Fadhikudiriri Central...up close and personal

[Tillamook]

4th Installment..

 

How long they ran, we will never know-- but Abtigiis and Tillamook, seemed to be of the same mind as they tried to put as much distance between themselves and Officer Haatu. But unfortunately for them, it was was too late: Eastleigh was quickly filling up with Officer Haatu’s compatriots, for police backup had arrived. Dozens of heavily armed paratroopers were scouring the neighborhood, setting up roadblocks, and being pretty rough with the Somali locals of the place.

 

Tillamook: Sh!t, cops everywhere. Thank goodness it’s getting dark: Unfortunately, our best bet now is to get back to that horrid restaurant and hide in amongst the crowd. We cannot shift to anywhere else.

 

Abtigiis: OH HELL NO! I am NOT going back there! You must be out your mind...I am going back to my hotel in Spring Valley.

 

Tillamook: Don’t be foolish, Eastleigh is getting shut down-- if it hasn’t been already. Nothing going in and nothing going out! Besides, I assure you, they are searching for you in every hotel and every guesthouse in Kenya by now. What we need to do is go back and mix-in with the crowd outside that restaurant. It’s for your own good...

 

Abtigiis: Horta, WHO are you and WHY did you run after me anyway and WHAT do you want, for heaven sake?

 

Tillamook: I will explain myself to you when I get you to safety-- but first; let’s move!

 

So they straightened out their shirts and headed back towards the restaurant, keeping away from the main streets and the police. Sure enough, there was a huge gathering of people just outside the restaurant. Ambulances and police sirens bellowed continuously left and right. Abtigiis and Tillamook slowly strolled to the middle of the crowd, and attempted to make themselves vanish in it. But as bad luck would have it, who should be brought out on a stretcher-- prostate and unflinching-- but Officer Haatu, followed by another stretcher occupied by a moaning and grotesquely bleeding, Officer Abasi.

 

Abtigiis:* shrieking at the sight of the two officers* I say, Tillamook, do you think Mooge shot those two?

 

Office Haatu must have heard this whispered comment; for he suddenly twisted in his stretcher and looked searchingly straight into the crowd, who were only a few feet away, and as if he had some sort of homing device on Abtigiis, pointed his finger at him.

 

Officer Haatu: THERE THEY ARE...*he squeals*... ARREST them! ARREST THEM!!!

 

Abtigiis and Tillamook were off like two rabbits before the cops had even comprehended the order given to them; but seeing them run, the cops gave pursuit on the double.

 

Although they had a good start; Eastleigh is damned bad place to play Usain Bolt with the police. The streets are too congested with people and traffic( Eastleigh, you must know, is the little Mogadishu of Nairobi, and one gigantic business hub with huge shopping complexes, excellent eating-places and money transfer services scattered everywhere). And besides, the cops seemed to be very fit fellows, especially the two in the front, because they begun to gain on our two fugitives, shouting after them to halt. Tillamook glanced over his shoulder, saw what was up and slowed his pace:

 

Abtigiis: Keep up man! Are you tired already?

 

Tillamook: No, I am not tired: Am gonna slow ‘em down for you, so make sure they don’t get you at all cost...ya hear! There are only two--no wait, fcuk--there’s three more behind them... but at least they are not armed. I guess I will just have to do my very best saaxiib.

 

Abtigiis: You must be going absolutely bonkers, mate. In case you forgot, those guys may not be armed, but their backup definitely will be and they sure as hell will not think twice about shooting you. Marka, meesha ha isku dillin, ninyahow!

 

Tillamook: You just leave them to me. It is of paramount importance that you get away. I will slow them down while you get away, so skedaddle! *turns around to confront the policemen with raised fists and cries* C’MON YOU MUTHAFCUKERS!!

 

To be Continued...

[oba hiloowlow]

:D

[Tillamook]

5th Installment

 

Abtigiis did not hesitate, he split. If God in his ultimately wisdom created a numskull like Tillamook, he sure as hell would not endanger himself trying to talk him out of it. As he raced on, over his shoulder he saw Tillamook stop one cop with a left uppercut right under the jaw before he turned into a dark alleyway which took him to a wide open soccer field. He could still hear Tillamook yelling and screaming his foolish challenges, but then he also heard a clobber of boots getting nearer. Abtigiis gave it all he had. He quickly dashed across the field, jumped over several wall fences, and stopped only when there was no sound of his pursuers anymore. By the grace of God, it seemed the police had vacated the streets of the neighborhood, and Abtigiis finally staggered onto an empty sidewalk panting like a thirsty dog, pausing only to catch his breath and to think about what to do next. After a couple of minutes had passed, and after making sure his chasers had quit their hunt, Abtigiis timidly set off again, until he came up to an old lady sitting out on a house verandah, and he asked her...

