For the mothers, mothers to be and general women thinking about motherhood.....

[Bess.]

I was curious about this and I thought u ladies might share some of ur thoughts....

When u guys were pregnant;

1. Did you have a birth plan?

2. Did u visit an ob-gyn, a midwife or a doula? Why?

3. Did u have a scheduled Caesarian?

4. Pro epidural or anti?

5. Take classes before the birth?

6. Nurse and for how long?

When I had my 2 kids....I had a lot of unwanted and unsolicited advise....and was curious what others in a similar position went through. In many instances I felt alone, because all my western friends were different from me and I was different from my mom and her fiends(friends )"...so I had to depend on an instinctual path and I did what I felt was right for me.

Ps...I apologize if this is a bit personal....but I come from medical work background and rarely feel that health issues r private:o

[Rahima]

Hi Bess,

 

I too don't see anything specifically private about your questions so here goes:

 

1. They tried to impose a birth plan on me but i opted out- coming from a health background also i felt as though they only serve the purpose of lessening any anxiety.

2. I saw both an OB-GYN and Midwife with both my pregnancies, tried a doula with the second pregnancy but ditched her because hooyo thought it was a waste of money.

3. Never had a scheduled C-section- had an emergency C-section with my son as he was almost 5 kgs. My daughter alhamdullilah was a normal delivery.

4. Was anti epidural initially but have now converted to the pro epidural camp lol.

5. Didn't have time for classes, not to mention because of my professional background i felt as though i already knew it all (what they would teach in the classes anyway).

6. Yep, for 16 months with my son and almost a year with my daughter.

[Blessed]

Hello Bess.

1. Did you have a birth plan?

First: Yes, I was asked to do one to help me understand the process, decide on birth options (hospital, birth center, home) and to think about pain control.

Second. Dr. felt that she was in total control of my birth plan, so I did one- just to put her in her place.

2. Did u visit an ob-gyn, a midwife or a doula? Why?

First: Got excellent midwife care with the NHS. Only saw the Ob-gyn at the beginning when I had hypermessis and then again once towards the birth.

Second: Used a private American hospital in Dubai, so I saw Ob-gyn throughout. I didn't like this medicalised approach to childbirth at all..!!

3. Did u have a scheduled Caesarian?

First: No, but ended up having emergency caesarian.

Second: Control freak Dr. did schedule a caesarian. I made her change the date and ended up having a straightforward vbac as I wanted, Alhamdulilah.

 

4. Pro epidural or anti?

Anti- didn't like the side effects. I was initially completely against pain control but I'm a little flexible about that now lol..

5. Take classes before the birth?

Yes, along with hubby for the first birth.

6. Nurse and for how long?

For 11 months with my first and about 18 months with my second, I have used formula for both as well.

 

Alhamdulilah, my mum and sisters have always been an amazing support network for me, one of my sisters is also a midwife who is always there to help with birth related things.

[raula]

1. Did you have a birth plan?

my first child, thought about it but didn't follow through. The American way are too detail. As long as I made it clear to my midwife at the time & husband as to what to do incase of emergency, i thought i didn't need it. I ended up having an Emergency C-section due to pre-Eclampsia. Alhamdulilah all went well afterwards. My 2nd boy-normal VBAC (scheduled induction), no issues & very well pregnancy. My little gal same, VBAC -induction. The last 2 were term & a day/two post term. I could have waited for a natural birth but NOPE

2. Did u visit an ob-gyn, a midwife or a doula? Why?

Didn't use a Doula, i think in the states, it costs an Arm & a leg. Besides I work in healthcare & didn't need much help. I had a lovely African American OB/GYN who was just like a sista (for my last two pregnancies).

3. Did u have a scheduled Caesarian? Yes, only my first son. VBAC the last 2. (read above)

4. Pro epidural or anti? PRO-EPi. lol. My first child-C section, the recovery was like going through REHAB. Boy do we take our abdominal muscles for granted. It was tough but was fine in few weeks. My last two kids, used Epidural. My labors (the last 2 kids) were short (8hrs, Epidural for the last 3.5hrs; 3rd birth=6hrs, 30mins for Epi..my doc was even suprised but given my progression..its wasn't really). Alhamdulillah.

5. Take classes before the birth?

1st birth, w/hubby lol. Maskiin i dragged him & he was fine by it. But didn't for the last two.

6. Nurse and for how long?

 

1st-9mons

2nd -8mons

3rd-6mons

+ formula. But prepd food at home, no ready made.

 

I don't think i will be where I am today, doing what I am doing & pursuing my dreams w/3 kids if it weren't for the support i have at home (ofcourse w/me committed to a goal). ALhamdulilah & I thank Allah s.w. for giving me a caring/loving & supportive husband.

 

***follow your instincts but as well listen to some of the advises & do as you feel fit's your family. Ultimately we our own foremost advocates for our own health, so the more you know the better

[Bess.]

Hello ladies,

Well I guess it's my turn,

1. Did you have a birth plan?

I did, because it gave me a sense of being in charge of my own birthing experience. My Dr is very cool and I interviewed a couple of doctors before I settled on her, she was young and progressive and agreed to my birthing experience I wanted to have. Well, the funny thing was none of that happened because my daughter was breach so emergency Csection....there went the birth plan:p

2. Did u visit an ob-gyn, a midwife or a doula? Why?

Obviously, an OBGYN, I am not granular i don't like the midwives and all the alternative experiences. I like hospitals and machines....all that(no judgement intended....I just don't like all the hand holding that midwives and especially doulas encourage)

3. Did u have a scheduled Caesarian?

With both my children I did. My first was breach(read above ), and I had a VBAC without induction scheduled for my second, but by last trimester it was obvious he was huge. I scheduled a Csection on his due date and he was almost 11lbs....so thank Allah for that.

