Looking for Mr. right

[Sighnomore]

It's late and I'm in my feelings. So I'm sorry if this comes off as desperate. I'm just at my wits end! I need my Somali sisters to give me some advice! I'm on the fast track to spinsterhood y'all. I'm looking for a Somali guy, one who is serious and ready for marriage. What I'm looking for: Deen, good character, height, a university education, a young professional. Between 26-31

 

I'm 26, I have two university degrees, currently working on my Masters, pretty, kinda whitewashed, hijabi going on three years, I pray five times a day, not the greatest cook. I didn't grow up around other Somalis and my mum is no help on this matter. I'm estranged from my dad's family (he died when I was young). I have two Somali female friends both date out and are no help either. I have never been on date or has a boyfriend. I talked to one dude but he was a liar and wasted six months of my life. So girls where do I meet a good dude and how can I differentiate a serious prospect from a time waster?

 

 

[Sighnomore]

Please don't dm me anyone I'm not trying to find a guy on here, just looking for advice!

 

Ps. No Somali guys in my program. And all the guys who look at me on campus are toddler status.

[burahadeer]

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@Sighnomore

said:</cite>

 

 

Ps. No Somali guys in my program. And all the guys who look at me on campus are toddler status.

 

 

 

Why?that gave you away!

you lack experience and honesty because of that...more than 90% of Somalis marry their own and if you looking others I'm sure they the great majority of where eva you live.Seriously I doubt you can handle if you see nice one because of your above words and need to be ova 35 to regret.

you kindo detached, you haven't seen beautiful couples strolling in Somali major towns where you would think everyone is dirt poor.You are no different from otha western women bitching in every magazine on who they couldn't find Mr Right even when they have the richest,most educated and civilized men on this earth.Its a woman Virus.

Good luck whateva you choose...

[DoctorKenney]

Have you tried expanding your social circle? Most Somali couples I know met through mutual friends. Like a Somali girl meets a guy she likes through her cousin or her close friend, and they end up marrying shortly after. So maybe you should expand your social circle, meet new people, and even travel to other Somali-dominated cities.

 

So if you live in Minneapolis for example.....than visiting Toronto, Ottawa, London, Virginia, Ohio and other places might be a good idea.

 

One of my good friends got married to a Somali girl from Seattle, and their relationship is amazing mashaAllah. They lived on opposite ends of America, and he met her through his cousin when he was on vacation in Seattle. The rest is history

 

But I really think the first step is to expand your social circle. And if you want to distinguish a time-waster from a serious marriage-prospect....then you need to look into this man's past. I know it's not good to judge people by their past, but if someone has a history of behaving a certain way, then you should have your guard up at first. And this may sound unusual, but tell the man strictly no intimacy, no kissing or anything intimate like that. Sometimes, a man will pretend to be serious about marriage and then he will get intimate with the young woman, and then once he's bored with her he will leave her. I've witnessed it happen many times, and it's always the same pattern. So draw these strict boundaries, be cool, be yourself...but at the same time make it clear that you're an adult woman and you don't have time for teenage games. Keep testing him, ask him questions and see how he responds so you would know what his intentions are.

 

Best of luck in the future

[Che -Guevara]

Since Somalis might not do it for you,

 

I would advise you to join Muslim student groups, Muslim marriage sites or your local mosque, I am told that's nice where good Muslimah meet brothers with good deen.

 

 

My advice to you, there's no such thing as Mr Right, your list of desired attributes in "Mr. Right" is very long and you are rushing yourself with all this spinsterhood talk.

 

I wish you all the best with your quest!

 

SOL ladies, please help the sista with a good advice.

 

 

[Bluelicious]

Sister you're still young don't make yourself old. Whatever happens never lose hope in yourself and God. Be patient as whatever is destined for you will happen and will not miss you. Never put an age and time on wanting to get married as in doing so you're sabotaging yourself and setting yourself up for failure which is a recipe for disaster. Sometimes people forget that things don't happen on our time but on God's time. You may for example want to get married at 26 that's your chosen time but the destined time from God could be 28. Always trust God as he knows best what we need and has our best interest. You may dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you.