 

Abtigiis: Eedo Hotelkii Malika xagee buu naga jiraa?

 

Old Lady: Maandhow kumaad ahayd? Maxaad habeen barkii la meereysanaysaa? Ma cabsantahay?

 

Abtigiis: Maya Eedo ma cabsani! Mataatu aan saarnaa baa meel khalad ah uga dagey, marka Hotelkii aan u hoyyan lahaa baan ka lumay.

 

Old Lady: Eedo haduu miyirkaagu kuu dhanyahay, raali baad iga ahaanaysaa...habeyn walba kuwa cirka ku soconaya ayaa gurigeyka soo hormara. Calaaya-kuli xaal, Hotel Malika hal dariiq baa naga xigta. Horey u soco, bidix u gal wadada soo socota, wax yar markaad socotid baad arki doontaa Hotel Malika. Iguna salaan! Waxaad tiraa, Barni Ducaale ayaa ku soo salaamaysay, una sheeg waxaa wali laga dhowrayaa qaaraankii aan aruurinayey!

 

Abtigiis: Haye Eedo. Waan u sheegin-- aniga igu duub arintaas. Mahadsanid, habeyn wanaagsan Eedo!* whispers to himself* Senile old bat!

 

Even though Hotel Malika was one of the finer Somali establishments of Eastleigh, Abtigiis was always amused by the fact that his cousin called her place a Hotel; if anything, it was nothing more than a two star lodge with internet access and an eatery. Keeping to himself and away from other footers on the street, Abtigiis found his way to Malika’s place. As he approached the gate, he bent over, pretending to tie his shoelaces and immediately slipped into a shrubbery that was adjacent to the gate where he begun his secret surveillance of the activities of the hotel, trying to keep an eye out for any indication of the presence of the police. The front door and windows were wide open due to the heat of the night, music simultaneously blared from radios and t.v sets inside, and there was the general hustle and bustle of the residents of “Hotel” Malika, going to and fro from the restaurant and rooms, with laughter and loud voices coming from the upper rooms.

 

As Abtigiis continued his discreet vigil over the premises, a sudden terror came over him as he heard a familiar voice screech over his shoulder and close to his left ear...

 

Mooge: Saaxiib, yaad ka dhuumanaysaa? Ma askar baa meesha kujira?

 

A startled Abtigiis tried to jump and vamoose in pursuit of the preservation of dear life, but an iron-like hand clasped his neck before he could do so.

 

Mooge: Not so fast, you caanoboore cretin! Take it easy! Don't bring unwanted attention to us, you fool--keep your voice down!

 

Mooge shouldn't have been worried, for Abtigiis was still reeling from the shock of it all, and seemed to be in a deep trance-like state, as the realization slowly set in that Mooge must have been following his footsteps all through the night long, unseen. It was dreadful thought, that this psycho who attacked two officers of the Kenyan Secret Police had been surreptitiously tailing him like a predator.

 

Abtigiis: It...it belongs to my cousin...but I don't think she is there.

 

Mooge: Then we will have to find out, won't we? Will she provide sanctuary? Can she be trusted?

 

Abtigiis: I...I don't know...she hid me before, but that was when she was still single. She is now married, and I don't think I can trust the hubby.

 

Mooge: Who gives a flying fart if she has a husband or not? Isn't she your cousin or are you just saying that, you dirty dog. Maku heyn jirtey qofta? Is she an ex of yours or something?

 

Abtigiis: No, she is truly my cousin, I'm just hesitant about the husband. I don't know the guy.

 

Mooge: Hey screw him, alright. Thanks to you, Kenya has now declared me a persona non grata. So am thinking your cousin will grant me guest rights, in this here establishment! This, my friend, is not a request.

 

Abitigiis: Ninyahow, I don't know if she will take us in, especially if she finds out the police are after us--she might or might not.

 

Mooge: The police, I piss on them. How dare they try to harass me in public. But I agree, we might not get a second chance if they catch up with us again. So, this cousin of yours...Is she a broadfoot like you? Notwithstanding, the so-called hubby, do you think she is a kind person and more importantly can she be trusted?

 

Abtigiis: Why of course, she can be trusted. *Abtigiis sought words to describe Malika* and she is most definitely kind. She happens to be one of my favorite cousins, but I'm not sure her husband---

 

Mooge: Forget the husband. We will see how kind she is when she gives us a place to lay low for a short spell. Now then..if she doesn't *he squeezed Abtigiis neck hard* and she snitches to the cops or something like that, you and her will regret it. So you'd better convince her, and no funny business *places his hand in his pocket and pulls out the pistol that formerly belonged to Officer Haatu Wangai*

 

To be Continued...

