The Day Johnny B Started To Pray...

[NGONGE]

Most followers of SOL know that Johnny B is a confirmed atheist who would only speak about religion from a philosophical viewpoint and would always question the importance of faith. However, it may surprise you to find that even regular atheists do succumb to boots of wild sentiment from time to time.

 

 

Our story begins over a decade and a half ago when our lovable Johnny was a young lad full of testosterone and habitually chasing any passing skirt. Back then, he had the looks, the intelligence and the culture to woo any lady that happened to cross his path. But let us not dwell on what he did out in the real world and rather concern ourselves with his online pursuits instead.

 

You see, in the mid 90s, our Johnny was quite famous in many of the (now old) chat platforms. Many of those that know him intimately remember all his old online handles and can share lots of mythical stories about the man he was back then. I only shy from sharing any such stories for fear of awaking any jilted lovers, cheated damsels or long forgotten foes. However, this is not why Johnny took up prayer in the last couple of days (though it is the origin of the events that eventually led to it).

 

It was around that time that a teenage Somali girl living in a remote part of the Middle East was first introduced to the internet. She was still at school and was no older than fourteen years of age when she happened to come across the famous chat platform by the name of MIRC. The people she met there were all much older than her (at least that’s how it seemed in her barely out of adolescence eyes). Our Johnny spotted her before anyone else and, typically of course, went on to unleash his full repertoire of chat up lines, charming compliments and quirky anecdotes in order to win her favour (and heart). Alas, he soon found out about her age and was forced to cease and detest.

 

Now, many Somalis view atheists as the worst kind of humans possible and associate all kinds of wickedness to them. In fact, many would wonder why such an atheist would feel it is not right to abuse a fourteen year old! For the argument goes “he doesn’t believe in god, why should he believe in anything else, including morals, decency or right”. Fortunately (or unfortunately, whichever the case maybe), Johnny proved to be the exception to these rules. Mr Bravo is a gentleman and has always been one. On seeing this child enter the crazy world of Somali online chat, he took it upon himself to educate her and take her under his wing (and what a great job he did).

 

 

Later, both older and wiser, they found their way into SOL! Here, Johnny carried on with his habit of wooing the ladies and paid no attention to the young damsel, save to advise her here and there whenever the opportunity arose. Alas, time waits for no man as they say and, the passing of time, helped turn the young girl into a blossoming little beauty that even Uncle Johnny himself couldn’t resist throwing one or two of his usual love grenades her way. She rebuffed them all politely and treated him as the big brother that she always considered him to be. He got the hint and restored her back to her rightful place as his charge and virtual goddaughter.

 

 

A few months back, I got news that the young girl is intending to get married. Apart from feeling happy and elated that our little girl is about to finally cross the final threshold of adulthood, I did spare a quick thought to Johnny and his feelings when he hears this great news. Furthermore, when I say “our little girl”, I speak for most SOL regulars who had any interactions with this young lady and, like me, are certain to feel the fatherly pride that one (surely) gets when yet another youngster flies the nest.

 

Val’s former bosom buddy is getting married, people (some FB sources claim the deed has already taken place but I refuse to accept that I was not invited to eat the barees). She’s ditching the “Ms” and taking up the “Mrs”. A very lucky and extremely clever man finally found the combination to unlock that flighty heart of hers. Better still, unlike myself, Xiin or A&T who always courted her and did our best to convince her that being a second wife was no bad thing, this young ( and very lucky) rascal is having her as his first, one and only wife!

 

Now you may be wondering why is it that I think Johnny would ever utter a prayer of thanks to the almighty! Well, if callous old me can get all teary eyed and sentimental about this marriage, it is not much of a great leap for Johnny to pray a couple of rakca’s of thanks. After all, it’s not every day that his little Serenity gets married.

 

So, to the prettiest and cleverest four foot, two inch tall (she insists on the mention of those two inches) girl I ever met, I send my sincerest congratulations. May Allah bless you both and make it the best of marriages. May Mr lucky never forget how fortunate he is and may he treat you like the queen you‘ve always been. May Allah bless this new family of yours and pave your future path with happiness, bliss and contentment.

[wyre]

I'ld Like To Read It All, When I Get Back To Work, I'ld Like To Know How And Why He Started Praying

[Cawaale]

Waar soo gaabi.

[NGONGE]

^^ I'd get in trouble hadaan gaabiyo, saaxib. Val markeeda sadix page baan o qoray.

[Cawaale]

Markeeda* yaa faalix. 0k. Hadaba. Let me get a mega glass of corn juice. Sheeko fiican ee u egtahay.

[NGONGE]

^^ What are you talking about?

[Aaliyyah]

If serenity is infact getting married then I wish her and her future husband a happy marriage. May Allah swt bless your union.

[Cawaale]

So Serenity is JB's goddaughter. I though L.G was. NG.Oday bariiska khaaska markii laguu sameeyo horay ii wad.

 

Aaliyyah, Sorry you don't have enough credit to make this dua. Ducadii waad iska dhameysay.

[NGONGE]

^^ Atheists waa uuf. But our original atheist is praying for the happiness of people he likes. The End.

[Aaliyyah]

Cawale lol good one. Laakin ducadeydu ma dhamaato umado dhan waa gadhasa adiga qudhada let me know if you want some of my dua lol

[Cawaale]

Diyaar. Soon I'A. "D

[Juxa]

Aamiin Aamiin to ducada:)

 

Although I did not get such a warm send off from oday ngonge, hadana he did us proud in writing the above.

 

Alhamdulilah the day went off with glitch, waxwalba was planned to perfection, we ate, danced, laughed and shared the happy day with our lovely lady.

 

ps: we as of Lily, Blessed, Val and myself

[GaraadMon]

Apophis;873034 wrote:

Ngonge, you have nothing but good words for atheists; I declare you an honorary atheist for life. Welcome to the fold brother:D

Is it not too early? Can his earthly vessel contain such an awesome power of decadence and immorality?

[NGONGE]

Juxa;873033 wrote:

Aamiin Aamiin to ducada:)

 

Although I did not get such a warm send off from oday ngonge

, hadana he did us proud in writing the above.

 

Alhamdulilah the day went off with glitch, waxwalba was planned to perfection, we ate, danced, laughed and shared the happy day with our lovely lady.

 

ps: we as of Lily, Blessed, Val and myself

Adigu qac baad tahay dee. I remember the day I found out you were married. I paid you an innocent compliment (li wajhi allah bay aheed) and you slapped me back with the news that you were married.

 

p.s.

I totally resent the fact that "the recently arrived" Blessed got to eat the barees and I didn't. Ileen Serenity is as bad as Val.

[GaraadMon]

Apophis;873041 wrote:

Only time will tell but I suspect Brother Ngonge (his honorific title now onwards) will not let the side down.

In scientia speramus

Amidious Shabalabadingdong.

 

May our wolf pack grow strong and plentiful, so that we may ravage the hearts and minds of all children (this is what we do best is it not?).