A Somali Cabinet Meeting

[NGONGE]

In an extraordinary meeting of the Somali cabinet that, at the invitation of PM Shirdoon, was chaired by the Somali president himself, the following topics were discussed.

 

Hassan Sheikh: Bismillahi Alraxman Al raxeem. You all know why we are here today and the issues we need to talk about.

 

PM: Yes, Mr President. But first, I think it’s best if we quickly go over the minuets of our previous cabinet meeting and bring you up to date with developments there. [Looks around the room and ask] Who was taking the minutes last time?

 

Minister of Social Development (SD): I was. I also have the agenda for today’s meeting and information about the defence minister who could not make it here due to unforeseen circumstances.

 

Hassan Sheikh: Why, what happened? Is the defence minister ok?

 

Minister of SD: The defence minister is ok. However, one of his two bodyguards fell ill and therefore he couldn’t attend this meeting.

 

PM: Couldn’t he ask his other bodyguard to accompany him?

 

Minister of SD: His other bodyguard had to take the first bodyguard to hospital.

 

President: The business of government cannot stop every time a bodyguard falls ill! This is unacceptable.

 

Interior Minister: With all due respect Mr President, the situation Somalia is in today sadly means that we’ll have to depend on these bodyguards for a while yet. So, unfortunately, the business of government is forced to stop every time one of these guards falls ill.

 

PM: is there nothing that can be done to improve the situation?

 

Minister of Natural Resources (NC): We can hire more bodyguards.

 

President: I agree. Somalia is an unstable country and more bodyguards are needed.

 

Minister of Finance: What numbers are we talking here? Bear in mind that our budget and financial resources are already stretched to their limit.

 

President: Well, we need extra bodyguards for all ministers, deputy ministers and all senior government employees working in sensitive areas, figuratively and literally speaking.

 

Minister of Finance: We don’t have the resources to pay for the salaries and equipment of these extra bodyguards.

 

PM: Security takes the lion share of our budget surely we have enough to pay for a few more bodyguards?

 

Minister of Finance: Ministerial bodyguards are not paid for from the security budget, they’re paid for from each ministry’s budget.

 

President: That makes no sense!

 

PM: I suggest we reclassify all bodyguards and pay for them from the security budget. After all, their job is to ensure the security of the president and government ministers. If we are not secure, the country can’t be secure.

 

President: I agree.

 

Minister of Finance: If you must reclassify them, I suggest you pay for it from the natural resources budget. The country does not need to dedicate such a huge budget to that area right now yet international donors keep filling our coffers with money to invest in that area.

 

Minister of NC: Bodyguards are not FISH! How can you justify paying them from MY budget.

 

President: I had a similar situation when I was working in Africa. Even though I was not a president of a country but merely an employee of an international NGO, the situation was similar and the remedy worked. We need to reclassify the bodyguards and allocate them a budget from the NC ministry. Besides, they ARE natural resources.

 

Minister of Information: Mr President, PM, esteemed colleagues; may I suggest we conduct a feasibility study on the issue? It will help us understand how to fairly divide our resources and reveal any loopholes or shortfalls in the governmental budgets.

 

President: That’s a very good idea. It will also indemnify us should any decisions go wrong.

 

PM: I agree. Feasibility study it is.

 

President: Fine. Let us look at today’s agenda. What’s the first item?

 

Interior Minister: KISMAYO!

 

PM: Oh yes. Mr President, having looked at the situation there and consulted with the various advisers, foreign representatives and clan elders; I suggest we prepare a workshop with representatives from Somaliland, Puntland and other recovering areas in Africa on the subject rehabilitating disputed cities in post transition societies.

 

President: EXCELLENT idea. It reminds me of a workshop I attended years ago in which we discussed clan disputes and the role of women in the highlands of Scotland.

 

Foreign Minister: Was it the one run by Professor Ghulam Razak?

 

President: Yes, did you attend that one too?

 

FM: No, Mr President. But I heard about it at the time and was wondering what Somali was enlightened enough to attend such an interesting workshop. Aniga fiisaha la ii diiday.

 

PM: Professor Ghulam is a good man. I met him in Nairobi once.

 

President: I think we should invite him to run our workshop.

 

FM: Great idea. He will add so much value and his workshops are never boring.

 

President: I agree. I’ve been to three of his workshops and loved every minute of them. Err, so, are we all agreed on Kismayo?

 

PM: Yes. I think a workshop is a good idea. However, I also suggest we setup a committee to investigate the situation there.

 

President: Good idea. Oh, look at the time! Lets break off for lunch and come back to discuss the rest of the agenda.

[Abtigiis]

Waxoodu ba waa intaa. Workshop ma dhaafsiisana. NG, good one!

 

On another note, maad naga qabatid ama Juxa ugu yeedhid kan yaree Che ah ee irbadaha iyo faleembooyinka bartay ee Constitutional Lawyer feedh feedh ku noqday ee na qabsaday sidii anagoo tuulo ciidamada Ethiopia ka baxeen ah?'

[Jacaylbaro]

[Gheelle.T]