A life wasted: regrets of a comic and an asymptote

[Coofle]

Abtigiis at least you have done your part by getting married and popping out some progeny..... The other day in a celebration of a birthday I told a Urologist friend of mine -as a joke- I am not ready to settle and he replied "Don't come to me after few years holding your testes in an ice jar pleading for medical help to extract your semen and do artificial insemination! ..

 

Everyone has his own fears, for me "Ragga doobnimada ku raagay" what scares me the most as every other XY species is the Down sloping of the parabola! - back to maths -. "Can a Wingless Eagle fly" I don't want to lose my feathers, I want to fly in the XX zones freely and to roam and discover the mysteries that lie deep in those species "Ma cad baa misa waa carjaw" = "Is it flesh or cartilage" (Still I am at the vertex of the parabola for the girls knowledge)

 

A wise old man Once said "Sadex badso dan baad u yaraysane, 1-cuntada 2-Hurdada 3-ciyaaraha jiirka" ....They are physiological needs which seems to dwindle with time and age, At least still you have time - I hope - before your prostate enlarges and you go through the necessary but traumatizing prostate exam. My point being, stop regretting and start doing Hadii kale I will perceive what you wrote as a desperate measure to relieve what is ailing you "Keyboard-ka cadhada kala dul kac" ...

 

The other gender (The Crooked ribs) are Exotic and Strange, I have my fair share of them, and others share sometimes ... albeit my observations are extremely biased by the aching loins but I have inferred that they are dynamic, Not stable like us , Starting from their monthly floods to their mood disturbances and flight of ideas, They will smile to you for a second and the other second they are frowning, the dynamic state keeps them interesting and challenging to keep around and makes the heat between the two charges alive and lit....

 

If you are inquiring about how to "Hantidooda gaarka ah loogu dhaco" you will not get the answer by sitting on a computer, experience and a series of failed and some successful trials will teach you enough, Just remember "Dumarku waa ogol-diidan" If u know what i mean.

[Jacaylbaro]

^ ^ Odaygu ma wuu talax gabay baad u qarinaysaa waaryee ??

[Taleexi]

Coofle ha ka waalin Abtigiis. Waryaa Abtigiis, I'm neither rich, handsome nor intellect yet women are attracted to me as magnets of opposite charge - The secret lies subtly somewhere in Coofle lines

[Abtigiis]

People, stop moralizing and offering vague sermons about the sanctity of sticking to one woman and whatnot. This is not about me planning to go on a carnal escapade. This is about understanding the enigma of a man very approachable to woman yet so far to their bosom, except when consoling them on a loss of relative or a friend or when bidding them farewell.

 

This is about gathering lessons learnt and best practices. Can you offer specific tips or ideas why you think this has been happening?

 

At least Apophis gave some useful tips, which means next time I am in close proximity to a woman what I need is not to keep distance and talk, but to act decisively and grab them by the waist. According to Apophis and Coofle, even if they slap me, that doesn't me they don't like what I am doing, so I should breathe by their neck in case that stirs some desire in them. Seems a plan.

[Coofle]

Jacaylbaro;895131 wrote:

^ ^ Odaygu ma wuu talax gabay baad u qarinaysaa waaryee ??

Xaasha..I hope he have at least an engine of 1 horsepower .. Hadii kale gabdhaha qureesheed ha iskaga hadho..

 

Coofle ha ka waalin Abtigiis. Waryaa Abtigiis, I'm neither rich, handsome nor intellect yet women are attracted to me as magnets of opposite charge - The secret lies subtly somewhere in Coofle lines

Ha u faanin odayga...

[Coofle]

Abtigiis waa caynkaa.... When going uphill you never stop pressing on the accelerator no matter how much the engine screams for mercy, with time when you get nearly to the top the car will have a a regular rhythm ...Same goes here,,don't stop

[Alpha Blondy]

Abtigiis;895146 wrote:

 

This is about gathering lessons learnt and best practices. Can you offer specific tips or ideas why you think this has been happening?

 

AT,

 

i'm still at the post-college and money making stage you mentioned in your ealier response to Alpha. laakin, like i told my friend the other day, after his inability to decide between all his girlfriends - women are like mobile phones. you see a nice looking chick, and then 10mins later, you see a better looking one until you can't decide between them. mobile phones are addictive too, just as you purchase the latest one there is the latest version of the same model. this deep yearning to fill a void can only be overcome by understanding the functionality and purposes that women and mobile phones serve. as long as you recognise that then i think you'll be fine.

