Dating/marrying a non-Somali

[Che -Guevara]

Chimera..I think we are talking about their different things. A person should pursue his aspirations including marriage to whoever but to say community loyalty is meaningless is a bit over of the top.

[Bluelicious]

Chimera;893984 wrote:

A week ago I realised and experienced painfully upclose how meaningless the concept of community loyalty is on any level including 'love', and how you could be walking healthy and powerful one day and be fatally hit by a car the next.

 

Just live your life, if Allah swt wants you to be with another Somali, it will happen, no need to force it or base your decision on what others think, outside of your parents ofcourse.

 

Just live and enjoy.

We tend to not know what we have got or take it for granted until it's gone or taken away from us. We shouldn't take our lives for granted.

[Chimera]

Alpha Blondy;894002 wrote:

adams, the one-man catastrophe. why must you utter this nonsense all the time.

 

good night.

The one man Baboon bottom licking homage to Dennis the Menace possessed by the Poltergeist a. k.a Alpha Blondy a.k.a 'B' a.k.a Maximus Powers a.k.a Queen Araweelo a.k.a Marx, walahi I'm sorry I didn't vote for you, I regret it now.

 

Che you don't know the context since I was vague as its not my place to air it. Iska ba dhaaf sheekadan, it was intended for the OP, pretend I never said a thing.

[OdaySomali]

More than community loyalty I would say this is more about sense of personal identity.

 

Dating and perhaps marrying a non-somali, and in future perhaps have half-somali children would be to destroy your Somali identity. Because you family (spouse, children) are an extention of you, to have a non-somali spouse and half-Somali children means to only be part-Somali and to be lacking in the parts that would complete/seal your being Somali... Identity does not mean to only have come forth from the Somali nation, but also to bring forth the next Somali generation and contributed to it, rather than 'run' away and 'be' something else (mixed race family or whatever not). It would be to choose to live with non-Somalis or in other words not live with Somalis for the remainder of one's life. It would be to have a non-Somali wife; to have non-Somali children with non-Somali grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts etc. It would mean becoming part-Somali. The allure of being a pure Somali is far greater.

 

Non-Somalis are too strange and alien - culturally, linguistically, physically, religiously and culinarily - from us.

[OdaySomali]

Narniah;893892 wrote:

Double standards, plain n simple.

 

The reason they don't mind their sons marrying non-Somalis is

cause the kids they produce according to them (will still carry the Somali Fathers tribe

...Whereas a woman can't?

Ignore that nonsense. DNA, physical appearance and cultural input of a non-Somali mother + a non-Somali upbringing trumps any stories about qabil and clan that for those in the diaspora has little relevcnce in their lives. Some people are still holding on to a mindset from a long-gone era. People nowadays are who they want to be and not who their father, or mother for that matter, is. But that is not to say that those children cannot choose to fully engange and embrace the Somali half of their identity - its up to the children the extent to which they are/will be Somali.

[Abwaan]

Apophis;893839 wrote:

For me it's a no because I wish to preserve my Somali lineage.

lol@ Apo....I thought that you already lost some, when you showed your love to Kenyans and take took their side.

[OdaySomali]

Yes Apo.

 

Cheers everyone for your input. Esp. Aaliyyah, Chimera, Juxa, Apo, Blue and Wadani.

[Chimera]

Oday, one can marry a non-Somali and still be part of the Somali world, otherwise millions of Somali kids wouldn't feel inspired by the likes of Mo Farah and Rageh Omaar with their foreign spouses, and their Somali identities are firmly intact.

 

Yes its nice to have a son or a daughter that looks like you, I have expressed that sentiment for years on SOL but you will love a half Somali child just as much even if you can't process the thought today. I certainly couldn't until I mentored a 11 year old half Somali half English girl, and she is more Somali in classic manner and culture than a lot of the characters on this forum by far, its those kind of children who didn't choose their parents that you are ostracising and denying the chance to join the Somali world, they can be a great asset.

 

The country is recovering, and if it taps into its potential and massive resources it will be a prosperous place, and those kind of places attract immigrants like in the prewar period, which means Somalis will mix with those communities, as they did historically and which are still evident in the coastal cities of the South, though not on a large scale. Still their choices should be respected, and this will not be the case for as long as the Somali identity is based on xenophobia be it clan or ethnicity.

