Dating/marrying a non-Somali

[Che -Guevara]

I don't understand this blaming Somalis for one's personal choice? Marry ajnabi because you want to, not because Somalis are this or that.

 

Narniah.....I am not sure what country you live in, but 50% of all marriages in the States end up in divorce. The number of people living together and married get higher every year. So the chances of anyone having lasting marriage decreases every year.

 

That said, what bad area do you live in every Somali mother or most is/are single?

[Narniah]

Aaliyyah;894061 wrote:

Narniah you are absolutely right that people shouldn't badmouth those who choose to marry outside their race. We also have to point out that your friends are doing the same mistake and making it seem that all Somali fathers are careless fathers who don't care about their children. Alhamdulilah my father means the whole world to me he has always been there for me and still is. My point being generalization is never good one way or the other. But, one thing is for sure when you choose to marry outside of your ethnic you are going to face cultural obstacles. I personally think marriage is already a huge responsibility I wouldn't want to make it any more difficult. But as they say live and let live.

Aaliyah MashaAllah @ your dad. I am very fortunate and blessed to say my dad has never left us. Many of my Somali peers can't say that, sad but true.

 

These issues I presented are real and out there for all to see.

[Somali philosopher]

Narniah;894060 wrote:

Pretend all you like buddy, but this goes a lil further than my block it's a world wide international Somali issue.

 

One thing I don't understand about Somalis is 'Denial' or shifting the blame never taking responsibility. Take a hard look around you.

We have our fair share of problems but you are making huge generalization.

Gud luck to your peers in their pursuit of that magical foreign man

[Wadani]

Narniah, I recognize that there are many dysfunctions within Somali society. But our opinions of any social phenomena are not only shaped by reality as we experience and observe it, but our perceptions will also be shaped by how much we choose to focus on one aspect of reality to the exclusion of others. This leads to extreme and rigid views, and broad generalizations that do not capture the truth in its entirety.

 

The truth is, despite all of the existing problems u've so aptly described, there are countless Somali men who are the complete antithesis to the protypical dead beat Faarax loser you take issue with. So just as you recommend that we look around us, I advise u to do the same and u may become pleasantly (maybe unpleasantly lol) surprised.

[RaMpAgE]

Narniah;894054 wrote:

I'm glad you realize you went a lil overboard there. I know your passionate about your views when it comes to this topic, so I'm use to it. (at least should be by now).

 

As you know (and obviously can't stand) I'm supportive of Somalis marrying ajnabies cause I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

I think it's absolutely absurd that people say ''if you marry a Non-Somali person your automatically someone who isn't cultured, that you must hate ur own kind bla bla. Hearing these misconceptions every single time this kind of a topic arises is a lil tiring.

 

Like the claim you made earlier (indirectly) that Somalis who are married to ajnabis don't eat traditional food, or burn unsi. Are you for real? I think it's perfectly possible for a Somali man/woman to marry a Non-Somali and still uphold their culture & deen. You have to understand that not only the bad apples (culture hating, deen forsaking) ones marry foreigners. There are many very educated, deen oriented, chaste, have their parents duas/blessings marry ajnabis. I don't think it's fair on those people for us to badmouth them and paint a negative picture of them just because we're too scared to accept (What Allah has made halal) throw insults at them behind behind patriotic mask.

 

I know there are some culture hating, deen hating, Somalis who marry ajnabis for all the wrong reasons. Eg; There are some people in my peers who confined in me that they will not marry Somali. When I heard their reasons I really felt sorry for them cause I can only imagine the surprises they'll be presented with once they get hitched. Even though I don't condone all their reasons for not wanting to marry Somalis...but I certainly understand where they're coming from... here are some reasons they didn't want to marry a Somali...

 

1 They told me they don't expect much from Somali men (as they will most likely end up a single mom if they were to end up with one)...

 

2.. Most Somali men don't want to grow old with their wife. Married....gone...single mom (is the norm it seems...etc..

They marry for the wrong reasons, not to fulfill half of their Imaan as Islam says or to be a long lasting companion to their spouse.

 

3.. Somali men don't want to be men! Instead of providing for their wives they rather let them go on benefit even when the women aren't entitled hence they're lawfully married (they will encourage them to seek aid through benefit, make a false claim such as ;they're divorced/even widowed in some cases when they're not subhanaAllah. (Spineless, and I think this is the root of all downfalls in our communities.

 

4..Have you ever seen a Somali man in court demanding his rights to see his child, like other cultures do when they father a child? Hardly. Most of the Somali women who are single moms have to beg their men to come see their children (like it or not..but it's a fact). Do some exist that voluntarily without being pressured want to be part of their kids lives? Yes..but they're hardly non-existent.

 

We seem to be a culture that takes enormous pride in the number of children we have but sadly most of those kids are only raised by their mothers. I don't even know why I'm saying sadly, cause Walahi the Somali women have fulfilled both the father and mothers position and they are also supporting the fathers of their children, looking after them. They are superwoman.

