Would you marry a divorcee?

[DoctorKenney]

I'm asking this question because my cousin is interested in marrying this Somali lady, who was divorced 2 years ago, and there seems to be some uproar in the family against this marriage. There's especially an issue because she has two young children who are 3 and 5 years old.

 

My cousin has never been married, never been in any sort of relationship, he's well-educated and a practicing Muslim. He has all the qualities that women would want in a potential spouse. And he's fallen for this woman due to her charming personality and her good looks. She herself is also well-educated. She's 1 year younger than he is (27 years old)

 

When he first told me about his interest in this lady, I was 100% in favor for it, and I still am. She's absolutely fantastic. But many of the people are opposed to this, and they think it's "unfair" for the man to be with a woman who was divorced with kids, while he himself has never been in a relationship

 

What do you think? How do I go about convincing the others to go ahead with this engagement?

[Jacpher]

^Waa qolomaa?

[Tallaabo]

DoctorKenney;986039 wrote:

I'm asking this question because my cousin is interested in marrying this Somali lady, who was divorced 2 years ago, and there seems to be some uproar in the family against this marriage. There's especially an issue because she has two young children who are 3 and 5 years old.

 

My cousin has never been married, never been in any sort of relationship, he's well-educated and a practicing Muslim. He has all the qualities that women would want in a potential spouse. And he's fallen for this woman due to her charming personality and her good looks. She herself is also well-educated. She's 1 year younger than he is (27 years old)

 

When he first told me about his interest in this lady, I was 100% in favor for it, and I still am. She's absolutely fantastic. But many of the people are opposed to this, and they think it's "unfair" for the man to be with a woman who was divorced with kids, while he himself has never been in a relationship

 

What do you think? How do I go about convincing the others to go ahead with this engagement?

Tell your cousin to follow his heart. He should politely urge anyone who interferes in his private life to mind their own business.

[Skeptic]

Asc ..

 

As long as the relationship is islamically legitimate (which it seems it's), then he should move forward it unless his mom or dad or her mom or dad are strongly against it and need to be pleased or farther persuaded. Islam encourages marriage and calls for the society to ease the process and help those who seek to marry to avoid illegitimate relationships between genders .. Unfortunately, our ppl these days do the opposite ...

 

On the same token, The Prophet SAW encouraged caring for divorced women as well as marrying them cuz traditions have always put down divorced women .. The Prophet SAW changed this filthy tradition by marrying women who were divorced ...

 

عن أبي هريرة قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «الساعي على الأرملة والمسكين كالمجاهد في سبيل الله أو كالذي يقوم الليل، ويصوم النهار

Abu Hureyrah RA narrated from The RasuuluLLAH SAW, "The care-taker of a divorced woman or one in need is like the one who fights in the path of Allah or like the one who stands during the night (in prayer) and fasts during the day ..."

 

ومن كفل يتيما أو أرملة أظله الله بظله وأدخله جنته

"... And whoever cares for an orphan or a divorced woman, Allah will shade him his shade and will enter him into Jannah"

 

Lets strive in making positive changes within our societies ...

 

JazaakumALLAH

[Tallaabo]

Apophis;986060 wrote:

I couldn't raise another man's litter, but some men can.

LOL;)

[DoctorKenney]

Well that seems to be everyone's problem with this engagement. Personally, I see no problem with it. The children are very young, and you can raise the children as if they're your own kids. Before long, they'll see you as their "real" father, and you can be a real role-model for these children as they grow up. And who says the new husband can't have more children with the wife? He can still pop out 2 or 3 more kids that are genetically "his"

 

You can't refer to children as another man's "litter", as they're human beings, and they're placed in these circumstances through no fault of their own.

 

And it's not like he's marrying a woman who's much older than him with many children. She's a young, beautiful woman. She has 2 extremely young kids who don't know anything, and I see this as a great opportunity (she's a catch)

 

And I'd also like to mention that the father of these kids plays no role in their lives. He is virtually non-existent.

 

I don't like the stigma associated with marrying single mothers. In Islam, we see children as a blessing, not as a burden. And if you do marry a single mother, you'll already have a family prepared :cool: It's all about compatibility, and nothing else.

[nuune]

^^ Waad ceytameysaa waryaa Apophis, akhyaar baad aheydee maxaa kugu dhaceyna.

 

Garoobta soo nafley ma ahan, soo dareen ma lahan, soo dad ma ahan, soo xaq ma lahan,

[Classified]

In this post-modern era we're in, 90% of the time, a divorcee will divorce again and again and again. Doctorkenney, your cousin is about to take the risk of joining the 90%. If he's willing to continue with it, I'd suggest, you should tell him to ask the girl of what she thinks about him having a second wife simultaneously, while he's married to her [the divorcee].

[thefuturenow]

Jacpher;986051 wrote:

^Waa qolomaa?