 

similarly, to have you ego-massaged, to be desired and to be acknowledged is important for a man whose just entered the muddy waters of his mid-life crisis. questioning your very essence is perfectly normal because by looking yourself in the mirror and evaluating your purpose you improve from within.

[Juxa]

Dumarku waa ogol- diidan ee try it on ( walee xabsi or worse baa ku sugi)

[NGONGE]

I think I fully understand where A&T is coming from. However, the way he describes his feelings and sentiments about the quandary he finds himself in makes him look (and sound) like what friends in my younger day used to refer to as “hablaha walaalkood”.

 

This term describes men who are very popular with women and are always seen in the company of the prettiest amongst them but never manage to ensnare any. Thus, everyone refers to them as “hablaha walaalkood” (if he happens to drive a car he is simply known as “the driver”).

 

Still, I don’t think A&T is one of those. I believe his complaint to be one related to aging and mortality. You see, different men cope with growing old in their own different ways. The classic Midlife Crisis manifests itself in many amazing and colourful ways. A&T, as a Somali, can’t go out and buy himself a chopper of a motorbike or support tattoos of naked ladies around his bellybutton. Yet, the crisis is here and it needs a respectable publicity, but how?

 

The Somali way, the way I suspect men such as Showqi, Taleexi, Norf or even LST would display their “crisis” is the traditional carrying of walking sticks (even when you don’t suffer from any visible limps or swollen joints), the donning of scarves on the shoulders or the eye-catching henna-dyed beards. How many men in their mid thirties or early forties have you encountered that walk, talk and act like very old men? These are the same guys that five or six years ago were the life and soul of the party and, to your knowledge, have not suffered from any great crisis (such as bereavements or major illnesses) yet seem to have aged by decades in the space of those five or six years! You believe they aged, they believe that they’re being sensible and are allowing themselves to age gracefully.

 

A&T, for all those who know him is not the type that was ever going to age gracefully. In fact, I am willing to wager that he knows at least two moves from the “Gangnam Style” dance and maybe even the lyrics. I am also willing to bet that he can land at least seventy percent of the women he sets out to entice. Alas, I don’t really believe enticing them is really his aim or goal. For like I said above, it is all about convincing oneself that you are able to do what you did (or could have done) when you were younger, more able and stronger. It is why the neighbourhood coward, upon reaching fifty, suddenly begins sleeping with a machete under his bed even though he has never been in a fight in his entire life. He realises that youth has gone and starts believing the lie that should a burglar ever break into his house, he will be able to use this machete as a substitute for his lost strength (a strength and vigour he never used when he was able to).

 

Some men play football to keep the ageing process at bay. They convince themselves that they can run as fast as they once did or shoot as hard. But when they fail, they play in defence and spend their time shouting more than playing. Others study (how many old Somalis have you met that are doing their doctorates at the age of fifty or sixty, etc). But the majority of men go back to focus on the one thing that they pursued for the majority of their lives (some did with deed others with mere contemplation). That one thing is WOMEN!

 

So, A&T is not far wrong when he argues that Xiin or Ayub have the same thoughts as him but choose not to air it. Little does he know, of course, that both these gentlemen carry walking sticks, have scarves on the shoulders and machetes under their beds!

 

Keep at it, saaxib. It’ll all soon fade away.

[Miyir]

Abtigiis;895146 wrote:

People, stop moralizing and offering vague sermons about the sanctity of sticking to one woman and whatnot. This is not about me planning to go on a carnal escapade. This is about understanding the enigma of a man very approachable to woman yet so far to their bosom, except when consoling them on a loss of relative or a friend or when bidding them farewell.

 

This is about gathering lessons learnt and best practices. Can you offer specific tips or ideas why you think this has been happening?

 

At least Apophis gave some useful tips, which means next time I am in close proximity to a woman what I need is not to keep distance and talk, but to act decisively and grab them by the waist. According to Apophis and Coofle, even if they slap me, that doesn't me they don't like what I am doing, so I should breathe by their neck in case that stirs some desire in them. Seems a plan.

Abtigiis

 

accept your fate. Either you have it or don't.

[Abtigiis]

NGONGE;895481 wrote:

A&T, for all those who know him is not the type that was ever going to age gracefully. In fact, I am willing to wager that he knows at least two moves from the “Gangnam Style” dance and maybe even the lyrics. I am also willing to bet that he can land at least seventy percent of the women he sets out to entice. Alas, I don’t really believe enticing them is really his aim or goal. For like I said above, it is all about convincing oneself that you are able to do what you did (or could have done) when you were younger, more able and stronger.

