Hibo Posted April 24, 2002 What did the elephant say to the naked man? It's cute,but can you pick up peanuts with it? How do you get a frog off the back window of your car? Use the rear defrogger. What did one magnet say to the other magnet? I find you very attractive. What do you call bedtime stories for boats? Ferry tales What do Mack the Knife, Attila the Hun and Jabba the Hut have in common? The same middle name. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny. What do you call it when an octopus gets its tentacles tangled up? Scrambled legs. How do you revive a drowning rodent? Give it mouse-to-mouse resuscitation. What did the robot have to do before she wore any earrings? She had to get her gears pierced. What do frogs eat with their hamburgers? French flies. What do you call a bunch of dancing pebbles? The Rockettes. How can you recognize a burned-put hippie? He used to take acid, now he takes antacid. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Doyathinkhesaurus. How many letters are in the alphabet? Nineteen. Because ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him. Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses. How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem! How you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from ducks. How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, Daddy, I want a new apartment. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come. Did you hear about the lady who backed into a spinning airplane propeller? Disaster! How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. Did you hear about the dyslexic rabbi? He was walking around everywhere saying, Yo! What do you call a drunk who works in an upholstery shop? A recovering alcoholic. What do you call a dumb balloon? An air head. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. [This message has been edited by JamaaL-11 (edited 04-24-2002).] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted April 24, 2002 Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Words are mere bubbles of water, but deeds are drops of gold. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will do. The wise speak only when they have something to say. Lightning flashes, sparks shower, in one blink of your eyes, you have missed seeing. He who does not trust enough will not be trusted. Give your confidences only to madmen, and your troubles only to owls. Fate’s net is vast and its mesh is coarse, yet none escape it. Cruelty deserves no mercy. Sun dappled water reflects the quiet mind. Knowledge is not intelligence. Modesty creates success. The superior man carries things through. Even in darkness there is light. Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways, and be wise. He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. Nature is not kind, it treats all things impartially. If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. Happiness isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted April 24, 2002 There is no remedy for sex but more sex. Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others. Every country gets the government it deserves. In the long run we are all dead. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep. Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right. History is a set of lies agreed upon. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. Sometimes the devil is a gentleman. Experience is no substitute for a good book. Why read a novel when you can read a newspaper. The only certainty in life is death. Government doesn't work. Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have the time. A pessimist is someone who's never disappointed. Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. Work is a four-letter word. One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they're hanged. Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol. A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you’ve got to be good. The universe is not only stranger than we think, but stranger than we can imagine. Don't look back - something might be gaining on you. A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason. All governments are run by liars, and nothing they say should be believed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jacaylbaro Posted September 8, 2010 LOOOOOOOOOOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muriidi Posted September 8, 2010 * i think i'll bookmark this ! quotes to send around with every email .. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