 

Divorcees understand the game. In qurbaha, they don't expect movie and dinner on Fridays. They work hard to keep a marriage alive as they don't wanna be two time failures. Also, there will be little objection to wife # 2 after a couple of years. Bright side people!

 

More importantly, we need to stop this ignorance and take care of our divorced sisters. The more single mothers in a society, the weaker it is.

[DoctorKenney]

Classified;986089 wrote:

In this post-modern era we're in, 90% of the time, a divorcee will divorce again and again and again.

Doctorkenney

, your cousin is about to take the risk of joining the 90%. If he's willing to continue with it, I'd suggest, you should tell him to ask the girl of what she thinks about him having a second wife simultaneously, while he's married to her [the divorcee].

Not really, we don't know why this woman was even divorced in the first place! It could have been something that was totally not under her control! A woman (or man) can be perfectly well-adjusted and have great character, and still end up being divorced. It happens every single day. Think about some of your relatives who've ended up divorced over the years.

[DoctorKenney]

And think about the great ajaar you'll receive from Allah if you help raise these young children into responsible and well-mannered adults.

 

Think about the benefits that society can gain when you have these young children raised by a father-figure. And when these children grow up, they'll think of you as their "real" father. DNA doesn't mean anything.

 

And more than anything, the problem our young women face is that in our community, we tend to look at divorcees as "used up" or something like that, and this is awful for our community. Everyone wants that "pure" untouched woman who's never been in a previous relationship.

[spartacus]

DoctorKenney;986147 wrote:

And think about the great ajaar you'll receive from Allah if you help raise these young children into responsible and well-mannered adults.

 

Think about the benefits that society can gain when you have these young children raised by a father-figure. And when these children grow up, they'll think of you as their "real" father. DNA doesn't mean anything.

 

And more than anything, the problem our young women face is that in our community, we tend to look at divorcees as "used up" or something like that, and this is awful for our community. Everyone wants that "pure" untouched woman who's never been in a previous relationship.

+1

[Classified]

DoctorKenney;986146 wrote:

Not really, we don't know why this woman was even divorced in the first place! It could have been something that was totally not under her control! A woman (or man) can be perfectly well-adjusted and have great character, and still end up being divorced. It happens every single day. Think about some of your relatives who've ended up divorced over the years.

I totally agree.

[SomaliPhilosopher]

DoctorKenney;986039 wrote:

What do you think? How do I go about convincing the others to go ahead with this engagement?

 

 

 

 

DoctorKenney;986066 wrote:

Well that seems to be everyone's problem with this engagement. Personally, I see no problem with it. The children are very young, and you can raise the children as if they're your own kids. Before long, they'll see you as their "real" father, and you can be a real role-model for these children as they grow up. And who says the new husband can't have more children with the wife? He can still pop out 2 or 3 more kids that are genetically "his"

 

You can't refer to children as another man's "litter", as they're human beings, and they're placed in these circumstances through no fault of their own.

 

And it's not like he's marrying a woman who's much older than him with many children. She's a young, beautiful woman. She has 2 extremely young kids who don't know anything, and I see this as a great opportunity (she's a catch)

 

And I'd also like to mention that the father of these kids plays no role in their lives. He is virtually non-existent.

 

I don't like the stigma associated with marrying single mothers. In Islam, we see children as a blessing, not as a burden. And if you do marry a single mother, you'll already have a family prepared :cool: It's all about compatibility, and nothing else.

DoctorKenney;986146 wrote:

Not really, we don't know why this woman was even divorced in the first place! It could have been something that was totally not under her control! A woman (or man) can be perfectly well-adjusted and have great character, and still end up being divorced. It happens every single day. Think about some of your relatives who've ended up divorced over the years.

 

DoctorKenney;986147 wrote:

And think about the great ajaar you'll receive from Allah if you help raise these young children into responsible and well-mannered adults.

 

Think about the benefits that society can gain when you have these young children raised by a father-figure. And when these children grow up, they'll think of you as their "real" father. DNA doesn't mean anything.

 

And more than anything, the problem our young women face is that in our community, we tend to look at divorcees as "used up" or something like that, and this is awful for our community. Everyone wants that "pure" untouched woman who's never been in a previous relationship.

Well, it looks like you already have a good start. A productive exercise I would say.

[Classified]

DoctorKenney;986147 wrote:

And think about the great ajaar you'll receive from Allah if you help raise these young children into responsible and well-mannered adults.

 

Think about the benefits that society can gain when you have these young children raised by a father-figure. And when these children grow up, they'll think of you as their "real" father. DNA doesn't mean anything.

 

And more than anything, the problem our young women face is that in our community, we tend to look at divorcees as "used up" or something like that, and this is awful for our community. Everyone wants that "pure" untouched woman who's never been in a previous relationship.

That's the true essence of Islam.