 

If marriage is indeed destined for you then you must know that 50000 years before the sky was introduced to the sea God wrote down your name next to your future husband. So in order to find him you will need to work on your relationship with God. There's alsways room for improvement and inshallah the right person will come in to your life at the right time. By connecting with God he will guide you to the right path in meeting that person as only he knows who that person is and where they are. People tend to forget this. People could go to many places and meet many people but still not meet the one because he/she isn't there and they couldn't know that before hand.

 

A time waster lives in the present and only thinks of having fun and getting his desires met by wanting intimacy. Marriage isn't included in his long term goals and therefore will not want to contact your wali but instead keep things a secret.

 

A serious prospect not only thinks of the present but also his (near) future. His long term goals includes marriage and when he's serious about a woman he does things the right and halal way by contacting her wali. Which shows he doesn’t wanna play with the woman and respects her.

 

The fastest and easiest way to know whether a man is serious about you is; does he want to contact your wali. If he comes up with excuses or doesn't want to that's a red flag get rid of him.

 

Hopefully this was beneficial to you. Keep your head high, keep smiling and do you as you are on the right track for finding mr right

 

[Sighnomore]

I want to thank the brothers and sisters who gave me sincere advice! May Allah reward you, to clear something up my reference to some of the guys around campus being toddler status is a reference to our age disparity. Most those guys are young undergrads (18-21)--I have no interest in that age bracket. I teach tutorials with students that age at my university. There are no guys of our ethnic background in my program or the grad lounge. I'll try to expand my social circle, I do want to marry Somali if I didn't I would have taken the other non Somali Muslim men I know into consideration.

[Mooge]

in era where somali women are marrying chinese, you are rare breed for drawing a line in the sand and saying you want to marry somali men. you are a good woman. i don't think it will be that long before you find Mr. Right. finish your school and you will see him knocking on your door.

 

that is my cents.

[Mooge]

<cite>

@Bluelicious

said:</cite>

Sister you're still young don't make yourself old. Whatever happens never lose hope in yourself and God. Be patient as whatever is destined for you will happen and will not miss you. Never put an age and time on wanting to get married as in doing so you're sabotaging yourself and setting yourself up for failure which is a recipe for disaster. Sometimes people forget that things don't happen on our time but on God's time. You may for example want to get married at 26 that's your chosen time but the destined time from God could be 28. Always trust God as he knows best what we need and has our best interest. You may dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you.

 

If marriage is indeed destined for you then you must know that 50000 years before the sky was introduced to the sea God wrote down your name next to your future husband. So in order to find him you will need to work on your relationship with God. There's alsways room for improvement and inshallah the right person will come in to your life at the right time. By connecting with God he will guide you to the right path in meeting that person as only he knows who that person is and where they are. People tend to forget this. People could go to many places and meet many people but still not meet the one because he/she isn't there and they couldn't know that before hand.

 

A time waster lives in the present and only thinks of having fun and getting his desires met by wanting intimacy. Marriage isn't included in his long term goals and therefore will not want to contact your wali but instead keep things a secret.

 

A serious prospect not only thinks of the present but also his (near) future. His long term goals includes marriage and when he's serious about a woman he does things the right and halal way by contacting her wali. Which shows he doesn’t wanna play with the woman and respects her.

 

The fastest and easiest way to know whether a man is serious about you is; does he want to contact your wali. If he comes up with excuses or doesn't want to that's a red flag get rid of him.

 

Hopefully this was beneficial to you. Keep your head high, keep smiling and do you as you are on the right track for finding mr right

 

Mashalah. you are full of wisdom Blue.

