Hibo Posted April 30, 2002 Gotta warn ya... Its Grossss.. !! GHOST SHIT: That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet. CLEAN SHIT: The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET SHIT: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a brown stain. SECOND WAVE SHIT: It happens when you're done shitting. You've pulled your pants up to your knees, and then you realize that you have to shit some more. BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT, or POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD SHIT: The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke. RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT: The kind of shit where you shit so much you lose 30 pounds. CORN SHIT: Self explanatory. LINCOLN LOG SHIT: The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it up into a few dozen chunks. "Gee, I Wish I Could Shit" SHIT: It's the kind where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet cramped and fart a few times. BLOODY SHIT: Self explanatory. SPINAL TAP SHIT: That's the kind that hurts so much coming out that you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS SHIT, or POWER DUMP: That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. LIQUID SHIT: The kind where a yellowish-brown fluid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically burning your anus. MEXICAN FOOD SHIT: in a class all its own. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
commonsense Posted April 30, 2002 Soul_lady, the Lincoln Log shit that was funny Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted May 1, 2002 Maybe you've seen this one before - got it thru email few weeks ago, thought it was funny - Enjoy... I did not come to England to take pictures of Big Ben or tour London Bridge. I just wanted to get paid and get even with those colonials. With a name like Ogundele Kayode Omobrukutu, I could not even buy a bus pass let alone open a bank account. This is my story....It took me 6 months to study the system, but I still could not figure out my squares and circus's. I could not travel from Leicester Circus to Oxford Square without getting lost. I was a YMCA (Young Money Chasing African) when I joined the FRAUD (Fine Rich Africans United in Deals). It took me 3 months to attain my ACCA (Advanced Certificate for Criminal Africans) and I needed an MBA (Major Bank Account) to do my first HND (Heavy Nigerian Deal). I arranged to meet this guy at Animal and Something, I mean Elephant and Castle. We were suppose to meet at 10.00am. I got there at 11.30am and he turned up at 1.30pm. He pulled up in a Mercedes 500SL with a private number plate - 419 ADE. He was a definite Nigerian, he had it all - leather jacket in summer, air condition on full blast with his roof and windows down whilst smoking cigar and choking on his smoke just to impress me. Being a fellow Nigerian I was more than impressed. He introduced himself as Adepujo Kunle Babatunde and asked me to call him Ade or Babs. He spoke with a strong Nigerian accent but he messed the whole language up by slanging - he sounded like a Canadian born Chinese living in Germany and studying French. I had not been in the country for long but I could tell that Omo(my man) was trying hard to be British. After hanging with Ade for about 2 months I became an OBE (Opportunist Bank Employee) and specialised in BBC (Breaking Bank Codes). Money was flowing and I wanted more so I did my PhD (Passport Handling Degree) and became an FBI (Fraudster Bringing Immigrants). My status changed drastically...., I had a BMW 328is convertible and a Porsche 911 with a private plate - 911 OMO and living in a council flat and signing on. I went to Moonlighting every Friday and drank champagne and danced to music supplied by DJ Pace and Skills. I became foolish - I remember one night I spent over a 1000 pounds on just champagne at the club and had no money for petrol so I walked home. My downfall.... Greed and selfishness inevitably led to my downfall - I got involved with a CIA (Cash Investing Agent) and we did a couple of GMTs (Good Money Transfers) but he later turned out to be a CID (Cop in Disguise). I was under surveillance and I did not even know. I left the NHS Nigerian Housing Scheme) early that morning with about 12 different cheque books to go and do my business. They followed me unto the high road and it was then it hit me that something was wrong. I could not leave all that evidence in my car so I started chewing my cheque books. I ate 8 before they pulled me over. They read me my rights and all that crap and all I could say was - OGA, water please! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted May 1, 2002 Here's one last one - Don't like to occupy lotsa space, will just continue on this thread A young man went to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will natrally be a little damp from wearing. "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sakeenah Posted May 1, 2002 Soul_Lady the one had me fall off my chair for real everyone in the lab is thinking what in da world is wrong with this woman that was good one sister ------------------ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted May 2, 2002 U r SICK,SICK SICK ....BUT I LIKE EM..KEEP EM COMIN... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xannaan Posted November 25, 2002 ber by soul lady . SPINAL TAP **** : That's the kind that hurts so much coming out that you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. ahahahahahahahaha eheheheheheheh kikikikikikiikkikikiki that sh#t is funy girl i am stil cracking over it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted November 25, 2002 LEEEEE!!!....HeHeHeHeHe!!..walle walle those gloves!(yaah!)..Waa maxay! waxaas! The nigerian joke was silly lol..nice silly yaah!! Gabar yu are definetly sicckk with the shitt thingy..lol! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