4. Pro epidural or anti?

I am pro, but never had the experience....but I am anti pain

5. Take classes before the birth?

I did all the classes....but mostly they were bonding times for the hubby and I and we enjoyed them. The only one iwas serious about was the nursing one....it was so helpful.

6. Nurse and for how long?

I did 1 year for both of them, I had a lot of support from my family and husband so I was able to fully nurse them. I was not working, so that made all the difference in the world.

***generally I follow my own instincts and intuition, I of course listen to advise and take it in consideration but I have to make decisions that I have to live with for the rest of life....so at the end it's up to me.

[Chimera]

Very interesting!

 

 

What happens during those classes with the husband?

[Rahima]

Bess,

 

I'm full of contradictions when it comes to birthing, on the one hand I'm opposed to a medicalised approach to it, on the other i am very pro-epidural. The main reason for this contradicting stance is because of my experience with my first birth. I was not offered any pain control bar some useless dose of pethidine which lasted all of a few minutes. I had a horrible consultant who lied to me about the progress of the birth so that she could convince me to have a c-section (she didn't realise that i could read the graphs myself) and her response to my initial objection to the c-section was "don't worry darling, you can have more children"- of course being Muslim and Somali that is my only concern. All of this was compounded by the unwritten hospital policy (i had colleagues who had previously worked there) of a birthing woman must not be in labour for more than 48 hours and i had already clocked 36 hours. My poor family was a wreck, especially my poor husband who was unsure of what to do, so eventually i reluctantly gave in. It took me a good year to recover from the c-section as i had an infection and subsequent pain which was excruciating at times.

 

As a result of this experience i set out to achieve a home birth with my second pregnancy- my husband was not too happy about it but he understood alhamdullilah. I searched for months but all the midwives who were willing to take me on were booked at the time i was due- popular month apparently. The available midwives wouldn't touch me as my daughter was posterior and on the back of a 5kg baby and a family history of large babies (my siblings and i were all well over 4kgs) they deemed me as high risk- hence the hiring of the doula. I didn't want hand holding per se from the doula,lol, just someone who was familiar with and could navigate through the system well. I had only one instruction for her and despite the expense i felt it was the only way to ensure that i would get my VBAC- NO C-SECTION unless it becomes a matter of life or death. As i said earlier i ceased her services because my mother was very unhappy about it.

 

Alhamdullilah come second birth i had the best trainee OB-GYN and qualified midwife a woman could ask for. They were beyond supportive of my goal and it all went perfectly. Six hours, well-controlled pain, healthy baby, quick recovery- Perfect.

[Bess.]

Lol....that's more like it. I am so sorry that u have the misfortune of having to deal with incompetence and hospital bureaucratic red tape is a mess:mad:. But i am so jealous of ur second birth experience it sounds great I was looking forward to my VBAC but I psyched myself out and i literally had nightmares of what could go wrong for months. Thankfully my sisters and my mom are heaven sent, and my poor hubby was so good...and Alxamdulilah the recovery was good just a couple of months of taking it easy but I was driving by week 5 and I stopped the heavy meds by week 2 and took ibuprofen for the pain rest of the time. Sometimes I wish that I had the will power to hold out, but for me the Csection was the right decision and I was happy with it.

[Aaliyyah]

Thanks to the poster and each one of you fr sharing your personal stories, it was interesting to read as well as educational. These days almost every delivery I hear of is a c-section. It is strange.

Mashallah Rahma you made a good decision with your second baby, babies are more healthy when delivered normally.

[chubacka]

What's a VBAC? Sounds like a type of Hoover! .

interesting how common c-sections seem to be.

[Aaliyyah]

LOL Chubacka ask Mr.Google, in the age of google information is at the tip of your finger

[Rahima]

Bess- I guess we are all dictated to by our experiences. The thought of having another C-section was like death to me, yet you were driving 5 weeks later,lol. In saying that though alhamdullilah as we all have healthy children.

 

Aaliyah- yes alhamdullilah i felt that that was the right decision for me and Allah answered my duas.

[Blessed]

^My story was similar to yours Rahima, my c-section was due to fetal distress, so it was necessary and although it was horrendous recovering from it, I don't regret that it happened as it was a very close call for my little girl, Alhamdulilah Alhamdulilah! My second Dr. tried to convince me that I had no chance of a vbac at all, she pathogolised my whole pregnancy which didn't sit too well with me. My sister told me to see some one wlse, so I've decided to speak to another Dr and looked at my old medical records and there was no reason that I couldn't, I guess she was thinking about her convenience and money, so I wrote up my own plan and told her that I was prepared for risks. I tried my best to prepare for labour, drank this special tea and Alhamdulilah, it worked out for the best.. but have to say, with birth and pregnancy, you just don't know what the outcome will be.. so yes, Alhamdulilah for our healthy children.

[NGONGE]

Look at them all happy and normal. As if that was not one of the most trumatising moments in their lives!

[Malika]

^It's the rahma of Allah - it it weren't for that, I dont think any sane woman would go through that experience over and over again.