 

But their daughters...Aren't having it. And I don't blame them.

 

I better stop don't want it to turn into a book lol.

If you wanna marry some dhagax or cadaan or whatnot, its your choice, but don't try to push your mix-breeding agenda on us.

[oba hiloowlow]

RaMpAgE;894074 wrote:

If you wanna marry some dhagax or cadaan or whatnot, its your choice, but don't try to push your mix-breeding agenda on us.

+1

[wyre]

if I have to marry a non-somali i'll have to marry an Hindi oo lugaha ii dhaqdo subax walbo, anigoon shaqada ka imanna aan afka waxba saarin

[Chimera]

OdaySomali;894024 wrote:

Chimera bro I understand what you are saying and have taken it on board.

I agree with your reply, and good luck sxb, hope it works out for you.

[Alpha Blondy]

oba hiloowlow;894076 wrote:

+1

RaMpAgE;894074 wrote:

If you wanna marry some dhagax or cadaan or whatnot, its your choice, but don't try to push your mix-breeding agenda on us.

+1000

[5]

OdaySomali;894009 wrote:

More than community loyalty I would say this is more about sense of personal identity.

 

Dating and perhaps marrying a non-somali, and in future perhaps have half-somali children would be to destroy your Somali identity. Because you family (spouse, children) are an extention of

you

, to have a non-somali spouse and half-Somali children means to only be part-Somali and to be lacking in the parts that would complete/seal your being Somali... Identity does not mean to only have come forth from the Somali nation, but also to bring forth the next Somali generation and contributed to it, rather than 'run' away and 'be' something else (mixed race family or whatever not). It would be to choose to live with non-Somalis or in other words not live with

Somalis

for the remainder of one's life. It would be to have a non-Somali wife; to have non-Somali children with non-Somali grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts etc. It would mean becoming part-Somali. The allure of being a pure Somali is far greater.

 

Non-Somalis are too strange and alien - culturally, linguistically, physically, religiously and culinarily - from us.

Warkaan wuxuu ahaan lahaa more meaningful hadii aad afka soomaaliga ku qori laheed about the importance and beauty of being Somali and the Somali culture. Hada daqanka, diinda iyo afka waxaad ku faanisay af gaalo which takes something away from it (whether you notice it or not!)

 

Wax la dhahaayo calaf ayaa jiro. Hadii uu calafkaaga yahay in aad naag jahuudi oo jiis eh in aad guursadid, nothing in this world can stop that from happening Not even your current semi-racist opinions

 

Narniah, I like you sister, but your post is repulsive. It sounds like it was written by a neo-conservative white middle aged man who is trying to get into the pants of Somali women by trashing Somali men. Stop hating on the brothers, sis.

[Alpha Blondy]

^ hear, hear indeed!

 

5,

 

i was so wrong about you. you're not a self-hating-35-something-year-old-feminist-cougar. your special and one of us LOL. how's marrakech coming along?

[Rahima]

5;894129 wrote:

 

Narniah

, I like you sister, but your post is repulsive. It sounds like it was written by a neo-conservative white middle aged man who is trying to get into the pants of Somali women by trashing Somali men. Stop hating on the brothers, sis.

Repulsive? Of course it is generalisation but her points are very much close to reality.

 

As for the question of to go ajanabi or not? Whatever floats your boat really, you're the one who has to live with the person.

[Aaliyyah]

Narniah;894064 wrote:

Aaliyah MashaAllah @ your dad. I am very fortunate and blessed to say my dad has never left us. Many of my Somali peers can't say that, sad but true.

 

These issues I presented are real and out there for all to see.

There is no doubt that what your friends said holds true in many cases. But, that doesn't mean they should use that as an excuse to marry outside their ethnicity/race. The grass isn't greener at the other end. It seems they are praising those other cultures which isn't really based on facts but rather superficial beliefs. At the end it will boil to that person rather than where they came from. You can marry nin cad ama soomaali and end up divorced tomorrow. There are no guarantees.

 

Mashallah that you were fortunate as well. We are not the only ones who are blessed with amazing fathers, there are too many count. But, it seems some somalis focus more on the bad fathers than those who step up to the plate ee nimanka raga ah ee kasoo baxa masuuliyadooda. There is nothing wrong if we address where some fathers are falling short on their responsibility and pointing out that there is something wrong with our society and that we have to come together to do something about it. But, it is quite sad when some girls point that out just so they could make a case for their preference to marry outside their race.

[Blessed]

OdaySomali,

Pray Istikhaara and get on with it, public opinion will / should have no impact on your marriage. Inshaallah khayr.

[Bluelicious]

OdaySomali best of wishes with whatever you decide it's your life your choice don't let others tell you how to live your life.