 

Its a bit grand to to think our pure Somali children will be the ones tipping the scales towards a large Somali nation. The Somali population with or without us will still be 40 million in a few decades, a 100 million in 2100, so no need to put all that weight on your shoulders.

 

If you want to marry a Somali sister, that's cool as my own train is close to reaching that destination and I consider them second to none, but please don't base your decision on something superficial, you will still be a Somali man who can teach his kids dhaqanka Soomaalida and deenta Islaamka without forcing yourself into something or losing your identity.

 

Somali + Somali marriages don't neccesarily result in a concrete Somali identity amongst their children. They might be successful in life on multiple levels be it academics, sports and business, but there are still hundreds of thousands of pure Somali men and women today struggling with their ancestral language, culture and are busy catching up, including me.

 

Long story short and cliche as hell; if it feels right, your on the right path

[OdaySomali]

Chimera bro I understand what you are saying and have taken it on board.

 

Chimera;894022 wrote:

Oday, one can marry a non-Somali and still be part of the Somali world, otherwise millions of Somali kids wouldn't feel inspired by the likes of Mo Farah and Rageh Omaar with their foreign spouses, and their Somali identities are firmly intact.

sxb you don't know these people on a personal level and just because they are high-profile does not mean we should see them as the norm or even take their stories for their face value. I agree that the Somali indentity of Mo and Rageh on an individual level is intact, but the part of their identity that a Somali wife and children would have contributed is lacking nonetheless.

 

Chimera;894022 wrote:

Yes its nice to have a son or a daughter that looks like you, I have expressed that sentiment for years on SOL but you will love a half Somali child just as much even if you can't process the thought today. I certainly couldn't until I mentored a 11 year old half Somali half English girl, and she is more Somali in classic manner and culture than a lot of the characters on this forum by far, its those kind of children who didn't choose their parents that you are ostracising and denying the chance to join the Somali world, they can be a great asset.

I try not to ostracise anyone from the Somali community. I understand the importance of inclusion and have learnt the negative consequences and the wretchedness of discrimination. I welcome them and nobody can deny them their God-given Somali identity, heritage and DNA - I should have made that more clear in my last post. We have no right to decide who is Somali and who is not in so far as denying people their heritage. A person is as Somali as they feel or want to be. I do however encourage Somali-Somali marriages, may they prosper and multiply.

 

Chimera;894022 wrote:

The country is recovering, and if it taps into its potential and massive resources it will be a prosperous place, and those kind of places attract immigrants like in the prewar period, which means Somalis will mix with those communities, as they did historically and which are still evident in the coastal cities of the South, though not on a large scale. Still their choices should be respected, and this will not be the case for as long as the Somali identity is based xenophobia be it clan or ethnicity.

Chimera;894022 wrote:

Its a bit grand to to think our pure Somali children will be the ones tipping the scales towards a large Somali nation. The Somali population with or without us will still be 40 million in a few decades, a 100 million in 2100, so no need to put all that weight on your shoulders.

I meant that to have Somali children, irrespective of number, completes your identity. Personally I would have no more than 2-3 kids, more than that is too much stress, qaylo (IMO).

 

Chimera;894022 wrote:

If you want to marry Somali sister, that's cool as my own train is close to reaching that destination and I consider them second to none, but please don't base your decision on something superficial, you will still be a Somali man who can teach his kids dhaqanka Soomaalida and deenta Islaamka without forcing yourself into something or losing your identity.

Valid point and I agree but its all personal choice bro.

 

Chimera;894022 wrote:

Somali + Somali marriages don't neccesarily result in a concrete Somali identity amongst their children

. They might be successful in life on multiple levels be it academics, sports and business, but there are still hundreds of thousands of pure Somali men and women today struggling with their ancestral language, culture and are busy catching up, including me.

 

Long story short and cliche as hell; if it feels right, your on the right path

Thats true.

[Aaliyyah]

OdaySomali;894021 wrote:

Yes Apo.

 

Cheers everyone for your input. Esp. Aaliyyah, Chimera, Apo, Blue and Wadani.

Wise decision. It is better to stick to your ethnicity. But by no means does that mean you will have the ideal life. Every marriage has its ups and down.

 

And you are welcome.

