J.Lee Posted May 2, 2003 Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Q. Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it. Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? A. About three inches. Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? A. The grip. Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 pounds. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow. Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind. ---------------------- One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" ----------------- A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch bozack, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy "What's wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down, "I said: 7 foot tall, 350 Pounds, 20 inch bozack, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turnaround.'" ------- 10 things to do in an Elevator 10.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 9.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 8.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 6.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 5.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 4.Ask, "Did you feel that?" 3.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it. 2.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" and the number one thing to do in an elevator... 1.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Goodir Posted May 2, 2003 Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. LOOOOOL NICE1 THIS IS FUNNY... This is actually why i can't make eye contact...coz i just focus on Gantaalaha U kno... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted May 2, 2003 Originally posted by MsWord: The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turnaround.'" LooooooooooL! Poor sod! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted May 2, 2003 Originally posted by MsWord: Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. ------- 10 things to do in an Elevator 8.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" Those two made me laugh that I almost guffawed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
