The Rocks Chick Posted November 19, 2002 GHETTO RESUME Rozonda LaQueeta "Pookie" Jenkins 2036 South Side Skreet Projects Compton, CA 11122 Phone: Cut off right now but will be back on by the 15th. OBJECTIVE To one day fulfill my dream of becoming a SoulTrain Dancer and, you know, just gittin my life togetha and stuff. I also hope to one day be the best cosmotologecalist in the 'hood.' SKILLS I do hurh and nails in my kitchen and I use my glitter and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I do braids in any texture or color; synthetoc or human hurh. EDUCATION The "GET YOURS" Home Correspondence Course, INC: Big Mamma's House of Hair 'N Nails 'N Fried Chicken 'N Stuff (Gradiated with honors for the most extensions don in a year's time) WORK EXPERIENCE January 10, 1999-January 30, 1999 Big Daddy's Motel Motor Lodge Bar & Grill Pool Hall & Bait 'N TackleShop Reason for leaving; I got sick 'n tired of Big Daddy hittin on me. March 1, 1999-November 1, 1999 The Golden Tooth Dental & Jewelry Emporium I loveded this job cuz they gave me a free toof ary monf and now I can spell my baby daddy name but they done up and fired me cuz I let one of my homeboys sniff the laughing gas. He just smelt it, he don't do drugs no mo. November 2, 1999-November 10, 1999 My Baby Daddy's Day Care Center Car Wash & Barber Shop Reason for leaving: They tried to work a sistuh ta deaf and I got thangs ta do November 12, 1999- November 14, 1999 Kim Fung Toi's House of Rice & Skrimps and Stuff Reason For Leaving: You don't even wanna know Jimmy's Jheri Curls & Motor Lube Reason for leaving: Hospitalized for spine injury when I slipped on an overflow of activator. The Ike Turner Pimp Slap Recovery Center (They have lovely commodations; yes I worked there and was a patient too.) Reason for leaving: Center closed down cuz Tina Turner done refused Ike's request to give a benefit concert and donate the money to Ike. Ike say Tina done got beside haself since she a big star and arythang. He say he remember when she was Anna Mae Bullock from Nut Bush, Tennessee. REFERENCES: Lawanda Jenkins (from up the skreet) Hezakiah Clevestus "The Playa" Jones (my homie's cuzzin's babydaddy) The Right Reverend Aliza Benjarmin "ineedadrank" O'grady (pastor of the Greater Mt. Carmel Church of God in Christ Kingdom Hall of Our Lady of Saints Holy Rosary Latter Day Seventh Advent Saints Episcapaleen Sanctified Non-Denominational Baptist Church Inc., a not-for-profit agency.) --------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted November 20, 2002 LOL..tha was funny.. loved this one.. Reason For Leaving: You don't even wanna know -lol soo ghetto Rock's gabar..tankis Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted November 20, 2002 ahahahahha hahaahhaahhahhahahaha ahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahhaha that was wack geed up yow very funy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Rocks Chick Posted November 20, 2002 Since y'all like that, here are some more funny Jokes GET READY TO LAUGH WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY; > >Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that >Morning, anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant >and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't >even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, >that's wives for you, the children will remember." > >The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started >to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. > >As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, >boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. > >I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, >its such a beautiful day outside and its your birthday, lets go to >lunch, just you and me." > >I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Lets >go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to >the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed >lunch tremendously. > >On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, its such a beautiful >day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I >guess not." She said, "Lets go to my apartment." > >After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I >think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." > >"Sure," I excitedly replied. > >She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out >carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of >our friends, all singing Happy Birthday... > >And there I sat...on the couch...naked. > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Rocks Chick Posted November 20, 2002 Here is another one; > > >1. Only in America......can a pizza get to > > >your house faster than an ambulance. > > >2. Only in America......are there > > >handicap parking places in front of a > > >skating rink. > > >3. Only in America......do drugstores > > >make the sick walk all the way to the > > >back of the store to get their > > >prescriptions while healthy people can buy > > >cigarettes at the front. > > >4. Only in America......do people order > > >double cheeseburgers, large fries, > > >and a diet coke. > > >5. Only in America......do banks leave > > >both doors open and then chain the > > >pens to the counters. > > >6. Only in America......do we leave cars > > >worth thousands of dollars in the > > >driveway and put our useless junk in the > > >garage. > > >7. Only in America......do we use > > >answering machines to screen calls and > > >then have call waiting so we won't miss a > > >call from someone we didn't want > > >to talk to in the first place. > > >8. Only in America......do we buy hot > > >dogs in packages of ten and buns in > > >packages of eight. > > >9. Only in America......do we use the > > >word 'politics' to describe the > > >process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning > > >'many' and 'tics' meaning > > >'bloodsucking creatures'. > > >10. Only in America......do they have > > >drive-up ATM machines with Braille > > >lettering. > > >EVER WONDER > > >Why the sun lightens our hair, but > > >darkens our skin? > > >Why women can't put on mascara with their > > >mouth closed? > > >Why don't you ever see the headline > > >"Psychic Wins Lottery"? > > >Why is "abbreviated" such a > > >long word? > > >Why is it that doctors call what they do > > >"practice"? > > >Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you > > >have to click on "Start"? > > >Why is lemon juice made with artificial > > >flavor, and dishwashing liquid made > > >with real lemons? > > >Why is the man who invests all your money > > >called a broker? > > >Why is the time of day with the slowest > > >traffic called rush hour? > > >Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? > > >When dog food is new and improved > > >tasting, who tests it? > > >Why didn't Noah swat those two > > >mosquitoes? > > >Why do they sterilize the needle for > > >lethal injections? > > >You know that indestructible black box > > >that is used on airplanes? Why don't > > >they make the whole plane out of that > > >stuff? > > >Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? > > >Why are they called apartments when they > > >are all stuck together? > > >If con is the opposite of pro, is > > >Congress the opposite of progress? > > >If flying is so safe, why do they call > > >the airport the terminal? > > >------------------ > > >In case you needed further proof that the > > >human race is doomed through stupidity, > > >here are some actual label instructions > > >on consumer goods. > > >On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while > > >sleeping. ( and that's the only time > > >I have to work on my hair). > > >On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a > > >winner! No purchase necessary.Details > > >inside. (the shoplifter special)? > > >On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: > > >Use like regular soap." (and that would > > >be how???....) > > >On some Swanson frozen dinners: > > >"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's > > >"just" a suggestion). > > >On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on > > >bottom): "Do not turn upside down." > > >(well...duh, a bit late, huh)! > > >On Marks & Spencer Bread > > >Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." > > >(...and you thought????...) > > >On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do > > >not iron clothes on body." (but > > >wouldn't this save me more time)? > > >On Boot's Children Cough > > >Medicine:"Do not drive a > > >car or operate machinery > > >after taking this medication." (We > > >could do a lot to reduce the rate of > > >construction accidents if we could just > > >get those 5-year-olds with > > >head-colds off those forklifts.) > > >On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May > > >cause drowsiness." > > >(and...I'm taking this because???....) > > >On most brands of Christmas lights: > > >"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as > > >opposed to...what)? > > >On a Japanese food processor: "Not > > >to be used for the other use." (now, > > >somebody out there, help me on this. I'm > > >a bit curious.) > > >On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: > > >contains nuts." > > >(talk about a news flash) > > >On an American Airlines packet of nuts: > > >"Instructions: Open packet, eat > > >nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) > > >On a child's superman costume: > > >"Wearing of this garment does not enable you > > >to fly." (I don't blame the company. > > >I blame the parents for this one.) > > >On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not > > >attempt to stop chain with your hands or > > >genitals." (..was there a lot of > > >this happening somewhere?) > > >Now that you've smiled at least once, > > >it's your turn to spread the > > >stupidity and send this to someone you want to > > >bring a smile to (maybe even a > > >chuckle)...in other words send it to > > >everyone. We all need to smile every > > >once in a while. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Rocks Chick Posted November 20, 2002 > > >>>Dear Abby: > > >>> > > >>> I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next > month. > > >>> > > >>> My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and > > >>> understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited > > >>> me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a > > >>> bit beyond what we had expected it to be. > > >>> When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to > > >>> just under a hundred ... then she floored me. > > >>> She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before > that > > >>> happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and > > >>> walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the > front > > door > > >>> was if I wanted to leave. > > >>> I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew > > >>> exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the > > front door... > > >>> There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to > be. > > >>> He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a > > >>> good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and > > he > > >>> congratulated me on passing their little test. > > >>> Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I > > >>> thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my > character? > > >>> Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that > the > > >>> reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom? > I advice for this dude is to say nothing ....lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Rocks Chick Posted November 20, 2002 This is the monthly clean up of my inbox, I apologize if you've read this already, the rest of you enjoy. **************** Rectum Stretcher > > > >While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over), I noticed a > >cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, > >walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?" > >I replied, "I'm late for work." > >"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" > >I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher." > >The cop said, "What.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum > >stretcher do?" > >I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two > >fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can > >get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 > >foot wide." > >The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" > >I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of > >bridge..." > > > >The ticket -- $95 dollars. > >The look on his face, PRICELESS > > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