[oba hiloowlow]

[wyre]

Mooge turned into alshabaab yaah, laxowla, abtigiis wax baa u yaalla

[Carafaat]

[Haatu]

Illeen this is what wyre meant when he called me that Tillamook, I'm grateful that you conveyed me in all of my 6'2" glory

[NGONGE]

^^ You should have stayed away from commenting on this thread until (or unless) you got your gun back.

 

(good stuff).

[Haatu]

^ I'm just amazed at how a skinny pirate could out-muscle me

[Gheelle.T]

^Officer Wangai ugalida badan aa neef tuur kuu keentay Waiting for the next segment.

[Tillamook]

6th Installment...

 

Abtigiis, with Mooge at his side, marched straight into the well lit lobby of the house. At the front desk, stood an ancient toothless attendant who'd recognized Abtigiis and hollered a hello..

 

Xaaji Xunduf: Asalaamu aleeykum camii! waar dee xagee ka dhacdey?

 

Abtigiis: Wa'calaykum asalaam waraxmatullaahi wabarakaatuh, Ina-abti, waan joogey ee bal ii waran? Marwadii gurigaan lahayd ma joogtaa horta, iyada ayaan u baahanahayee.

 

Xaaji Xunduf: Waar dee waa Saqdii dhaxe camii, Gabadhuna wey hurudaa, aadna wey u daalan tahay-- baryahaan oo dhan bey safar isku diyaarinaysay.

 

Abtigiis: Oo xagee bey u socotaa?

 

Xaaji Xunduf: Ngonge oo u guuray Burco ayey ka daba tagaysaa...

 

Just then Mooge pushed Abtigiis aside and prevented Xaaji Xunduf from finishing his sentence.

 

Mooge: Odey, orod hurdada gabarta ka jaf! Waxaad ku tirahdaa, labo wiil oo walaalaheyd ah baa banaanka ku sugaya! Soco!

 

As Xaajiga goggled with disdain and staggered away to go get the lady of the house, Mooge rounded on Abtigiis.

 

Mooge: Waryaa balaayo ku aragteyee, Ngongugu muxuu yahay, Burca-nah maxaa gayey?

 

Abtigiis: Ngonge waa naynaas ninka qaba gabadha loogu yeero, waana nin reer Burco ah.

 

Mooge: Inaa lilaahi wa inaa ilayhi raajicuun...Qoor iyo Xero Beele...intaas oo umada oo reer Ismaaciil Jabarti ah ayagoo joogaan baad nin q'aldaan ah gabar naga siisayn. What were you thinking, dammit?

 

Abtigiis was looking bemused and trying to make sense of the words that were coming out of Mooge's mouth when down the corridor on the right, he heard a female voice that was high pitched and sounded sleepy. In view came Xaaji Xunduf, closely followed by a beautiful figure clothed in a fine baati and garab saar. As always, Malika sauntered forth like a royal silhouette with expensive gold sparkling in her ears and on her wrists, and suddenly she checked when she saw Abtigiis standing by the front desk and then she rushed to embrace him.

 

Malika: Agah agah! Abtigiis gacaliye! When did you come back to Nairobi! Oh, my days! I thought you were back in London, and me wishing I was there with you and the family and all! But how come you never called me to let me know!

 

Abtigiis: Ina-Adeer, I was passing through Nairobi in transit to Harare, when I thought I'd pay you a surprise visit. *he lied miserably* Anyway, permit me to present to you the best and finest friend I possess, this is Mr. Mooge.*he lied, again*

 

Mooge modestly salaamed with inimitable pizazz, but it was not until he had locked eyes with Malika that he for the first time in his life felt a tingling sensation deep down his soul. He knew from then on that she was his deliverer, and became overwhelmingly consumed by love for her. He knew he must have her.

 

Malika, on the other hand, repressed her own blushing with heroic effort, for she knew that it was unbecoming of a married lady to allow a total stranger to swoon over her, especially in front of a relation. So she merely said; "Barasho wanaagsan walaal? I am delighted to make your acquaintance and it's good to know you," and turned on her heels towards Abtigiis with feminine grace, she left Mooge flabbergasted with mortification--(*Little did he know, that she was giving him a moment or two to pick his chin off the floor*).

 

Malika: Let's go have a seat in my private den, shall we, and tell me what you've been up to lately!

 

She might have looked innocent, but she was no man's fool...she could smell trouble a mile away. When they got comfortably seated, the excitement went out of her beautiful brown eyes, as she began her interrogation.

 

Malika: You guys look like you've had a rough day! Don't tell me you've been up to mischief again--am I correct?

 

...And then a sudden realization hit her.

 

Malika: Oh, my God! Please don’t tell me you guys are the reason the police were asking questions about some fugitives from justice, earlier in the evening! Oh, my God! All those gunshots and police sirens…

 

Abtigiis: Yes Ina-Adeer, it is as bad as it sounds.

