advantages. Guys, I will tell you if you are interested ....... any way Waajibkiina qabsada... Ragii ma idinka ka hadhay..

 

[Sighnomore]

So a follow up question say I do meet a Somali guy in the future and he asks me out on a date? Should I go? My mum thinks I should and that no guy these days would marry a girl without going on Western dates! I'm more conservative than she is and I think it would be wrong for a hijabi to be seen out on a date? I know a couple of girls who married without ever going on a date but those girls were Arab? So how is "dating" looked at in the Somali community and among marriage minded men?

[galbeedi]

I can feel you are a decent and God fearing sister who want to settle down in the right way. We all know what is lawful or unlawful, but here the intension is good. It will be difficult for young man to come home without the expectation of marriage. Since you asked us again I have to spill the beans. My nice who is 29 years old, Who moved from the east to our home, was exactly wondering just like you. " Walaahi I swear to Allah, I am not Exaggerating". In her case a family member found a guy whom he works with. We told her about the guy who is interested and the first order was to bring him home and introduce to her. It was Ramadan , so We had "afthir" together, and after little chat , we gave them some privacy to know one another in the living room.

 

Things went well, so they decided to continue. On our side we made sure he is not involved with any drugs, alcohol or other bad behaviour things and he is gainfully employed or studying.

 

Since they both seeking marriage, few extended talks are necessary. so ,They have to meet few times outside the house, but it was always a daylight, mainly malls or Starbucks. In one occasion , even my wife went with them. For my side, Other than the first encounter , I am behind the scene , mostly cheeking background. Since all went well , we want to do as soon as possible. " Meher iyo aeoos mar la is raaciyo". Some people may fell in love for whatever reason, but , the main concept is Alaah says we put mercy and love among the husband and wife.

 

This may look an arranged marriage, but, it was up to them to decide. What I mean is if you meet somebody, it is difficult for them to come to your house first. Forget about movie or similar thing, but meet them in public places, if he shows to be someone seeking a marriage, invite him home in order for him to see your family values. The honor and respect he receives from your family may lead some reluctant guy to proceed with lawful marriage rather than waste your and his tine. Fools who are not series will disappear quickly. Show dignity , be a good listener, show caring and Be respectful. At the same time respect yourself, because Those who are interested in marriage will respect you. Talking to people with respect is not a bad thing. I know being conservative is a good virtue that will eventually pay off.

 

you are looking honor, so, don't be shy. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

[Sighnomore]

Thanks again, inshallah kheyr! I think I'm going to hold steadfast and follow your advice! It's nice to have a male perspective seeing as I don't have a dad or any brothers. My paternal uncles are xasid and seem loathe to see me do better than their own children. Quite unfortunate. My older female is cousin is 29 this year and they don't seem to care about her situation at all! Despite her wanting to marry and expressing such a interest for several years now!

[Tallaabo]

^ Another good way of getting a suitable partner is to spend your holidays in Somalia, Somaliland, or the other Somali regions of the Horn. There are many, many good natured, hard working young men in those places who might be right for you.

[Khayr]

So how are you going to find a Somali man with three degrees and within your limitied age bracket(26-31)? lol

 

[Sighnomore]

I never said he had to have three degrees? But the guy who I wasted six months on had three degrees and fell in that age bracket? He sorta just fell out of the sky and unto my path. Right now I have three 20 page papers, a presentation and work. Inshallah. When I have some free time I'll take a walk about and see if it's raining men again?

[somalee]

Somali families/friends can be a great source. Met my wife (A distant cousin herself) through a close family member. You need to befriend more Somalis, get to know more of your extended family members and chances of being introduced to a good Somali man will increase.

Last but not least, pray to Allah. Since you are a young woman who is seeking halal marriage, Allah won't let you down.

[somalee]

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@Tallaabo

said:</cite>

^ Another good way of getting a suitable partner is to spend your holidays in Somalia, Somaliland, or the other Somali regions of the Horn. There are many, many good natured, hard working young men in those places who might be right for you.

 

This is very true and a sound advice! I personally know some amazing brothers in the horn and Kenya. Young professionals in their mid/late 20s with 2 degrees mostly.

[Sighnomore]

Thanks for the advice walaal but my family will not allow me to travel to Africa. No one to accompany me (they're pretty disconnected from all things Somali) and no immediate family in said continent!

[Hasina]

Firstly sis, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you, I know that women are made to feel inadequate if they aren't married by their 20s. However being married at certain age doesn't mean anything because we all have different journeys in life. Patience pays off in the end. All the best with your studies and inshaAllah you will find a wonderful Somali husband oo ku qalmo. Ameen.

[Sighnomore]

Thank you for your kind words sister. When I made this post I did so because I was heartbroken and angry. I was led on and lied to by a predatory and morally bankrupt man. I think the experience has considerably worsened my trust issues. Inshallah one day I'll be able to try again. I recently found out [after meeting and communicating with a nice man] I'm still too hurt and distrustful to start this process again.

[Abdi]

I can relate to your situation but bringing to a halt your chances of meeting a better person is never a good idea. That Mr. Right or Ms. Right might be that person we are locking out. Unless we give it a try we may never know how it will end. May you have the heart to give it a try.

[Sighnomore]

Inshallah I will have the heart to give it another try, someday. As of now, I'm just going to focus on my studies. I really don't have time for a relationship right now, I brush my teeth in the shower to save time! The last several weeks have been gruelling, I've never been so panick stricken and overwhelmed in my life! Thank god for extensions and understanding profs! Working+School=:*( I'm going to finish up school and do some travelling--traipse around the world with some of my friends! Just going to focus on fulfilling some personal goals and aspirations! I plan on continuing my education and getting a PHD! Inshallah!