[galbeedi]

Sister, thinking about marriage and finding the right mate should be a constant thought for every young woman. some how it seems in most towns in North America, men or young men of that bracket age are hard to see. As you stated , there are plenty of young men between, 18-23, . These are the children of the young Somalis who settled in North America in and married in early nineties.

 

We have lost a large number of young men who were in their late twenties and early thirties due to incarceration, drugs and other social issued faced by Somalis who brought their children during the tough times of nineties. Having said that , the best way to find a compatible brother is through family and friends. Do not be shy to talk to an aunt, cousin or relative if there are suitable young men. For sure who ever they recommend or bring for proposal will be someone series who is interested foe marriage. Those who you want to engage with ant relationship , should be someone looking to settle down for marriage.

 

Because of modern technology and the hectic nature of today's life , almost everyone has his own little world which keeps them busy. That is why it is important to involve older people, especially those who have already families. I emphasise that others must be involved to find the right person. . I would like to add that the issue of university graduate may lower the pool. There are many non graduates who are gainfully employed and could became compatible series husbands.

 

I conclude recommendations and recommendations is the best way.

[Tallaabo]

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@Sighnomore

said:</cite>

I want to thank the brothers and sisters who gave me sincere advice! May Allah reward you, to clear something up my reference to some of the guys around campus being toddler status is a reference to our age disparity. Most those guys are young undergrads (18-21)--I have no interest in that age bracket. I teach tutorials with students that age at my university. There are no guys of our ethnic background in my program or the grad lounge. I'll try to expand my social circle, I do want to marry Somali if I didn't I would have taken the other non Somali Muslim men I know into consideration.

You should not right off the toddlers. Some have the looks of a baby but are endowed with the wisdom of the ciroore :-D Also I thought we were in an age where youthfulness is valued and the toy boys and the toy girls are worth more than their weight in gold. Madona had one and every self respecting 70 year old Somali diaspora pensioner oday with a bulging belly is expected to wed the proverbial 15 year old virgin.

If your aversion to the young is due to taste, then the best way you can get the closest thing to mr right is to get to know both sides of your family. Your eedoos and habaryaroos will inshallah provide you with a catalogue of the best bachelors not only in your country of residence but in every other country too.

May Allah provide you with a blessed marriage that lasts a lifetime.

[Bluelicious]

<cite>

@Mooge

said:</cite>

Mashalah. you are full of wisdom Blue.

 

Thank you dear

[GaroweGal]

I like the fact you want a Somali guy first. May Allah swt give you all you desire and more.

I see so many Somali girls constantly belittle Somali men and ONLY desire an Ajanabi.

[Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar]

Garoowegirl, a halyey defender of her Soomaali brothers on SOL. E-bilad sharaf ayaa ka mudantahay ragga iyo odeyaasha Reer SOL. Mahadsanid.

 

Gabadha guurdoonka ah, waa heleysaa mid ku anfaco, abaayo. Iska dulqaado. And never give up marrying a Soomaali brother. Mid ku leh 'abaayo macaan' maxaaba ka fiican. And of course, he won't control you; won't argue with you where you went iyo why you spend so much this and that. No Soomaali brother would do that, si kaleba ha u xumaadaanee.

[DoctorKenney]

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@GaroweGal

said:</cite>

I like the fact you want a Somali guy first. May Allah swt give you all you desire and more.

I see so many Somali girls constantly belittle Somali men and ONLY desire an Ajanabi

.

 

I know that from personal experience

 

What disturbs me even more is when Somali girls belittle Somali men even in front of ajnaabis. It's downright humiliating and degrading. There's no need to justify her ajnaabi-love by belitting Somali men. I never in my life hear Arab women belittling Arab men in front of me, or Spanish women belittling Spanish men. Or Vietnamese women belittling Vietnamese men. So it disturbs me when I see Somali women doing this.

 

If she wants an Ajnaabi, she can have one. She's an adult and no one has a gun to her head telling her who she can marry. And she doesn't need to "justify" her love of Ajnabi men by degrading an entire race of Somali men