 

So Abtigiis began to narrate the events of the day, as she sat upright on the couch; and her beautiful face bore an unreadable expression for once. Mooge was silent beside him on the couch, keeping his hands in his pockets as though trying to stay warm, but Abtigiis knew the real reason why Mooge had his hands in his pockets, and he hoped Malika would be a good sport and understand and not throw a fit, because God knew what that villain was capable of. *Little did he know, Mooge was floating on rainbows in his head, with Malika by his side*

 

When Abtigiis finished, Malika sat quietly for a moment, fingering the tassels of her garab saar…

 

Malika: Hmmm...so you haven’t been followed? Well, then, that at least buys us some time, so we mustn’t do anything impetuous or reckless. Now you…*this was directed at Mooge*…they tried to shoot you? But you managed to out muscle them, and you shot them?

 

Mooge: Yes…yes sister… they tried to kill me!

 

Malika made an I-am-not-convinced looking type of face, as she toyed with her expensive bling bling on her wrists.

 

Malika: “They tried to kill me” won’t do you much good if they ever catch up with you-- I daresay, they won’t even give you a chance to utter such words. But if it was how you said it was—then you two can stay here until we can find a way out of this town. You won’t be able to hide in the hotel that's for sure. Too many residents and maybe the cops might show up again. I hope, I won’t hear any squabbles from you about hiding in the dingy servant’s quarters in the back.

 

Mooge: Not at all my sister…our fate is in your hands.

 

Malika: War istaqfurulah dheh! Your fate is in Allah’s hands.

 

At that moment, a rare African beauty wearing a tight emerald green dress, walked in with a tray filled with food and drink. She looked like she was in her 30’s, with a voluptuous set of melons and delicately braided cornrows. Abitigiis took notice as his heart skipped a beat as he stared with wide and bulging eyes at the maid’s bosom when she laid the tray on the table in front of them.

 

Malika: Thank you Tabita. I need you to prepare one of the rooms in the servant’s quarter for these guests here.

 

Tabita: Which room madame?

 

Malika: The old man’s room. I don't believe Xaaji Xunduf hardly ever uses it because he chews so much, but if ever he gets the urge to sleep like a normal human being, have him check himself into one of the available rooms of the hotel!...*at Abtigiis*...I will help Tabita…now gents, if you would excuse us!

 

When they were alone, Mooge punched Abtigiis in excitement.

 

Mooge: Abtigiis, war ninyahow qoftu waa xabad nacnac-ah! WOW! Qurux badanaa!

 

Abtigiis thought so too, but he didn’t want to admit it until Mooge said something that truly baffled him.

 

Mooge: Ina-Adeerow…Ina-Adeerow, gabarta i sii!

 

Abtigiis: What are you talking about man? *now he was really confused about what his partner in crime was mumbling about*

 

Mooge: MALIKA! Oh my God! Inaba Caadi Maaha qoftu! God must have created her to show us wretched mortals what true beauty is on this earth.

 

Then it finally dawned on Abtigiis, he got it. This madman was in fact alluding to Malika, and NOT Tabita, whose boobs he wanted for himself.

 

Abitigiis: WHAT THE FCUK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU MAN! MY COUSIN IS A MARRIED WOMAN! WHAT PART OF HER_HUSBAND_IS_IN_BURCO DON'T YOU GET! HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MIND!

 

Mooge: War bal is daji. Maxaad iigu qeelinaysaa! BOLSHIID! Ha igu qeelinin edeb iyo akhlaaq ma lihidee! Qowdhanka xunka-ah waanu ka fureynaa, markaas anaa igu dareysaa, fahamtu doqonyahow axmaq-ah?

 

Before Abtigiis could reply to this absurdity, Malika came back and told them their room was ready and that she’d see them in the morning during breakfast.

 

Malika: Make sure you guys stick to the servant’s quarters, but you can come up to my private quarters for your meals and whatnot. We don’t want any nosy guests enquiring about your business… Good night!

 

Mooge quickly stood up to say good night, and maybe have one last look into Malika’s heart melting eyes; but it was too late, Malika had already turned away and left the room.

 

 

...To Be Continued.

[Wadani]

With the absence of Abtigiis and his captivating stories, this will have to do for now. Not bad Tillamook, not bad at all. But Malika might have some objections to her characters predicament in the story.

[Tillamook]

^

First of all, thank you. And secondly, are you serious?

[Wadani]

lol yea ofcourse I am. Malika, who is a respectable married woman in real life, may not feel comfortable being objectified and lusted after by a unscrupulous and ravenous Mooge. We'll see though, she may be a good sport.

[oba hiloowlow]

LOL good stuff Tillamook keep it coming.