[Narniah]

Wadani;893943 wrote:

I admit, my response was a bit over the top. But u've never really explained y ur so supportive of somalis marrying muslim ajanibis. Wat r the pros to these unions in ur opinion, that can't be found within a somali-somali union.

I'm glad you realize you went a lil overboard there. I know your passionate about your views when it comes to this topic, so I'm use to it. (at least should be by now).

 

As you know (and obviously can't stand) I'm supportive of Somalis marrying ajnabies cause I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

I think it's absolutely absurd that people say ''if you marry a Non-Somali person your automatically someone who isn't cultured, that you must hate ur own kind bla bla. Hearing these misconceptions every single time this kind of a topic arises is a lil tiring.

 

Like the claim you made earlier (indirectly) that Somalis who are married to ajnabis don't eat traditional food, or burn unsi. Are you for real? I think it's perfectly possible for a Somali man/woman to marry a Non-Somali and still uphold their culture & deen. You have to understand that not only the bad apples (culture hating, deen forsaking) ones marry foreigners. There are many very educated, deen oriented, chaste, have their parents duas/blessings marry ajnabis. I don't think it's fair on those people for us to badmouth them and paint a negative picture of them just because we're too scared to accept (What Allah has made halal) throw insults at them behind behind patriotic mask.

 

I know there are some culture hating, deen hating, Somalis who marry ajnabis for all the wrong reasons. Eg; There are some people in my peers who confined in me that they will not marry Somali. When I heard their reasons I really felt sorry for them cause I can only imagine the surprises they'll be presented with once they get hitched. Even though I don't condone all their reasons for not wanting to marry Somalis...but I certainly understand where they're coming from... here are some reasons they didn't want to marry a Somali...

 

1 They told me they don't expect much from Somali men (as they will most likely end up a single mom if they were to end up with one)...

 

2.. Most Somali men don't want to grow old with their wife. Married....gone...single mom (is the norm it seems...etc..

They marry for the wrong reasons, not to fulfill half of their Imaan as Islam says or to be a long lasting companion to their spouse.

 

3.. Somali men don't want to be men! Instead of providing for their wives they rather let them go on benefit even when the women aren't entitled hence they're lawfully married (they will encourage them to seek aid through benefit, make a false claim such as ;they're divorced/even widowed in some cases when they're not subhanaAllah. (Spineless, and I think this is the root of all downfalls in our communities.

 

4..Have you ever seen a Somali man in court demanding his rights to see his child, like other cultures do when they father a child? Hardly. Most of the Somali women who are single moms have to beg their men to come see their children (like it or not..but it's a fact). Do some exist that voluntarily without being pressured want to be part of their kids lives? Yes..but they're hardly non-existent.

 

We seem to be a culture that takes enormous pride in the number of children we have but sadly most of those kids are only raised by their mothers. I don't even know why I'm saying sadly, cause Walahi the Somali women have fulfilled both the father and mothers position and they are also supporting the fathers of their children, looking after them. They are superwoman.

 

But their daughters...Aren't having it. And I don't blame them.

 

I better stop don't want it to turn into a book lol.

[Somali philosopher]

^What god forsaken region of this planet do you live in

[Narniah]

Somali philosopher;894056 wrote:

^What god forsaken region of this planet do you live in

Pretend all you like buddy, but this goes a lil further than my block it's a world wide international Somali issue.

 

One thing I don't understand about Somalis is 'Denial' or shifting the blame never taking responsibility. Take a hard look around you.

[Aaliyyah]

Narniah you are absolutely right that people shouldn't badmouth those who choose to marry outside their race. We also have to point out that your friends are doing the same mistake and making it seem that all Somali fathers are careless fathers who don't care about their children. Alhamdulilah my father means the whole world to me he has always been there for me and still is. My point being generalization is never good one way or the other. But, one thing is for sure when you choose to marry outside of your ethnic you are going to face cultural obstacles. I personally think marriage is already a huge responsibility I wouldn't want to make it any more difficult. But as they say live and let live.

[oba hiloowlow]

OdaySomali;893832 wrote:

It is not like Odaysomali to start such topics but:

 

To the male but also female members, would you consider a non-Somali person for dating/marriage? Could you see yourself with a non-Somali spouse?

 

If yes why? If not, why not?

I probably would but only Eritrean or Sudani , but Somali girls are the best.