 

So, A&T is not far wrong when he argues that Xiin or Ayub have the same thoughts as him but choose not to air it. Little does he know, of course, that both these gentlemen carry walking sticks, have scarves on the shoulders and machetes under their beds!

 

Keep at it, saaxib. It’ll all soon fade away.

:D Horta, NG, I sometimes wonder why you know so much about me. it is not like we met and studied each other.Yet, in every thread, you read my mind like a micro-chip planted there in. Of course, that doesn't mean you are right when you say I can get 70% of those I desire. I rather say my failure rate has been close to 90% in truth.

 

And of course, I have never been "hablaha walaalkood" or what in plain terms we use to say " fur [bahal] (the cover of the woman's thing). No, no, that is insulting. I always pretended I am a serious gentleman even when making jokes. The problem is no one took me seriously.

 

One thing I agree with you is that Xinn and Ayoub and yourself and Norf and all, feel the same way. Where I sip my coffee, I usually have 4-5 men around me and each time a talking backside passes by, funny things happen with the men around. Nowadays, I don't even look at who passed by, I look at the eyes and nervy movements of the men beside me. The craving is pulpable. So, the dilemma of the married is a universal thing.

 

The story I wrote is the story of every man. The differene is how we cope with this fact. Some deny it, some use delusions about their moral pedigree, some laugh about it, some hide behind condemnations, some dismiss it, most blame an entity that is the whipping boy of all scape-goaters - an indiscernible entity by the name SHAYTAN. I talk about it and earn names for it, but the clarity I get from questioning my instinctive nastiness helps me regulate it.

 

And no, no, you are wrong about Gangnam style! no! warya. I am big-footed, I am not allowed those child-things. Although, the other day, I checked what this Gangnam style is about after it came in every field - including football. No, I am not someone who follows fashion or those things. Very casual and avancular from the surface. And I hardly start jokes with people I don't know. No wonder some can't believe when they are told that guy talks. Almost always I hear, "war ninyahow. We never thought you utter a word."

 

And....and, I get tongue-tied if you bring 2 people I don't know to the table. really can't say a word.

[Juxa]

Now that we understand the problem, we must seek a solution, my interest is barely that few years from now those around me will be in similar situation.

 

Instead of having my budh out, i decided to be supportive of you Abtigiis and those in similar situation! now and you must bear in mind that resources are limited WHAT CAN WE DO AS SOL WOMEN FOLK TO HELP? what would make your days bearable and your pain managable?

[NGONGE]

^^ In aad in necibtahay halkanaa laga garta, Juxay!

 

When I wrote something similar seven years ago (http://www.somaliaonline.com/community/showthread.php/9862-Holiday-romance?highlight=holiday+romance), I had my head bitten off.

[Abtigiis]

NG, what I witness everyday is what you described in your holiday post. Good ladies like Juxa would want to dismiss it like the talk of wayward men - ciyaala suuqiin - but the thing is men belong to either that category or the mullah category. The mullahs story regarding women, we all know. Nowadays the more you are a mullah, the more you are inclined to be a casanova.

 

 

I sometimes think the Amhara way which is to do all before marriage and then settle once you marry is a model to replicate than what I see these days.

 

And let me clarify one thing. My failure rate of 90% is with Somali women, not with Ethiopians for instance. The Ethios are direct and you know from the eyes whether it is going to work or not. By the time you start talking, everything would have been settled through the eyes (and I don't mean winking) and the discussion is usually about venue, time and technicalities.

 

With the somalis, it is a different ball game. What amazes me is not the ubiquitous suuro. That we can live with. What amazes me is that our girls are more secretive about themselves and more open about the secrets of their kins and families. Even before you figure out what this woman with you likes or dislikes, or what her life philosophy is, you will know about the frequency with which her abti beats his wife, the quarell between her father and a man who refused to pay back a debt, hooyadeed safarkeeda iyo ilmaha ka soo dhacay dumaashideed!

 

You wonder since when you have become an Ocampo to prosecute whoever wronged her father, or a gynecologist to assist the miscarriage of the in-laws, or a campaigner against domestic violence. Waad yaabi uun!

[NGONGE]

^^ Aren't these the preliminaries of the thrust and parry of Somali courtship though?

 

She says "my abti beats his wife every day"

 

You say " though it sounds bad, I don't want to say anything negative about your abti just yet"

 

She says "my father had an argument with some man about a debt"

 

You say "why are you trying to scare me?"

 

She says "hoyo just came back from holiday"

 

You say "does that mean you're not free to see me as often as before?"

 

She says "my sister in law had a miscarraige"

 

You say "slow down now, ma ana ba gacantaada taabtay"