Catholics

[underdog]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could

hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had

done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about

getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next

to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a

sip." So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the

beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He

proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office

after mass, he found the following note on the door:

 

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

 

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

 

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

 

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

 

5. Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not beat his ass.

 

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

 

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to

as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

 

8. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the shit out of

him.

 

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his

donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

 

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

 

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he

said, " Take this and eat it for it is my body."

He did not say, "Eat me!"

 

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the

cherry."

 

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:

Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yay God.

 

14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest

at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at

St. Taffy's.

[J.Lee]

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool dayum! that made my day....... my favorite ones

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to

as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his

donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

 

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

and finally the Killer...loool

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the

cherry."